


Tainted

by ToriWritesStories



Series: Ameliorate [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Artist Clarke, Drama, Drama & Romance, F/F, Family Drama, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Life Changes, Major life changes, Parent-Child Relationship, Part Two of Pristine, Pristine Sequel, Sequel, Smut, Two years after Pristine ends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-08-12
Packaged: 2018-07-25 16:51:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 78,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7540471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToriWritesStories/pseuds/ToriWritesStories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa and Clarke have been together for roughly two and a half years now. Clarke's art is becoming a bigger asset and Lexa is nearly halfway through her undergrad years to become a psychologist. Things have been all good between them, but suddenly their pasts are bubbling up even as the future soars down at them. They must learn how to combat the struggles of their past coming back to them, while simultaneously trying to decide on whether or not to take a major step into the future. Relationships will strain and tears will be shed. The question is, will they ultimately recover from everything that comes at them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Mean... It Was Just A Thought

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies! I know it's been ages (haha 1 day) since Pristine has ended, so it's about time that I post the sequel - Tainted - huh?  
> For those of you who haven't read Pristine, you should probably do that before reading this. I suppose that it would be somewhat possible to enjoy this without reading the prequel, but you will miss out on a lot and probably misunderstand so much. I would recommend that you do that first :D  
> So the first few chapters to this story are all about this length, not very long so I apologize for that. But the first few things that I had to establish needed to be done in different chapters for the sake of the story progression lol.  
> A few things: someone in the comments of Pristine actually guessed the title of this story correctly, so good job ;) Also, shoutout to Twitter user @Emily_Burrows12 who gave me the idea of making Lexa in school to become a psychologist! Also thanks to everyone who came out and hung out with me on Periscoper yesterday, was so much fun talking about Pristine and this story!!  
> Anyway, that said, I have not much else to say, so I hope you'll like the start!!
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

“All of my professors hate me,” Lexa whined to herself as she tried to get her homework to load on her computer. It was probably sad how much she missed homework one paper. Her laptop never seemed to want to cooperate with her, and she was pretty sure that all of her professors were conspiring against her in a huge plot to convince her that four year degrees were bullshit anyway. Watching the little loading circle twirl around for two minutes straight was enough for her, and she slammed her laptop shut a little harder than she probably should've, hissing out, “Fuck this,” as she did.

“Whoa there,” a voice said in response, as the front door of the apartment closed and Lexa jumped, surprised.

“My professors hate me,” Lexa announced, climbing up off of the bed and going to the bedroom door, leaning against the edge of the doorway as her girlfriend came into the apartment. “They're conspiring against me to make me quit school.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah, I'm sure that's what's happening.”

“It's been two days since break ended, and I have _so much homework_. And it won't load on my computer,” Lexa whined, pouting at the blonde. “How was work?”

“Boring,” Clarke answered, going straight into the kitchen to grab something to drink. “You just been yelling at your computer since you got home?”

Lexa felt a smile tug at her lips. She liked hearing it more and more every time Clarke said it – home. Moving in with Clarke was easily the most stress relieving thing she'd done since starting college. Her scholarship to Polis University had required that she live on campus for a year and a half, or she else probably would've moved in with Clarke earlier, but after suffering a whole three semesters with the worst roommate that she could've ended up with, this was a huge upgrade.

It didn't help, either, that her two best friends, Anya and Luna, had been somehow lucky enough to end up rooming together while she suffered with the most intolerable nineteen year old Lexa had ever met.

“Mostly,” Lexa answered, nodding and seating herself on the little table that was in the middle of their apartment. It hadn't changed much in the week and a half that Lexa had lived here with Clarke, the living area was still without a couch or a TV. However, next to Clarke's desk that was in there instead was Lexa's desk, moved from her dorm for the sake of her having a place to do homework. Though, she much preferred doing it while in bed. “Are you going to paint today?”

“I'm too tired,” Clarke admitted, grabbing two beers from the fridge and moving to offer one to the brunette, who took it gratefully. “But I don't have work tomorrow, so I'll do some painting then. Your homework isn't due this week, is it?”

Lexa shook her head. “No, but I wanted to get it over with. My mom wanted to go out to get lunch with me on Saturday, and I thought that maybe you and I could go out on Saturday night.”

Clarke grinned. “That sounds like something that I'm definitely not opposed to. Are you going to be taking me out?”

“Why should I? You're the one getting bribes from your mom,” Lexa teased, sipping her beer.

Clarke groaned, taking a long drink of her own drink before stepping closer to where Lexa was seated on the table. “That's not funny,” Clarke muttered, frowning. “She's seriously getting on my nerves with these emails she keeps sending me. I have half a mind to delete that email anyway, it was the one I always used for school stuff.”

“Which you clearly don't need anymore.”

“Exactly,” Clarke agreed, nodding. “But if I do, she'll probably just start spamming my phone, and that's not much better.”

Lexa tilted her head. “Why not just tell her that you're looking for another job besides art, and then just tell her in a few months that your job hunt failed?”

“She wouldn't believe me. And if she did, she'd just offer me a job in DC,” Clarke answered, smiling sadly. “I really should just tell her to stop sending me money. It's starting to stress me out.”

Lexa frowned, setting her beer down and reaching out to grab Clarke's waist, pulling her closer. “I'll take you out on Saturday and we can think about _not_ your mom and her money.”

“That sounds awesome,” Clarke said, smiling widely and pressing a kiss to Lexa's lips.

Fifteen minutes later, Lexa had finally forced herself to try and do homework again, opening up her computer and sprawling back across the bed. Clarke had gotten a phone call from Bellamy, and she could hear her girlfriend talking in the other room. On one hand, it wasn't so different living with Clarke as it used to be when she just came over all the time. She probably spent more time at Clarke's apartment than at her own dorm during the three semesters that she was in the dorms.

As she reloaded the screen that she'd closed her laptop on, she realized that she had to lo in to the site again, and she tried not to get too impatient already. As she saw the loading screen pop up again, she grabbed her phone, realizing that she had a text from her mom. She'd sent one earlier, asking if Clarke could come to lunch with them on Saturday.

**From Mom – That's up to you, sweetie. I have something that I want to talk to you about.**

**To Mom – What is it?**

**From Mom – Let's talk on Saturday. :)**

Lexa huffed, tossing her phone aside in annoyance. She hated going into situations completely blind. In some circumstances, situations like that could turn out to be exciting, but in others they could be just awful. She didn't like leaving it entirely up to chance.

Glancing back up at her computer screen, her face lit up at the fact that the homework site had loaded, and her assignments were listed in front of her. None of them were due this week, and some weren't even due the following week, but Lexa wanted to knock out as much of it as she could.

She worked on it for as long as she could manage, but when Clarke came back into the room and announced that she was going to take a shower, Lexa couldn't bring herself to do anymore. She logged out and powered off her laptop once Clarke had disappeared into the bathroom, and then quickly stripped off her clothes. Once she was naked, she went to the bathroom door and opened it. She and Clarke had long since stopped locking the door when one of them went into the bathroom.

It almost felt like forever that they'd been together, even though it had only just been about two and a half years. Lexa had never been so comfortable with anyone else, though that wasn't surprising, considering how small her circle of friends and family had been before meeting Clarke. Since then, Clarke's friends had become hers, and visa versa, and it was almost like they _were_ her family as well. It was nice to have that.

The shower curtain was drawn in front of the shower bath, and the shower head was running, but Lexa was almost sure that Clarke had heard her come in. Lexa glanced at herself in the mirror, and then stepped over to the shower, pushing back the curtain. Clarke glanced over her shoulder at the brunette, looking unsurprised as she slipped in. “Thought you were doing homework?”

“Yeah well, that's boring,” Lexa claimed, smiling softly and pressing her body against Clarke's. “And I didn't get to see you all day because of class. I miss break already.”

“Me too,” Clarke agreed, frowning, “and it wasn't even my break.”

“Ugh, I'm kind of glad that we've never both been in college at the same time. I feel like we never would've had time for each other.”

Clarke hummed in agreement, nodding and turning around now, her hands falling to Lexa's hips and pulling their bodies flush with each other. “College takes up a lot of time, but I enjoy this time we do have together.”

Lexa batted her eyelashes at the blonde. “So do I.”

* * *

Clarke's music was blaring loudly as she touched up the piece that she'd been working on for the past week. It was nearly done, which was lucky for her, because it was a commission. The sooner she finished, the sooner she could get paid for it. Her income was actually fairly steady, even excluding the fact that she still worked part time at The Bean. She had gathered quite a following on her etsy account, and there were very few paintings or drawings that she would create that someone didn't want to buy.

The most surprising, and pleasing, part of of the whole thing was that art had never failed to make her happy. Even after having to treat it more and more like a job rather than just a hobby, there was nothing like standing in front of an easel and creating artwork.

It was something that her parents could never really understand, which, prior to a few months ago, definitely never bothered Clarke. Aside from accepting the money that Abby Griffin had given her to pay for college, Clarke had had no interaction with either of her parents since starting school. That was nearly four years ago now, and all that had changed was that as soon as she graduated with her associate's degree, the college payments stopped coming through from her mom.

Clarke had been content to no longer think of her parents for any reason, and frankly, she had begun to see Lexa's mom as more of a mom to her than hers had been in over six years. Unfortunately, the past always seems to have a way to creep back up on a person, and just as Clarke was starting to talk to Lexa about the brunette moving in with her come winter break, the emails had started.

Emails from her mom, yes, but also PayPal alerts telling her that her mother had begun a weekly transaction to her. It was a couple hundred dollars every month that Clarke had at first assumed was an accident, but upon reading the emails her mom had sent her, she realized that the woman was hoping that with the money, Clarke would take time off of art to find herself a “real job”.

As if.

“Hey, Clarke?” a voice said, pulling Clarke's attention away from her easel. She turned around, realizing that her door had been slid open and Octavia was standing on the threshold. Clarke quickly set down her brush, moving over to her computer to pause her music.

“What's up?”

“I was gonna ask if you could turn that down a little,” Octavia admitted, “oh, but also, I want to run an idea by you.” Clarke raised an eyebrow, nodding to her friend, who came into the room all the way and leaned now against the paint splattered table that took up the space in the room that wasn't occupied by art supplies and paintings.

The warehouse had changed very little during the two and a half years that she and her friends had owned it. Octavia's room had changed the most. With her addition of two bookshelves and a second couch, it had become much more cramped and cozy in a way. Aside from that, every room was pretty much the same. Finn had installed lights in the few rooms that hadn't had any, because winter always brought on nighttime earlier, and windows were useless at that point. It was probably worth a lot more than what they paid for originally by now, but it felt so much more like home than it once did.

“Okay so,” Octavia was starting, “I was thinking about how I'm getting my master's degree at the end of this semester, right? So, the fancy part of town has that new office building, and apparently there's a chance that some journalism opportunity is supposed to magically appear within it sometime soon.”

“Yeah, I heard about that from someone at work,” Clarke said, nodding along and not really understanding what Octavia's apparent idea was.

“So, I was talking to one of my professors, and she was saying that she's not sure that I should try for it,” Octavia continued, and Clarke furrowed her eyebrows.

“Wait, what? But aren't you the best student in like all of your journalism classes?”

Octavia rolled her eyes. “Just wait for the point, Clarke. She said that whatever business is going to open there isn't going to be good enough for _me_. She told me that she thinks I should consider leaving the state, and going somewhere more... you know, relevant.”

Clarke was taken aback, and she stared blankly at Octavia for a moment. “Wait, you're leaving Polis?”

“I'm not sure yet,” Octavia admitted, shrugging. “It was just a thought. New York City, I mean, that was the specific thought. If the place that opens with journalism opportunities isn't so great, then I'm screwed otherwise. So what do you think?”

“I think that it would make sense for you to go,” Clarke said slowly, “but you'd be so far away from everyone.”

“Five hours isn't _that_ far,” Octavia reasoned. “There's nothing very great about Virginia anyway. Plus, I was thinking... ah, I don't know, maybe we could all move? I mentioned it to Raven, and she said that it might be possible for her to transfer to NYU. None of us really have anything holding us here except for school. New York would be an amazing opportunity for all of us.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes. “Okay, so you forgot that I'm dating someone who's not even halfway through her first degree?”

“It would be even easier for her to transfer than Raven,” Octavia said quickly, “and of course I didn't _forget_ about Lexa. She only just declared her major as psychology anyway. And she could easily get into NYU as a transfer, your girlfriend is brilliant.”

“I've never even had interest in moving to New York, Octavia,” Clarke said, shaking her head. “I don't think I should even consider it until Lexa's graduated.”

Octavia shrugged. “Whatever you say. Raven and I were seriously considering it, though. I haven't really brought it up to anyone else. For all we know, I guess the plan could just fall apart. Or that office building could turn out to be full of the best companies ever or something. I guess we'll see. It was just an idea.”

Clarke nodded.

“Well, I'll leave you to it, then. Gotta start a paper,” Octavia said, stepping back toward the door. “I'll see you later!” She disappeared, and the door slid shut.

Clarke started her music again, turning down the volume as per Octavia's request. As she moved back over to her easel, she tried not to think about Octavia's idea. The idea of one of her best friends moving to New York was scary enough, but the thought that all of her friends might be moving there? The thought that _she_ could possibly move there... that was a lot more intimidating.

Luckily, music and art took over her senses before she could get too deep in the thought, and her friends and New York City became just another passing thought.

 


	2. Say That Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Luna catch up after not seeing each other over the holidays, and Lexa pops in at the warehouse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the first three-ish chapters of this story are mostly lining up the whole rest of the story, so if it seems at any point like I'm disregarding anything that's happened, you can be sure that it will be brought back up. I'm sure it's not going to seem as slow to you all as I feel like it will, because daily updates are pretty fast, but considering that I wrote seven chapters of this within thirty hours... yeah, it all happened very fast for me haha.  
> Your guys' comments and kudos and feedback all made me so happy, I am so so happy that you're all so excited for this ride!! :D Thank you all so much! I'll do my best, as always, to answer as many comments as possible <3
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

“How's living with your girlfriend going so far?” Luna asked, seating herself on her bed and grinning widely at Lexa, who had just collapsed onto Anya's bed. It was always nice coming over to her friends' dorm, which they still shared even into their second semester of sophomore year, because it was on campus and easy to get to. Luna's classes rarely fully conflicted with Lexa's, so she could almost always show up at the room at a random time during the day. Unless, of course, it was a weekend. Luna could almost always be found down at the lake or at one of the frat houses if it wasn't a week day. Then again, the dorm was still an option on weekends, because Anya usually spent a lot of her time in there studying.

“Much better than this place,” Lexa insisted, chuckling and leaning against the wall that Anya's bed was pushed up next to. “Though, having to drive here every day is a bit more annoying.”

“But you get to have sex with her every day now if you want, right?” Luna teased, grinning.

Lexa rolled her eyes, giving up on trying to sit up after her long day of classes and just laying down on Anya's bed. “Yes, that is a nice part of it. But even if we don't, at least I always get to sleep next to her. In the comfiest fucking bed in the world.”

“You know, I'm pretty sure I've had more than one conversation with you about how comfy Clarke's bed is,” Luna said, raising her eyebrows. “Are you sure you're not dating it?”

Lexa flashed her friend a wide smile. “The bed comes with dating Clarke, so there's no infidelity at all involved.”

“You're such a dork,” Luna said, rolling her eyes. “Hey, have you hung out with Anya at all this week?”

“Nope, she's been so busy with her classes. I'm so glad I didn't go into law. Not only does she have to take so many classes right now, but she's going to have to transfer schools to actually go into law school. So much work.”

“It's both of your guys' loss for not just going for an associate's in cosmetology like me,” Luna claimed. “It's far less stressful, and I'll be basically set for a job in this place forever.”

Lexa hummed. “That's true. Can't say that I ever pictured myself being interested in cosmetology though, especially not enough to get a degree in it.”

“But psychology?”

“Hey, psychology is actually really interesting,” Lexa defended. “Anyway, enough about school. How was your holiday? I didn't see you very much while I was moving.”

“Yeah, that's because you had Christmas at your mom's house with Clarke and then you moved and stayed holed up in that apartment to have sex for a week straight before school could intervene again,” Luna said, and before Lexa could argue that that was _not_ how it happened, she was continuing, “but since you asked. My holiday was great. My mom actually came back from the business trip she thought she might get stuck in Boston for, but she and my dad were both home for both Christmas and the New Year, so it was fun. Anya ditched me, though.”

Lexa nodded. “She ditched both of us. Her parents had to be all fancy and invite her and Lincoln to go to Florida with them for Christmas. Isn't that more of a summer vacation place?”

“Anya said they went to Disney World,” Luna muttered dejectedly.

“Yeah, Octavia was pissed,” Lexa admitted, laughing and shaking her head. “Except, Lincoln _did_ invite her to go, but her parents wanted her and Bellamy to go to Chicago.”

“Since when do their parents live in Chicago?”

“Since last year I think? I'm really not sure, it just happened at some point. I only ever met them once, and they seemed pretty nice,” Lexa answered. “But yeah, there was a lot of ditching going on. Clarke and I were at my mom's, but the rest of the group just holed themselves up in Raven's apartment and watch Christmas movies all day. It actually sounded fun, and Clarke and I would've gone if it weren't for my mom.”

“Do you ever think of how crazy it is that we ended up with our lives being so intertwined with a bunch of other people's? Like... the only reason I'm friends with any of these people is because of you, which is probably something that seventeen year old me never would've thought I'd be saying,” Luna wondered, laughing as Lexa rolled her eyes at the added comment.

“I just try not to question it. Don't want the universe taking it back,” she joked.

Luna hummed in agreement, sounding like she was thinking about something. “You going home soon?”

“Clarke's at the warehouse, so no. I might head over there in a bit. Why? You want me to go?” Lexa sat up a little, glancing over at Luna, who had adjusted her sitting position on the other bed.

“No, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something,” Luna said, biting down on her lower lip. “Um, it's kind of personal, so you've gotta keep it on the down low.”

“Even from Anya?” Lexa asked, furrowing her eyebrows. Lexa was pretty sure that Luna told Anya everything – they'd become possibly even closer than she and Anya were by now.

Luna looked nervous for a second, and then she opened her mouth, clearly about to speak, when a phone suddenly went off and startled them both. It was Luna's, they both realized after a moment, and the other brunette quickly located her phone and glanced at the name. “Oh, it's Anya.” She answered it. “Hey. Oh, yeah sure. No, that's fine, really. Wait, why? Oh, seriously, that's awesome. Sure. Okay, see you.” She hung up the phone and glanced over to Lexa.

“What'd she say?”

“Oh, she just wanted to know if it was cool that she didn't come to the first bonfire of the year on Saturday,” Luna said, shrugging it off. “Are you coming by the way?”

“I can't do Saturday,” Lexa answered apologetically. “I have lunch with my mom and then I'm taking Clarke out. Why did Anya cancel?”

“Apparently,” Luna started, looking down at her phone as if wanting to seem occupied, “she has a date.”

“What? Really?” Just as Lexa asked it, her phone vibrated from her pocket with a text from, she discovered a moment later, Anya.

**From Anya – Guess who has a date for the first time in forever on Saturday!!**

**To Anya – Luna just told me. I'm at your guys' dorm right now. Who is he?? Is he the reason you've been claiming that you've been busy with SCHOOL the past few days?**

**From Anya – He's my partner in my legal studies class. We got assigned on Monday to do our main semester report together, so we met up today for late lunch to talk about it, and he asked me out!! He's so hot, too. You free on Sunday? I'm gonna need a gush session.**

**To Anya – Sure, Sunday's fine. :P Congrats on getting a date for once. You really are behind on this whole relationship thing.**

**From Anya – Shut up, you started early. Anyway, I have another class, gotta go.**

Lexa slid her phone back into her pocket and then looked up to Luna, who was still entertaining herself on her own phone. “Got the 411 on Anya's date.”

“Cool,” Luna replied, distracted. Lexa surveyed her friend for a moment, frowning once she realized that Luna clearly didn't want to talk about Anya's date.

“Did you wanna go back to what you wanted to tell me? Before Anya called?” Lexa asked, but Luna looked up with wide eyes at the question.

“Oh, no it's fine. We'll talk about it some other time. I just remembered that I have homework.”

“Oh,” Lexa said skeptically, nodding. “Alright. Well, I'll head over to the warehouse I think then.”

“Cool. I'll see you later.”

Lexa stood up, looking with concern at her friend who was now apparently avoiding eye contact. Sighing, Lexa grabbed her messenger bag, which was carrying the textbooks she'd needed for the day as well as her laptop, and left the dorm. She walked the familiar steps through the dorm building, out into the parking lot, and to her car. The drive to The Bean to pick up two coffees, and then to the warehouse, was also instinctual to her by now. Living in a small town did always have that as a perk.

She recognized all of the cars parked in front of the warehouse when she got there – Finn's, Octavia's, Bellamy's, Monty's and, of course, Clarke's. Parking hers neatly next to her girlfriend's, she climbed out of the vehicle and started up to the building.

Last spring, she'd tasked herself with making the front of the warehouse look a little less abandoned, so she'd forced Bellamy and Finn to help her go get a bunch of mulch and plants to make the front look nice. It was all still there, but by now it was all basically dying, and Lexa couldn't bring herself to try again to make it look nice. She'd never been much of a gardener anyway. She'd honestly just felt like contributing, since she was at the warehouse almost more than anyone else and it wasn't even hers.

“Hey, Lexa!” Bellamy called to her from his desk in the room to the left as Lexa walked in.

“Hey, Bellamy,” she returned, flashing him a smile before starting through the building. She passed through Octavia's room, but the older brunette seemed to be working intently on something and her headphones were over her ears. She heard some noise coming from Monty's room, and as per usual, she walked by it without questioning. As she approached her girlfriend's art studio, she heard the typical play list blaring from it, and she smiled to herself as she slid the door open.

Clarke didn't notice her coming over, both because of the music and the fact that she was intently finishing something up on the painting that was in front of her. Lexa had learned through experience not to surprise Clarke while her paintbrush was actually touching a canvas, so she waited until Clarke stepped back a little to view her art before calling, “Hey.”

“Hey!” Clarke returned, turning around immediately with a smile on her face, which broadened further when she noticed the coffee that was in Lexa's hands. “Ooh, coffee!”

“Mmhmm, this is yours,” Lexa said, extending one of the cups to the blonde as she approached and keeping the other for herself.

“Thanks, cutie,” Clarke breathed out gratefully, sipping the warm drink. “How was class?”

“Fine,” Lexa answered, dropping her book bag onto the floor carelessly and sitting on Clarke's table. “I went to Luna's after, and she was weird. I think something's up with her, but she won't talk to me about it.”

“People are weird,” Clarke justified.

“Yeah, but Luna is usually an open book. Whatever it is she wanted to talk about, I'm pretty sure she doesn't even want to talk to Anya about it, and that's weird,” Lexa stated, sighing. “Ugh, don't tell her I told you that.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah, I'll just, 'Hey Luna, Lexa tells me that you're on the fence about talking about something that you don't even want to tell Anya, what's up with that?' I never even hang out with Luna unless you're there anyway.”

“I know,” Lexa said, laughing and shaking her head as she took a drink of her black coffee. “Hey, since when did prices at The Bean go up, by the way? Your coffee was like two dollars more expensive than usual.”

Clarke nodded, shrugging. “Yeah, with that office building opening up and all those new places they're building, prices everywhere are going up. On the bright side, they also upped my pay a little. This place is going to become a legit city one day, apparently.”

“That's hard to imagine.”

“Not really. We already have the place that would be the uptown area, and a place that could be easily expanded into a downtown. And they've got a nice university to surround,” Clarke reasoned. “It makes sense, and it was bound to happen eventually. Actually, my mom explained it all to me in her latest email. 'Clarke, you're living in a rising city, I'm _sure_ that there is something far more productive for you to be doing than _painting_ and serving _coffee_ '.”

“Have you answered any of them?”

Clarke shook her head. “I don't want to. Probably this weekend I'll email her back and tell her to stop with the transactions and the emails. Frankly, I think she thinks that I won't because I don't want her to cut me off completely, but at this point, I really don't need her at all in my life. College is done with, she paid for it all so I don't even have any loans. I've been _fine_ without her, and I don't see why she's decided to just butt back in.”

“You know parents,” Lexa said, giving the blonde a resigned look, “they're completely incredulous about seventy percent of the time.”

“I'm just glad that your mom likes me,” Clarke stated, pausing to drink her coffee again. “It actually feels kind of nice knowing that someone at least kind of cares about like a daughter.”

“If you were her actual daughter, you'd probably think differently. There's no way she would've let you pursue art. I mean, obviously once you got into college she wouldn't have really stopped you, but it would've made high school hell for you.”

“You know, I'm not really mad that she's not really my mom, considering that if she was, you and I would be sisters.” Clarke smirked at Lexa, who made a disgusted face at the thought.

“Do you think that if we had had each other's parents growing up that we would've turned out the same way? Or do you think that I would've ended up being the artist and you'd be the nerd?” Lexa asked.

“Well if our genetics were the same, I'm pretty sure that there's no chance you'd have been the artist,” Clarke said, glancing over at her paint covered door. “You can't even paint a stick figure right.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “That's not exactly what I meant, but I guess you're right.” She took a sip of her coffee and met Clarke's gaze. “What time are you gonna head home?”

“I'm almost done with this.” Clarke nodded to the piece she'd just been working on. “I'm not going to send it out until tomorrow, because I obviously want it to dry completely first. So I'll probably be good to head out in about an hour. You gonna stick around?”

“Well, I have my laptop with me, so I can do some homework while you paint.”

“Will music bother you?”

“Does it ever?”

Clarke smirked, setting down her mostly empty coffee cup and moving over to her computer. “No, but I might as well ask every time. You never know when I might catch you in a bad mood.” Lexa smiled, scooting off of the table and sitting on a chair instead, reaching down to her bag and retrieving her computer. It was always a joke between them, catching Lexa in a bad mood. She was rarely ever in one. Sure, sometimes she got upset about things or she just felt like curling up and sleeping, but her temper was really never quick. Not like Clarke, who could pretty easily get pissed at anyone. Not Lexa, usually, which was good, but it was still a big difference between them. Of course, Lexa had known this about her girlfriend from the day that she met her, and it had never really bothered her.

However, there were the occasional times, like the previous day, when Clarke would happen to walk into the apartment to find Lexa cursing at her homework or stomping around. Those moods never lasted, though, because as soon as Lexa saw Clarke, she was calm.

They stayed like that for a while, Lexa doing her homework at Clarke's table and the blonde painting at her easel as the music played. Lexa knew when Clarke was finished with the piece by the long breath that she let out. It was full of relief and yet a twinge of sadness, which was how Clarke always felt when she finished something. Lexa glanced over at the canvas before Clarke had even turned around. “It looks awesome. The lady who ordered it is gonna love it.”

Clarke flashed her a grin. “I hope so. Well, I'm all done. You ready to go home?”

“Mmhmm,” Lexa confirmed, closing her laptop and slipping it into her bag. “Say that again.”

“What? Go home?” Clarke asked, dumping her paint brushes into the water basin she'd added sometime during Lexa's freshman year of college.

“Yes. I like it when you say that.”

Clarke smiled at her softly. “Well then let's go home.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This morning I woke up early because I had to go to my school for a prep day for this weekend summer camp I'll be volunteering at in a couple of weeks. Thing is, the planning day is technically next week, but because my internship coincides with it, I had to come in early. There were only 2 other people there this morning, and we all showed up at nine ready to stay until two, which is when we were supposed to be done. Turns out that none of the stuff we were supposed to do was really ready to be done, so we just got a rundown on the whole weekend and the things that we will need to do after the other camp counselors meet next week. We're like ookaay, and by the time we're done, it's 9:40. Now, I don't have my license or a car, so I'd been dropped off at the school and I'm here like, alright, I wasn't going to be picked up until 2pm... So I texted my parents and my dad said he'd come and pick me up in twenty minutes. I was like eh not bad, I'll just go get some bubble tea while I wait. AND THE BUBBLE TEA PLACE WAS CLOSED!!! ;-; I settled for a lemonade from a donut place. I'm home now, just took a nap actually lol, but I'm still butthurt about not getting bubble tea.  
> Anyway, that's my random story of the day. Thanks for reading ;D Comments and kudos are all so appreciated <3 I love you all, I hope you all have a lovely day/night!!


	3. You Wouldn't Know Me Anyway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa have an important discussion, and Lexa needs to get some air so she decides to go to her mom's house, only to find something unexpected there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, beautifuls!! Seeing all of the SDCC stuff going on right now via Twitter, I started feeling all depressed about not being there and whatnot, so I decided that it was a good time to update haha. Plus, I'll be heading out to run some errands soon, and I didn't wanna delay the update too much :D Your guys' comments so far on this story are giving me life :) I'm so glad that you're all excited for the drama to come, and all of the stuff that I have planned!! This chapter is very important, as you'll see, but it's not the fluffiest ever. I do want to say in advance, however, that despite the drama and possible angst that will be in a lot of this story, I am and will continue to write as many fluffy breaks from the drama as I can. As I've promised you all many times, I will take good care of Clexa <3  
> That said, I hope you like the chapter!!
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

Surprisingly, Thursday was Lexa's most favorite day of the week, not including the weekend of course. She had no classes on Thursdays, because instead she worked in the fancier area of town at a psychologist's office that had opened during her freshman year. The place was open Monday through Thursday, and two different psychologists owned and worked at it. Lexa had interned with them the previous summer, and they'd offer her a part time job as their assistant of sorts, to work around her schedule. She'd done everything in her power to clear a whole day, Thursday, of classes so that she could work a full day a week at least, but she also worked for a few hours on Monday. It was a decent paying job, so that made up for the fact that she didn't work all the time. It also helped that she didn't have to pay her full college tuition thanks to her scholarship.

On Thursday, she spent eight hours at the office, and she never found herself regretting her decision to start studying psych. What made Thursday even better was that Clarke did her best to never get night shifts at The Bean on Thursdays, and always came home by six from the warehouse, which meant that every Thursday night was one that they could spend together. They usually stayed in, though, on Thursdays, because weekends were always better for going out. Especially since Lexa spent all day Thursday working, and she just wanted to curl up with Clarke at the end of the day.

On this particular Thursday, Lexa was planning on ordering pizza for her and her girlfriend as soon as she got to the apartment, but when she arrived home from work, she found that Clarke was already there. “Hey,” Lexa said, slightly confused as she saw their bedroom door open. Through it, she could glimpse the edge of the bed and see Clarke sitting on it, on her phone or something. The blonde leaned over a little to glance out the door and smiled at Lexa in greeting. Lexa set her phone down on the table in the living area of the apartment and then walked into the bedroom. “I wasn't expecting you to be home yet. I was gonna order pizza.”

“We can order pizza. But actually, I'm here early because I wanted to talk to you about something,” Clarke admitted, sitting up a little straighter and patting the space next to her. Lexa moved around the bed and took a seat next to the blonde, gazing at her expectantly.

“Okay.”

“So, yesterday Octavia told me that she's thinking about moving to New York City,” Clarke stated flatly, and Lexa's eyebrows shot up.

“Holy shit, really? When? She hasn't graduated with her master's yet.”

“She's thinking right after she does graduate, at the end of this semester,” Clarke explained, and Lexa could tell that she was trying to gauge her reaction to each part of this explanation. “She thinks that she'll be able to find a better journalism job there, and she's probably right.”

“That makes sense.” Lexa found this all somewhat surprising, but what she wasn't understanding was the look that was on Clarke's face, the one that was hinting that she was nervous. Clarke didn't get nervous easily, and Lexa was instantly concerned by the expression on her girlfriend's face.

Clarke nodded. “I was talking to her again today, and I guess Bellamy is thinking about going too. And Raven. And Jasper and Monty.”

Lexa blinked. “Wait, seriously? They're all going to New York in half a year?”

“They're gonna see if it'll work out,” Clarke answered, shifting a little. “Octavia wants me to go.”

Lexa felt her heart beat freeze for a moment, and she swallowed. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“But you're not going to go...?”

Clarke was quiet for a moment, and then let out a breath. “We could both go, you know? A lot of people here move to bigger cities after they graduate from Polis U.”

“In case you forgot,” Lexa said, keeping her voice even, “I'm not even halfway to graduating from Polis U.”

“You could transfer,” Clarke stated, and Lexa raised her eyebrows as she continued, “that's what Raven and Monty are considering doing. They're going to start putting transfer applications together for NYU and Columbia.”

“You want me to transfer to NYU out of the blue?”

“Your scholarship runs out after this semester anyway, doesn't it?” Clarke asked. “NYU wouldn't be _that_ much more expensive... and I could help you pay for it.”

Lexa blinked, glancing away from Clarke for a minute to try and process what Clarke was suggesting. “Clarke, I... I can't just get up and leave. My best friends live here, and so does my mom.”

“Would you at least think about it?”

“You are _seriously_ wanting to move to New York?” Lexa asked, scanning Clarke's face carefully.

“My entire friend group wants to go, and frankly, I wouldn't mind the change. It'd probably be way easier for me to do art there, too,” Clarke reasoned. She seemed unsure of Lexa's opinion on the matter, but Lexa wasn't really sure how she felt about it yet either.

“Okay, so I guess here's the important question. If I said that I wanted to stay here, would you go anyway and leave me here, or stay here and resent me for it?” Lexa asked, her voice deadly quiet. It was rare that she got mad at Clarke, but right now she felt blindsided, and it didn't feel fair.

It was obvious that Clarke was immediately aware of the shift. “I wouldn't just leave you here, Lexa.”

“So you'd stay, and hate me because I was the reason you couldn't go to New York City with all of your friends?” Clarke stayed quiet, as if she was unsure whether or not she should respond. “Yes? No? I just don't get it, Clarke, I don't feel like there's an option as to whether or not _you're_ going to go.”

“Nothing is set in stone,” Clarke said quickly, “I mean, Octavia is seriously considering it, but like, Raven and Monty don't even know if they'll be able to transfer yet.”

“So whether or not you go depends on how many of your friends are going?”

“Don't do that,” Clarke said, furrowing her eyebrows. “I didn't say that.”

Lexa let out an exasperated sigh. “Sure sounds like that's what you meant, though.”

“We don't have to decide on anything now, you know? We have time to talk about this, or to think about it, or whatever,” Clarke said, realizing that this had not gone as she'd planned it to. Lexa was sliding her legs off of the bed and standing up. “Wait, Lexa, seriously, I'm sorry for bringing this up right now.”

“It's fine, there's not really a right or wrong time to bring up the idea of a life changing decision being made,” Lexa muttered, running her hand through her hair.

“Lexa –“

“It's fine, Clarke, I just... I have no idea how I feel about this, okay? We can talk about it later, but right now I need air.”

Clarke nodded weakly. “Where you going?” she asked softly, as Lexa went to their closet and grabbed one of her warmer coats.

“I don't know. Maybe to my mom's,” Lexa answered.

“Are you coming back?”

Lexa looked over to Clarke, and saw the fear written across her face, and it made her heart ache. “Of course, Clarke. It's just... what you're asking is a big deal. And the last thing I want is to hold you back from what you want to do. This conversation obviously isn't over, but I just can't do it right now, please. I need to think.”

“When are you going to be back?”

“A few hours maybe,” Lexa answered. “Before it gets too late.”

“Okay. You don't want to talk about it when you get back either, right? I don't want to bring it up again if you don't want me to.”

Lexa wet her lips, glancing down at her feet. “It's like you said, we don't have to know what's going to happen yet. Let's just... talk about it later, okay?”

“Okay, that's fine, we can talk about it whenever you want to,” Clarke insisted, sitting forward a little. “You don't have to go. I was looking forward to our evening together. We can still order pizza.”

Lexa nodded. “Two hours? I won't be gone longer than two hours.” Clarke nodded sadly in resignation, and Lexa felt slightly bad, but she couldn't help but feel like she'd been shoved into a corner, and she just needed to escape for the time being. Obviously, at some point she would end up back in this corner, but right now she felt too squeezed in. She needed to go somewhere else.

“Love you,” Clarke said, as Lexa made her way out of the bedroom.

Lexa gave her a careful smile over her shoulder. “I love you, too.”

She had her phone and her keys when she walked out of the apartment, and when she exited the building out into the cold air, she immediately felt better. She considered maybe just walking around the block a couple of times, but she thought that it might be a good idea to actually go to her mom's place. She knew that she would be seeing her mom on Saturday, but all she wanted to do right now was talk about this New York thing. Her mom would probably be the first person to insist that she stay here, but she may also surprise Lexa and say that she should go be free out in the world.

Lexa just wanted to know what her mom would say, and now that she was speculating, she couldn't wait until Saturday to find out.

So she got into her car and pulled out of the lot, starting toward the neighborhood that she'd grown up in her entire life.

She thought about New York as she drove. That was about five hours away from Polis, which was the town she was born and raised in. She'd left Polis twice in her whole life. There was one time that her mom drove her up to DC, and another time that they went to Virginia Beach. Aside from that, the furthest out of town she'd been was the Ikea that was about an hour away, to buy the desk that now sat next to Clarke's in their apartment.

Their apartment. She loved that it was theirs, but what about if Clarke left and Lexa didn't? That thought tore her apart inside, but she knew that it could also be a real possibility of what might happen. If it did, would she keep the apartment? She definitely couldn't afford it by herself, which meant that she'd probably have to move back onto campus or in with her mom again.

If Clarke went to New York without her, would they even stay together?

She felt sick all of the sudden, and pulled her car over, rolling down her windows and letting the cool air float in and dancer around her well wrapped up body. She took in deep breaths until she didn't feel like vomiting, at which point she rolled her windows back up and continued on driving through town.

Traffic was never really bad in town, and it was always worse around the university and the city area growing around the campus. But nearer to wear Lexa had grown up, the streets always seemed fairly empty unless it was the end of the work day or the crack of dawn. Then there were the grungier parts of town, which were rarely visited by people didn't live or work there. It was generally an easy drive in Polis, no matter where one was going.

When she reached her mom's house, she parked her car in front of the driveway and didn't even notice that there was an extra car parked there as well. She made her way up the sidewalk to the front door and knocked on the door. It was almost six now, so her mom should be home.

A few seconds passed before the door opened, and it was not her mother standing in front of her.

Instead it was a man, a few inches taller than her, looking at her with confusion. “Hello?” he said.

“I'm looking for Alexandria,” Lexa said, feeling ridiculous as she said it. Obviously she was here to see her mother, and she had no idea who the hell was standing in front of her. He was tall, as she'd already identified, and had light hair atop his head, as well as piercing green eyes.

“And you are?”

“Um, her daughter?” she returned, crossing her arms over her chest.

The man looked her up and down curiously. “Oh, right. Lexa, right? You're about twenty now?”

Lexa narrowed her eyes. “I turned twenty in October.”

“Oh, really?” he asked, his face lighting up and confusing Lexa anymore. “So, Libra or Scorpio?”

“The tenth,” Lexa answered, “Libra.”

“Ah, I was going to say that it would be funny if you'd been born a Scorpio. I'm a Scorpio, born October thirtieth.”

“Why would that be funny? I don't even know who you are,” Lexa stated, completely and utterly confused now.

The man nodded, apparently aware that Lexa was clueless in the matter. “That figures. You wouldn't know me anyway.” Suddenly, Lexa's mom appeared from behind the man.

“Oh, Lexa! Sorry, I was in the bathroom! Um. I wasn't expecting to see you until Saturday.”

Lexa glanced between the man and her mother. “Yeah, I needed to get out of the apartment and I thought that maybe you'd be free to talk right now. I see now that you're not, so I can just go.”

“I'm really sorry,” her mom apologized profusely, “I wanted to tell you about Anthony, but he just showed up earlier this week and I was going to talk to you about him on Saturday... I didn't think you'd come by. You were busy with moving and everything...”

Lexa's eyebrows were knit together at this point, and she shook her head. “What? Anthony?”

Her mother froze, realizing that Lexa was legitimately clueless as to who the man in front of her was. The man – Anthony, Lexa supposed – glanced between the two women, and sighed. He extended a hand to Lexa and said, “Hello, Lexa, I'm Anthony. Your father.”

Lexa froze, her heart pounding in her chest. Her hand didn't move to shake his, in fact she didn't physically react for a good twenty seconds. When she finally did move, it was to stumble backwards. “What?”

Anthony turned to glance at Lexa's mom. “I thought you would've at least told her my name.”

Lexa swallowed thickly, feeling like her heart was rising up in her body and like she might vomit it up. Her mother spoke next, “Just like I've refused to give you her whole life story on her behalf, I have refrained from telling her all of your information. It is _you_ who left _us_ anyway. Lexa? Are you alright?”

Lexa shook her head. “Um, no, I need to... ah, go. I forgot, I have, um, somewhere to be.”

“Lexa, please wait,” Anthony was saying as Lexa turned around, squeezing her eyes closed for a moment as she followed the familiar sidewalk back down to where she'd parked her car. She heard her mom call something after her as well as she climbed into her car, starting it without a second thought. She didn't even glance back as she drove away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it a surprise? :D Actually, Lexa's dad was the main thing that I wanted to address with this sequel, and everything else that is/will be happening was stuff that I decided to implement on top of that.  
> Writing drama always makes me want to apologize a bunch for things that happen since I know the future of this story... but I'm going to try something new and just let you guys know that I have all my plans for everything that's going to happen in this story all worked out ;) In fact, I'm already about to start writing chapter 12 of this story, and I have a list right now of like 6 or so different things that will be happening in chapters 12-16ish... So with that said, I hope you don't hate me too much for making Clexa argue and whatnot.  
> Eek! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, thanks for reading! I LOVE YOU ALL and please have a lovely day/night! (which you probably won't if you're like me and just wanna cry every time you remember that people get to meet Eliza and ADC today and you don't :c ) xx


	4. Do You Wanna Talk About It?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa recovers from the shock of seeing her dad, and Clexa has separate conversations with their best friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost: I hope that you all know me well enough by now to know that I don't like doing the same thing twice c; and I want you guys to know that I don't intend for this story to become a long distance relationship story like Stay With Me. =)  
> Your guys' support for this story has blown me away, and I really hope that you all will continue to enjoy it! I've loved writing it so far, and I just finished chapter 12 this morning! I have most of the story plotted out by now, and the story is currently 37k words on my computer right now. I'm not exactly sure how long it will end up being, possibly only 20 chapters. Either way, I've had so much fun writing it and planning it, and I'm so excited for you guys to keep reading! It's come to the point where updating once per day feels too slow, but then I remember that an update a day is fast updating xD  
> Plus, on Monday I start my internship that will last for 2 weeks, and I will probably have less time to write. The fact that I'm 8 chapters ahead means that you will at LEAST have daily updates up until next weekend, which would then be when I could pop out a few more chapters if I don't get the chance during the upcoming week. :P  
> Anyway!
> 
> Enjoy!! xx

“Lexa?” Clarke called, concerned as she heard the front door open and close extremely fast. She was in the bathroom, having just taken off her makeup, but immediately rushed out to see that her girlfriend was okay. Lexa was leaning against the door, her eyes squeezed shut and her breathing heavy and uneven. It looked like she'd been running from something. “Lexa, are you okay?”

“I just... met my dad,” Lexa breathed out, her eyes still closed. “I went to my mom's, and this guy opened the door and I had no idea who he was... his name is Anthony...”

Clarke's eyes were wide, but she pushed aside the questions that were suddenly flooding through her mind and crossed the room to her girlfriend. “Hey, it's okay,” she soothed, grabbing Lexa's hands and pulling her away from the door and into a soft hug. Lexa wrapped her arms around her immediately, desperately clinging to her and burying her face into Clarke's neck. “You're okay.”

“He was so calm, like he thought that I'd just be like, 'hey dad, what's up?',” Lexa muttered, and Clarke felt tears on her neck. “And my mom didn't even seem fazed... I mean, I guess he's been here since earlier this week, but... what the _fuck_?” Lexa pulled away from the hug, and the tears streaking her face were so foreign to Clarke. Her girlfriend hardly ever cried, and it hurt to see them. “Why the fuck is he here?”

“I don't know, babe,” Clarke murmured.

Lexa's phone went off suddenly, and the brunette jumped slightly at the abrupt sound. She grabbed it out of her coat pocket and scanned over the screen. “It's my mom. I don't want to answer.”

Clarke took the phone from her, giving Lexa an inquisitive look that was met with a weak nod. As Clarke slid the answer bar and lifted the phone to her ear, Lexa wiped at her face, starting into the bedroom. Clarke followed her carefully as Lexa's mom began to speak. “Lexa, are you alright? You really shouldn't be driving, you were shaking so badly when you left. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about your dad coming into town, I was going to talk about it with you on Saturday, and –“

“Alexandria,” Clarke said quickly, cutting her off, “it's Clarke.”

“Oh, Clarke. So Lexa made it home, or she didn't have her phone with her?”

“She's home,” Clarke assured the woman, and Lexa disappeared into the bathroom as Clarke took a seat on the edge of the bed. She heard the sink water start running and figured that Lexa was cleaning off her face. “I don't really think she's in any mood to talk with you right now.”

“No, I understand. I feel so awful for not telling her sooner, but I was processing him coming back into town and I needed to calm down before I could involve Lexa,” Alexandria explained weakly. “I really didn't think that she would come by at all this week. I mean, you two spent Christmas with me and then you were moving, I figured she'd still be busy adjusting and with school and everything.”

“Yeah.” Clarke frowned, thinking of why Lexa had decided abruptly to go see her mom. It was still hurting, thinking about watching Lexa leave earlier. An hour hadn't even passed since then, but Clarke knew that this was no time to be bringing up New York again, so she pushed the topic from her mind.

“Could you ask her if she still wants to come to lunch on Saturday? I really owe her an explanation.”

Lexa came out of the bathroom then, her tears and makeup washed off her face, and Clarke gave her a curious look, moving the phone away from her mouth. “Your mom wants to know if you still want to do lunch with her on Saturday?”

“Sure,” Lexa murmured, walking past where Clarke was sitting on the bed and climbing under the covers, sitting up against the headboard.

“Yeah, she'll do lunch on Saturday still,” Clarke said into the phone, scooting back and sliding her legs under the blankets. Lexa leaned against her, and the blonde just wanted to hold her girlfriend and try to promise that it was all going to be okay.

“Okay... is she going to be alright tonight?”

Clarke let out a sigh. “I'll take care of her.”

“I know,” Alexandria murmured. “Thank you, Clarke. Tell Lexa that I will text her Saturday about lunch.”

“Sure thing. Bye.” The line ended, and Clarke set the phone on then nightstand nearest to her. “Your mom said she'll text you on Saturday about lunch.”

Lexa looked up at the blonde with wide, green eyes. “Will you come with me on Saturday for lunch? I asked my mom earlier this week and she said it's okay.”

“Are you sure that you want me to? I mean, to be there while you guys talk about him.”

Lexa nodded. “Yes. I need you to be there, please.”

“Of course, babe,” Clarke agreed, wrapping her arms around the brunette and holding her tightly. “Of course I'll come with you.”

They sat like that for a while, and Clarke felt Lexa's breathing even out, and there was no more quiet crying or choked sobs after a while. Clarke was almost sure that Lexa had fallen asleep, but then she heard the small question, “Can we still order pizza?”

“Mmhmm,” Clarke hummed, smiling softly and reaching over to the nightstand again for Lexa's phone. She wasn't quite sure where her own was at the moment. She knew that she'd had it with her when she got back to the apartment before Lexa, but she hadn't thought she'd need it at all for the rest of the night, since she'd been planning on staying in with Lexa without any complications.

She tried not to mentally scold herself too much for bringing up the New York thing earlier, because she really wasn't sure that she was to _blame_ really, but she felt bad all the same. The fact was that talking about it with her friends had gotten her excited about it, and she wanted to share that with the person who she loved most. She should've thought ahead about how Lexa would see it all, though.

Once she ordered pizza, Lexa got up off of the bed and went to their closet, and changing into pajamas much to Clarke's delight. It meant that the brunette wasn't leaving again at all, and that was a good feeling. “Do you wanna talk about it?” she heard herself ask.

Lexa's gaze fell on her softly and she shook her head. “Saturday,” she said quietly, and Clarke nodded in understanding. “We should binge something on Netflix. We finally got our own Netflix account and we haven't used it except for once.”

“Of course once we start spending money on something we start having less time for it,” Clarke realized with a light laugh. “Sure, what do you wanna watch?”

Lexa shrugged, grabbing the TV remotes from the front of the bedroom before going back over to her side of the bed and curling into her girlfriend. They scrolled through all of the categories until they found something that looked somewhat interesting. Ten minutes into it, their pizza arrived, and Clarke jumped up to buzz the guy into the building, and then pay for it and bring it back into the bedroom.

Despite the evening's events, the two of them laid comfortably with one another for the night, and Clarke was just happy about that.

* * *

“I'm so excited for it, this guys is seriously so smart and nice,” Anya gushed happily on the other end of the call that Lexa was on with her, “and he's fucking hot. Seriously, even you would have to admit that he's attractive.”

Lexa snickered. “I'm sure.” She was currently walking across campus, along the sidewalk that stretched through the well kept greens area. It was in the center of campus, a park like area that was always scattered with people having picnics, or reading or sketching. Lexa walked through it every Friday to get from her stats class to her research design class. They were her two least favorite classes, but they were thankfully the only classes she had on Friday. She had a whole gap of two hours in between them, so she took the longest route to walk from one building to the other and usually stopped at the campus' main cafe for lunch as well.

“No seriously,” Anya insisted. “Anyway, how's your day going?”

“No comment,” Lexa answered, chuckling. She had yet to tell Anya about anything that had happened the previous evening, mostly because she didn't want to think about it. She'd woken up this morning to a note sitting next to her freshly charged phone on the nightstand that read: **Good morning, babe <3 I didn't wanna wake you, because I know you had a rough night, but I have work. :( I'm going to the warehouse tonight, but if you want me to come home early I will. Love you. - Clarke**

Lexa was pretty sure that she could never find anyone as incredible as Clarke to be with forever, and frankly, the thought that she would have to hadn't crossed her mind but maybe once or twice in the past two years. But every time she thought of Clarke bringing up New York, the feeling bubbled up and she felt like throwing up, so she'd been doing her best not to think about it. She realized suddenly that Anya was talking again. “ – but I guess it's good that your next class is your last of the week. Has it been an incredibly long week for you as well?”

Lexa frowned. “You have no idea.”

“What do you mean? Is everything alright with you?” Anya asked, immediately concerned. “Did something happen with your mom, or... Clarke?”

“No,” Lexa said, before realizing that it was a lie in both regards, “I mean... ugh, I don't want to talk about it right now. Can we talk about it next week sometime? I'm kind of just looking for something to take my mind off of things today.”

“Yeah, that's totally cool, I get it,” Anya promised. “Oh hey, by the way, have you talked to Luna today, or yesterday? She won't pick up my calls and I haven't seen her in the dorm.”

Lexa frowned. “I don't know where she's been. This morning she texted me and double checked that I wasn't going to be able to go to the bonfire on Saturday, so I know she's like, alive. I don't know why she isn't picking up your calls. Did you two fight or something?”

“No, I'm clueless,” Anya admitted. “Luna's a fucking mystery half of the time. I'm still not sure how I became such good friends with her.”

“Because of me, duh.” Lexa smiled teasingly, and she heard Anya scoff.

“I have you to thank for the number of times I've gone out and gotten plastered between senior year and now, then.”

“Oh come on, you love me and you love Luna.”

Anya huffed. “Yeah, whatever, I guess. Ah shit, I have to go, my professor just got here and so looks like class is starting ten minutes early. Who's surprised, though? I hate this guy. Bye, Lex.”

The call ended, and Lexa pocketed her phone.

* * *

“Did you talk to Lexa about New York?” Octavia asked, grinning widely at the blonde as she came into the warehouse.

Clarke groaned, collapsing onto one of Octavia's couches. She'd been working all day, and some asshole had come in about half an hour before her shift had ended, complaining about the raised prices. She'd done her best to calm him down, but eventually her replacement had come in and she bolted.

“Is that a no?”

“No, that's a yes,” Clarke snapped, glaring at her friend, “and an 'I don't want to talk about it'.”

Raven came into the room suddenly. “So did you?”

“What?”

“Talk to Lexa about New York.”

“I just asked her that, Raven.”

“And?”

Clarke ran a hand through her hair, exhaling. “I did, and I don't want to talk about it.”

“What, why?” Raven asked, frowning. “Did she say that she doesn't want to go? Did you tell her about NYU?”

“Raven,” Clarke growled as her gaze narrowed into a glare, “I don't want to talk about it. Lexa and I haven't decided on anything, and right now really isn't a good time for me to asking her about it either. She's going through something and I really don't want to bother her about whether or not we're _moving_ out of the town that she _grew up in_.”

“Alright, fine,” Raven said defensively, lifting her hands up defensively, “whatever. What's going on though, is she okay?”

“She'll be okay.”

Octavia rolled her eyes. “But what's going on?”

Clarke crossed her arms over her chest, glancing between the two of them. “Her dad is in town.”

“ _What_? Her dad as in the asshole who left her and her mom before she was even the size of a grape?”

Clarke nodded. “Yeah. She went over to her mom's yesterday and instead came face to face with her dad. She and I are going to lunch with Alexandria tomorrow, because she wants to explain. I'm honestly just completely surprised. Why the fuck would he just come back over twenty years after leaving?”

Octavia frowned. “Maybe he was curious to see what he missed out on.”

“Yeah, well, I don't think he deserves to,” Clarke bit out, sitting up a bit straighter. “Lexa's become the amazing person she is _without_ him, and all he's done for her since conceiving her is make her doubt herself. I, for one, and not excited to meet him.”

“Well, is Lexa?” Raven asked.

“I mean, she met him and then turned around and drove off.”

“I just mean, maybe she's curious to get to know him or something. He did provide the other half of her genetics,” Raven reasoned, and Clarke frowned. So far, Lexa hadn't said anything about being interested in sitting down and talking with her dad, but it had been less than a day, and they hadn't even talked with Lexa's mom about the whole situation yet.

“If she wants to, that's her choice, and I'm going to support whatever choice she makes about her dad and her family situation. I'm just saying that I'm mostly pissed that he'd show up and shake her life _right now_. Seems kind of messed up,” Clarke grumbled, frowning. “Not to mention that I'm already dealing with all this shit with my mom emailing me.”

“Your mom is sending you money with no strings attached,” Octavia reminded her, smirking. “You really shouldn't be complaining.” Raven elbowed the other brunette, who flashed her a glare.

Clarke shook her head, standing up and making her way through Octavia's room and to the rest of the warehouse. “I have to go package up a painting and get it ready to ship. I'll see you guys later.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this chapter, the rest of the chapters start getting back to my typical Pristine length chapters =D As you can see, all of this stuff kind of hits Clexa pretty abruptly, and I didn't want the story itself to feel as fast as it is, so I felt like certain things needed a chapter to themselves or needed to be separate from other things. Of course, everything addressed will be readdressed ;)  
> Last night I forced myself to go to sleep at 10:30PM, the earliest I've gone to sleep in probably a year or more. This was an incredibly good idea, because I woke up at 6am this morning will literally no issues, and I feel great!! Not that I needed to be up at 6am, but I love waking up early, so it was nice. I'm planning on trying to keep this same sleep schedule for the sake of keeping my sanity while doing my internship. And then this morning me and my sister took a walk to the mailbox in our neighborhood to get our Lindsey Morgan "We All Have Battle Scars" shirts... I seriously love this shirt!! :D   
> I love you all so much, thanks to all of you who have been supporting me and this story and letting me rant to you guys on Twitter and whatnot! <3 Have a lovely day/night!! xx


	5. Is This Anthony?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa meet with Lexa's mom to discuss her father, and Clexa have a date and some time alone ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey beautifuls! Not going to take too long with the notes today, because I'm going to be heading to bed in a few hours so that I get up on time for my internship that starts tomorrow! Eeek I'm nervous! But yeah, I have limited time to eat and de-stress before I got to bed haha. Anyway, I hope that you guys are still enjoying this! I know there is a lot going on in it, but I'm trying to add as much fluff and and happy stuff in between all the drama :)
> 
> Enjoy!xx

Lexa glanced down at the glass sitting in front of her, and then over at the entrance to the cafe that she, Clarke and her mom were all seated in. It had been a good sixty seconds since they had sat down, but no one had spoken yet. Lexa wasn't sure where she should start, and it seemed like her mother felt the same way. Clarke, of course, was probably just trying to be respectful of the fact that this situation wasn't _really_ hers, but Lexa felt like as much involved Clarke as it did Lexa. After all, it wasn't like Lexa had any connection to her father other than the fact that he helped to conceive her.

“So,” Clarke said, and no one was really surprised that she was the first to say anything, “where's he back from?”

Lexa glanced at the blonde, grateful that she would kick off the conversation. Clarke gave her a soft smile in return, and Lexa's mom took in a deep breath. “Well, he lives in New Jersey.”

“Is he staying with you?” Lexa asked. That was the main thing that had been bothering her since running into her father at her mother's house.

“Oh god no,” Alexandria quickly denied, shaking her head. “No, he's not. He's at the Marriott. He came by my office on campus on Monday to pop in and say hi, or something, and I freaked out on him. Then I ran into him again on Wednesday at The Bean, and I told him to come by the house on Thursday so that we could catch up. That's what we were doing when you came by. It was only the second time I'd seen him again.”

“What kind of stuff did you catch up on?” Lexa asked, still put off by the idea.

“He wanted to ask me a lot of questions about you, but I didn't want to tell him all about you when he's the one who left us. So we ended up mostly catching up on him,” her mother explained, nodding a little to herself. “Really all I did tell him about you was your name. He didn't even know that much.”

“Where's he been?”

“Jersey,” Alexandria repeated, but Lexa huffed and shook her head.

“I mean, what's he been doing? What did he do with his life for twenty years after leaving? Did he even care that he left?” Lexa demanded, jumping a little when Clarke grabbed her hand, though she relaxed immediately afterward at the touch.

“He apologized, but he has a different life now. I'm not saying that you should forgive him for the sake of forgiving him. I was just as mad at him as you must be right now. I really can't explain his whole life to you. If you want to learn more about him and connect with him, that's your decision, and you can reach out to him if you want to.”

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows.

“Actually, he would really like you to do so,” her mom continued, sighing and reaching into her purse. “I told him that he shouldn't expect you to agree, but he asked me to give you his cell and said he would like to meet up with you for lunch tomorrow.”

“I can't,” Lexa muttered, “I have plans with Anya.”

Alexandria exhaled. “Obviously it's your choice, Lexa, but I'm not sure for how long he'll be in town, and you and Anya will always both be here and able to hang out.”

Lexa frowned at that, because the first thing she thought of was Clarke's suggestion about moving to New York, and she was sure that her expression darkened as she thought about it again. Clarke squeezed her hand again, knowing that it was crossing her mind, and Lexa sighed sadly. “I guess I can meet with him. I don't know what he'd be able to say to make me feel less angry toward him.”

“You're angry at him for leaving, Lexa, which is fair. No one would expect you to forgive him for that easily. I haven't forgiven him, either, but I've moved past it. The fact is, I'm content with the way life worked out, and it doesn't help to imagine what it could've been like. All Anthony wants is to catch up with you. He's not asking to _be_ your dad. He knows that he missed that opportunity twenty years ago,” Alexandria explained, giving her daughter a soft smile. “You don't have to do anything that you're not comfortable doing, though, so don't feel like I'm _asking_ you to meet with him. He's asking.”

She pulled a slip of paper out of her purse and slid it across the table. It had the name Anthony Hansen written across it, followed by a phone number, both in slightly messy handwriting. “On the bright side,” Lexa muttered, grabbing the paper, “Woods is a much nicer sounding last name than Hansen.”

“Lexa Hansen,” Clarke tested, before making a displeased look with her face, “no, it doesn't fit you at all.”

Alexandria chuckled, nodding. “Call him or text him if you want to, Lexa. If you never want to see him, don't contact him, and he'll know.”

A waiter suddenly approached them with the food that they had ordered at the counter before sitting down. They quietly thanked him as he set the dishes out in front of them, and when he was gone, Lexa silently began to eat. Alexandria and Clarke followed suit.

“So,” Lexa's mom started, “how has living together been? Upgrade from the dorm, I assume?”

“Yes,” Lexa agreed, a smile tugging at her lips, “definitely.”

“She really doesn't take up any more space than she used to when she didn't live with me, so it's really only been different in that now she _never_ goes anywhere else to sleep,” Clarke said, smiling teasingly at her girlfriend. Lexa's smile spread fully now. She never really understood how Clarke could always make her smile, no matter what, but it was something that she loved about the blonde.

“How's Anya? Didn't she and her family go to Florida for the break?”

Lexa nodded. “Yeah, they got back last weekend just before the new semester started. She's good. She has a _date_ tonight that she's been freaking out about. Which is probably good, because she needs a distraction from the fact that Luna, for some reason, is not talking to her.”

“Really?” Clarke asked curiously, giving Lexa a sidelong glance.

“Yeah, I talked to her yesterday and she said that Luna was avoiding all of her calls and not going back to the dorm at all.”

“Sounds like the typical drama that always happens during college years,” Alexandria offered, shrugging as if dismissing the topic. “You wouldn't believe the types of drama I hear in passing when I'm on campus.”

“Actually, we probably would,” Lexa argued, “since we've both spent our fair share of time on campus.”

“I've spent many more years than either of you two have,” the older woman reasoned. “By the time you graduate with your bachelor's, you'll still only have about a fourth of the total time that I spent on campus, and that's both of your years combined.”

Lexa quieted again. Every time something about the future came up, she couldn't help but remember the New York thing. She knew that Clarke was thinking the same thing, because she immediately went to change the topic.

It was nice that Clarke was giving her the space and time to think about it without mentioning it at all, but Lexa couldn't help but wish that the whole thought would just go away for a while.

* * *

Lexa peered down at the paper in front of her. She was laying backwards across the bed, and Clarke was in the bathroom getting ready for their date that night. Lexa was staying true to her promise and taking the blonde out that night, but right now her thoughts were on whether or not she should call her dad. “Do you think I should?”

“Lexa, it's your decision.”

“Obviously, but I'm asking you what you think,” Lexa said, frowning and glancing over at the bathroom. She could only see Clarke's reflection in the mirror from where she was, and the blonde's lips were turned downward as well.

“If you ask me, I think he's an asshole for randomly popping up and expecting you to want to talk to him. I also think he's an asshole for leaving in the first place. Mostly, I just think he's an asshole because I've heard you talk about him multiple times and wonder about him and if he hadn't been such an asshole, you wouldn't have to wonder,” Clarke admitted, making eye contact with her through the mirror. “But, on the other side of things, the fact that you have wondered about him so much makes me think that you want to meet him. And if you want to, you should.”

“What if he just lets me down even more?”

Clarke gave her a sad smile. “I don't know, babe. You have to decide if it's worth risking that.”

Lexa's expression fell and she looked back down at the paper in front of her. “I'm gonna do it.”

“Okay.”

“So I have to call him.”

“You could text him.”

Lexa looked thoughtfully at her phone. “I'm gonna call him. That way if he doesn't pick up, I can just chicken out. If I text him, he could see it now or later and I wouldn't know the difference unless he replies, and that's more scary.” She opened up a new contact field in her phone and filled it out with her father's full name and number, and then clicked the call button. Her hand was shaking slightly as she put the phone up to her ear.

It rang two times before it clicked, and a man's voice asked her, “Hello?”

“Hi, is this Anthony?” she asked, her heart pounding in her chest.

“Yes, and this is?”

“Lexa.”

She heard Anthony take in a deep breath, and then he said, “Hello, Lexa. I wasn't sure if I'd hear from you.”

“My mom said that you wanted to meet up tomorrow for lunch,” Lexa stated, not bothering to explain why it was that she had decided that he would hear from her. She really had no specific reason anyway.

“Yes,” he agreed quickly, “I thought maybe we could go to The Bean tomorrow around lunch and sit there and talk for a while.”

Lexa's eyes widened a little. Clarke had work tomorrow at The Bean, and she had a feeling that it would be a bit too weird if she was there with her dad at the same time. “Could we do it somewhere else? There's a sandwich place down the road from there.” She noticed Clarke glancing at her, as if realizing what place she'd just vetoed, but kept her eyes trained at the paper in front of her.

“Sure, that works. What time is good for you?”

“Noon?”

“That sounds perfect. I'll meet you there?”

“Mmhmm, yeah.”

“And Lexa,” her father continued, coughing awkwardly, “thanks for calling. I really appreciate it.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

“Did you want to talk for a little while, or just wait until tomorrow?”

Lexa was caught off guard by the question, because she had definitely not been planning on speaking to her father for any longer than necessary on the phone. “Oh, I thought we'd wait until tomorrow. I have a date tonight.” She glanced up and made eye contact with Clarke in the mirror again, and felt a smile come to her face easily.

“Oh, of course, my bad. Have a good night then, I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye.” The line ended, and Lexa dropped her phone on the mattress and got up off of the bed. “What do you think my dad will think when he finds out that I'm dating a woman?”

“I don't know. Hopefully he won't have a meltdown or something.”

“Well, I guess he wouldn't be able to get too mad,” Lexa reasoned, walking into the bathroom and leaning against the frame, keeping her steady gaze on her girlfriend.

“Why's that?”

Lexa gave her girlfriend a cheeky smile. “I mean, at least I'm dating the best woman I could probably ever get.”

Despite the blush that rose to her cheeks, Clarke smirked and rolled her eyes. “Please, Lexa, you could probably get anyone you ever wanted.”

“Who said I would want anyone but you?” She batted her eyelashes at the blonde, who was seemingly done getting ready now and turned to face Lexa.

“Aw, how sappy,” she cooed teasingly, grinning widely as Lexa scoffed.

“I'm not sappy.”

“Mm. Well, you seem to be in a much better mood,” Clarke commented, wrapping her arms around Lexa's waist and pulling their fronts together.

Lexa smiled. “Thank you for coming with me to lunch today. My mom and I probably would've sat there silently for an hour if you weren't there.”

“Of course,” Clarke insisted, brushing it off and tilting her head. “I'd do anything for you, you know?” Lexa's smile spread into a full faced grin.

“Now who's the sappy one?”

Clarke made a small, indignant noise, and Lexa chuckled. “Are we gonna go, or just stand here forever?” she asked softly.

“Yeah, yeah.”

They left the apartment and Lexa drove them to one of the Polis restaurants that they frequented. It was one of their favorites, and since Lexa and Clarke both had things that they needed a distraction from, it seemed like the obvious choice for a dinner out.

It ended up being even nicer that they were just able to talk about things other than the topics that had been weighing them down. Clarke's mom, Lexa's dad, and New York were all things that did not come up, and their night was light and happy due to it.

When they got back to the apartment, Clarke went straight into the kitchen. “Should we have wine or beer?” Lexa bit down on her lip, following her girlfriend into the room. Clarke turned around with an expectant look on her face, only to find Lexa suddenly pinning her against the counter. Their lips met instantly, and Lexa realized that it had been four days since they'd had sex. That was usually the longest they ever went without sex, because if there was one thing that Clarke had taught Lexa, it was that it was okay to accept that she was a sexual being. “Mm, or we could just do that,” Clarke murmured into her lips.

Lexa hummed in agreement, and was suddenly being pushed backwards. Clarke turned them slightly, and Lexa ended up against a wall, moaning as Clarke's hands splayed across her midsection. Clarke's lips pulled away from Lexa's, much to the latter's disappointment, but were immediately pressing into her neck and her collarbone, and Clarke was tugging impatiently at Lexa's shirt.

Lexa gently pushed Clarke off of her, and they both tore their shirts of simultaneously, followed by unhooking their bras and letting them fall away uselessly. As Clarke's breasts pressed against hers, Lexa let out a needy moan. Clarke's hands were feeling up and down her sides, across her front and occasionally teasing at her boobs, but finally her left hand pushed into Lexa's pants. She pressed on the outside of the underwear waiting there, and Lexa groaned, her hips reacting against her will.

“Clarke,” she pleaded desperately, and Clarke gave in, sliding her hand under Lexa's underwear and cupping her center. Her fingers slid teasingly around her opening and clit, not going near enough to either. “Fuck, Clarke!”

“Mm, noisy,” Clarke teased. She usually did that, but Lexa hardly cared – she never cared. It was true, she was noisy, and she was fucking proud of it.

“Just, please,” Lexa whined, but before she could finish the second word, Clarke fulfilled her wish and her words dissolved into an abrupt gasp. “Fuck yes...” She squirmed, her entire weight resting against the wall as Clarke drove her up and up.

“Come for me,” Clarke murmured hotly against her skin, and Lexa whimpered, her body arching away from the wall only to be secured in place by Clarke. She felt herself tightening around her girlfriend's fingers, and then she let out a loud shout as she came.

“Fuck,” she breathed out as her chest rose and fell quickly. Clarke placed gently kisses along Lexa's neck and then up to her lips. Lexa sighed contently against them. “I fucking love you.”

“I love you, too,” Clarke murmured, grinning as she gently pulled her hand out from Lexa's underwear. She leaned back a little, smiling softly at the brunette as she raised her fingers to her lips and sucked them one by one. Lexa moaned, her eyes darkening even more so than before. When Clarke dropped her hand away from her mouth, she smirked. “What's that look?”

“You know what it is,” Lexa murmured, before joining their lips together again and pushing her backwards, directing them as best as she could to their bedroom. This was what they really needed, the best distraction from reality.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters will finally get longer after this -.- I thought they got longer starting with this chapter, but apparently I was wrong lol. Anyway. Thanks for your guys' comments/kudos. I love you all so much <3 Remember that you can follow me on Twitter @BrittzandTana , and if you tweet me that you read this, I will follow you back. Love you all, have a lovely day/night. x


	6. Hey Kiddo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa meets with her father and finds out some interesting things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey beautifuls! Forgot to say yesterday - this will be the new update time for week days... this weekend updates will probably be a bit earlier. It's unclear as to whether or not updates will stay daily next week, but they will be daily up through this weekend at least :D It pays to write ahead haha. Today was the first day of my internship. I was so nervous this morning that I thought I'd be sick, but it got a bit easier. I'm still not so psyched about it, though, eh. It's an new situation for me, and I wish it would hurry up and be over XD Haha but 1/10 of the way done!!
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

“I'm terrified,” Lexa said to Clarke, accepting the cup of coffee from the blonde and nearly downing the whole thing in a few gulps. When she lowered the cup, wide blue eyes were staring at her with concern. “What? I'm about to interact with my dad for the first time ever.”

“Second time.”

“That doesn't count,” Lexa huffed out, looking down at her cup. “What if he hates me?”

“Then it's his fucking loss,” Clarke snapped, drawing Lexa's gaze back up, “because he already missed out on one shot to have you in his life. You're incredible, and he's seriously blind if he can't see that.”

Lexa's cheeks tinged pink. “Thanks.”

“You should probably go, you're gonna be like five minutes late now,” Clarke teased, giving her a soft smile of encouragement. Lexa nodded.

“Better than being early. I don't want to seem overeager.”

Clarke looked amused. “Oh, of course not.”

“Hey, I'm serious,” Lexa said, doing her best to glare at the blonde, who just gave her a wide smile. “Okay, I'm going. Love you, I'll come back over here once it's over.”

“Alright, text me if plans change or anything. I'll be here all afternoon anyway.”

Lexa nodded, leaning over the counter and placing a soft kiss on Clarke's lips before turning and leaving The Bean. She finished her coffee during the short walk over to the sandwich place that she'd texted the address of to Anthony earlier, and trashed the cup in one of the garbage cans she passed. When she got to the little cafe, she peeked through the window and saw him sitting down at a table, doing something on his phone as he waited.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the door and started over to where he was sitting. He looked up at the sound of the door and smiled as soon as he saw her. Standing, he extended a hand. “Lexa. It's so good to see you.”

“Hi,” she returned meekly, taking his hand and shaking it. “Have you ordered?”

“I actually had a late breakfast,” he admitted, frowning. “I guess I kind of forgot that lunch meant food. If you wanted to get something, go on ahead. I'll pay for it.”

“No, I'm not... I'm not really hungry,” Lexa lied. There was no way that she would be eating while he just sat there. “Thank you, though.” She sat down across from him and sized him up for a moment. “My mom said that you live in New Jersey.”

Anthony nodded. “Yeah, that's where I moved to when I left here. It was a big change, having grown up in such a small town. This place isn't so small anymore, though. It's gotten much bigger. Seems like a nicer place to live than when I lived here.”

“People are saying it'll be officially a city in the next few years,” Lexa commented, and for a split second she wondered if she'd still be in Virginia when that happened. Anthony chuckled, nodding.

“So I've heard. Anyway, you go to Polis U, don't you?”

“Yeah, I'm starting my second semester of my sophomore year,” she answered, nodding stiffly. “I'm majoring in psychology.”

“Oh, that's so cool,” Anthony said, smiling. “I used to wonder what kind of things you'd pursue in life. With your mother being who she is, I always figured it would be something sophisticated like that.”

Lexa tilted her head a little, but decided not to comment on the statement. “I went in as an undecided major, but I figured it out pretty quickly. It's a really interesting practice.”

“Your mom pays for your college?”

“Well, I got a half ride,” Lexa admitted, “so I just had to live on campus for three semesters, and they paid for the first four semesters in full. Not the last two years, though, I'll have to come up with the money for that. I'm sure my mom will help, but I have a job and well, help.”

Her father nodded, not prying further into the money situation. “It's so cool to see how you turned out to be. I didn't even know whether you were a boy or a girl when I left. And I know that you're probably mad at me for that – I know that your mother is still pissed at me. Frankly, I can't do anything but say that I was young and stupid, and terrified of being a parent. If I could've been the father you deserve, I would've been.”

Lexa stared at him blankly for a moment, and then decided that she would just nod. She couldn't rightly accept his apology or excuse what he'd done, but she wouldn't call him out on it when he was the one who drew the attention to it anyway. Like her mother had said, it wasn't like she had to forgive him for that. She was just here to learn about him, and to allow him to learn about her, she supposed. Maybe they both deserved that much.

“So, you got any hobbies?”

Lexa blinked. She wasn't sure of the last time that anyone had asked her that, and she had no idea how to answer it. Her hobbies? Well, she hung out with friends, drank alcohol, watched her girlfriend paint, and well, yeah. “Not really,” she admitted lamely. “I've mostly been focusing on school and my friends. I don't really have time for hobbies.”

“Ah, I see,” Anthony said, nodding along. “You have a lot of friends?”

“Yes. I've known my best friend Anya practically since we were born. I'm just a few months older than her, and we've gone to school together forever. And then there's my friend Luna who I've known since high school. There are a lot more, but they're my best friends,” Lexa summarized, wondering if he really cared to know specifics.

“Do you live with her? Anya, I mean. I know you don't live on campus anymore, you said that the school only required you to live for three semesters, and your expression didn't seem to think it was all so pleasant.”

Lexa took in a breath, supposing that now was as good a moment as any to bring it up. “No, actually. I live with um, Clarke, my girlfriend.” Anthony blinked, clearly surprised, but he didn't even frown, just looked at her for a moment.

“Oh, interesting. How long have you and she been together?”

“Two and a half years,” Lexa breathed out. Every time she said that number aloud, it gave her goosebumps. When she'd started dating Clarke, she definitely hadn't foreseen a near ending, but at the time, she hadn't been thinking two years ahead at all. “We started dating when I started my senior year of high school.”

“Is she also in college right now?” Anthony's smile was supportive and kind, and Lexa felt herself relax incredibly.

“No, she's actually graduated. She got her associate's degree while I was in my senior year,” Lexa admitted. “She's twenty-three.”

Anthony looked puzzled all of the sudden. “Oh, you started dating her before you were eighteen?”

“Yes.”

“And that wasn't weird at all?”

“I mean, we didn't do anything technically illegal. It wasn't weird for _us_. Other people thought it was weird, but I was almost eighteen when we started dating, so that didn't last all so long. It doesn't ever really _feel_ like she's older than me now,” Lexa tried to explain, though she frowned afterward, thinking that her explanation was probably very juvenile sounding.

However, her father was nodding, a smile peeking at his lips as well. “Well, you know the older you get, the less an age gap like three or four years really feels like an age gap. As soon as you're twenty-one, there will hardly even be a difference. What does Clarke do?”

Lexa scanned Anthony's face carefully. He seemed genuine enough, and he hadn't started criticizing her for anything, which was definitely a good thing. “Well, she actually works at The Bean, and she's working right now, which is why I suggested that we come here instead. But she's an also an artist, and she sells a lot of her stuff online.”

“Really? You'll have to send me a link to see her things. My wife loves art.”

Lexa froze for a moment, staring at her father. She wasn't sure why it surprised her that he was married, it really shouldn't have surprised her at all. It had been twenty years since he'd gotten her mom pregnant, after all. “Yeah, sure,” she offered weakly, feeling very small again all of the sudden. She felt overly exposed, having just divulged what felt like a lot about herself to this man and received no information in return. “What's New Jersey like?”

He seemed surprised by the question, not realizing her discomfort at the mention of his wife apparently. “It's a fast paced place to live, there's always something to do. Not like this town. I live near the shore, which is my favorite part.” Lexa nodded slowly. “Do you ever consider leaving Polis?”

“Yeah,” she muttered quietly in response, “but I'm really not sure about all that. The future seems kind of foggy to me right now. I don't really wanna talk about it.”

“Of course, yeah we don't have to talk about anything that you're not comfortable discussing. I'm sorry if I've mentioned anything else that made you uncomfortable. That's not my intention at all,” he promised, shaking his head a little. “What would you like to talk about? Any questions for me?”

“No,” she admitted. Really, she did have a lot of questions, but now didn't feel like the right time to ask them. She wanted to ask things about his life, but something told her that hearing their answers would just depress her, and that wasn't what she wanted out of this meeting. Though, there were certainly some things that wouldn't be able to depress her if she knew. “Ah, I guess you asked me about my hobbies. What are yours?”

Anthony smiled widely. “I'm really into music. Me and a couple of my friends tried to start a band about ten years ago, but it went down in flames – literally. The place we were using as our practice space went up in flames after an unfortunate accident with a stove and just... yeah, not the greatest.” Lexa smiled at the story. “Other than that, there's not much. I work a lot, so that takes up a lot of my time. You said you have a job, right? What do you do that doesn't take up all your school time?”

“Oh, I work part time at a psychologist's office,” Lexa explained, shrugging. “It's a decent pay, which is nice because I don't have a lot of time to work there. But since I live with my girlfriend, money isn't the biggest issue for me. I mean, I do pay for part of it, but she's been paying for it herself for years.”

“Do I get to meet her sometime? It seems like she's really important to you.”

Lexa smiled a little. “She is really important to me. I'm sure that you can meet her sometime. How long are you planning on being in town anyway?”

“I'm not exactly sure,” he admitted, frowning. “At least another week or so. It's kind of crazy being back here, though. It brings back a lot of memories. I was only twenty-two when I moved away from here, so I feel like a kid being back.” That meant that he was forty-two now, or forty-three really. Lexa's mom was forty-six. She couldn't help but be amused by that, and wondered if the reason that she hadn't really minded Clarke and Lexa's age gap was that she and Anthony had also had an age gap of almost the same amount of time.

“Yeah, well like you said, it's a lot different now. Bigger.” Lexa's phone suddenly beeped from her pocket, surprising her and causing her to jump a little. Anthony chuckled at the reaction, and Lexa realized that most of the people she knew were used to her jumping at things like that. Slightly embarrassed, she grabbed her phone and realized that it was Anya. Yeah, leave it to her to forget to tell her best friend that she was going to have to cancel their plans.

**From Anya – I NEED DATE TALK TIME BUT YOU AREN'T BUZZING ME IN??**

**To Anya – I'm not at the apt. Something came up, so sorry!! Will call you tonight and explain, I promise!!**

**From Anya – Fine :(**

“Sorry, that was my friend Anya,” Lexa apologized, setting her phone down on the table and looking back to her father.

“I hope I'm not interrupting anything.”

Lexa shook her head. “No, it's all good. She went on a first date last night, so she's excited.”

“Ah, and I guess last night you were out with Clarke, right?” Lexa nodded. “That's nice. It's always fun to go out on dates early in the relationship, but I always find that if you still like just sitting in the person's company on a date years later, that means it's worth your while. Clarke must be a keeper.”

The brunette blushed a little. “Yeah, she is.”

“So, I'm really sorry for freaking you out on Thursday. Your mom didn't think that you would come by at, coincidentally, the same time I was over there. And I wouldn't have been the one to answer if I'd realized who you were. Frankly, I thought you'd look a little more like me, but I shouldn't have been surprised that you're Alexandria's daughter. You're a spitting image of her... mostly.”

“Yeah, I used to wonder if I even had a dad, because every part of me seemed to have come from my mom,” Lexa admitted shyly.

“Your eyes are greener than your mom's,” he told her, nodding surely. “I guess having two parents with green eyes might be the reason for that. And you're taller than your mom, aren't you?”

“We're actually the same height.”

He nodded slowly. “I guess I don't pay much attention to that. You do look just like your mom, though. Especially the hair. You definitely didn't get that from me.” Lexa glanced at his thin, light colored hair. Yeah, she definitely had her mother's hair. “I guess I always pictured that you'd look at least a little like me. Either way, you clearly turned out to be a beautiful, smart young lady. You should be proud of yourself.”

“Thank you,” Lexa said, smiling. Anthony picked up his phone and glanced at the time, and just as he did, his phone lit up with a phone call.

“Oh, damn it,” he muttered. He glanced back up at Lexa. “I'd love to keep talking, but it's my son calling, and I promised him that I'd answer when he called.”

Lexa stared at him blankly for a few seconds, before slowly nodding. “Y-yeah, that's fine. It's was nice talking to you.”

“You too,” he said, standing as she did as well. They shook hands again and he finished with, “I'm glad you decided to come and catch up with me a bit. I'd love to do it again, and maybe meet this Clarke of yours?” Lexa smiled weakly, nodding. “Great. Have a good day.” He answered the phone as he started out of the cafe, and all Lexa heard of the beginning of his phone call with his son was, “Hey, kiddo!”

His son.

His... _son_. As in his _child._

Lexa's _half brother_. “What the fuck?” she heard herself mutter. She stood there for a good twenty seconds, absorbing this new information, before swallowing thickly and grabbing her phone. She left the building quickly, and was glad to see that Anthony was nowhere in sight. Taking in a deep breath, she turned and started back to her car.

She drove home, sucked deep in her thoughts, and ended up sprawled across the bed, frozen in place.

It occurred to her that Clarke probably expected her to come by The Bean again, so she picked up her phone and quickly sent a text.

**To Clarke – Finished talking to my dad. Wanna talk to you about it when you get off, but I felt like going home right after.**

She got a reply almost immediately.

**From Clarke – Okay, no problem. Is everything alright?**

**To Clarke – Yeah, it wasn't all that bad. But the end of the convo left me kinda shaken. Don't worry about it, nothing's wrong. I'll talk to you about it when you're home. I love you.**

**From Clarke – Okay. Love you too. X**

Sighing, Lexa left the messages app and went to her phone app instead, going to the top of her contact list and clicking Anya's name. Her best friend picked up after two rings. “Lexa! Now you have time for me? I just got back to the dorm, Luna's still not fucking here. I swear, if she went out and died somewhere, I'm gonna kill her.”

“I met my dad.”

The other end of the line was silent for a moment. “Wait, what? Your dad? As in the source of the other half of your genetics who abandoned you before you'd even seen the world outside of your mom's uterus?”

“Yes, but you don't have to say it so graphically,” Lexa muttered, making a disgusted face. “I met him on Thursday, technically, but I sat down with him for lunch today and we talked. It was weird.”

“Well... is he a deadbeat?”

“I don't think so,” Lexa admitted. “He seems like a pretty good guy. Seems to care a lot. Asked me a lot of questions about me, he wasn't at all judgmental or mad when he found out that I'm dating a girl. He even cared to ask about Clarke. I was pretty impressed actually. And he didn't want to make me uncomfortable either. We didn't talk very much about him, because I was sure that if he started talking about his life, I'd probably get all angry or depressed. You know?”

“So how come you sound depressed anyway?”

“He's married,” Lexa blurted again, squeezing her eyes shut. “And... we ended our conversation because he said he got a phone call _from his son_.”

“Wait, what? He has another kid?”

Lexa swallowed thickly. “I didn't think that something like that would bother me, but what the fuck? If he has another kid, don't you think he would've looked down at the little baby and thought 'oh yeah, I have another kid out there somewhere, maybe I should go reconnect with her'?”

“Maybe he knew that he would just unnecessarily shake up your life?”

“He's my _father_! It just... it feels unfair that he completely abandoned me, and now he's married and has a son who he gets along with, and who makes him promise to answer his calls, and who he calls _kiddo_ ,” Lexa muttered, glaring up at her ceiling. “I feel like I've been treated unfairly.”

“It's not the kid's fault,” Anya insisted, “so don't get all pissy.”

“I'm not trying to be.” Lexa let out a long sigh. “I'm just... I don't know what to think of all of this. It's happening so abruptly. _Ugh_. Anyway. How was your date with your dreamy, smart, hot legal class partner?”

Lexa let herself be absorbed into Anya's gushing and ranting over the date she'd had the previous night, about how chivalrous this guy Luke was. It was a nice distraction from everything else, but she was tempted to tune it all out and take a nap. Obviously, she didn't let herself succumb to that, but when Anya was finally finished and Lexa had provided the necessary responses and encouragement, as well as an assurance that she would make sure that Luna was not in fact dead, Lexa admitted that she was tired and ended the call. Tired from her brain working so much, she curled up in the blankets that smelled like Clarke – and herself, though she never noticed that – and fell asleep.

She was awoken probably two hours later by a bunch of soft kisses being placed across her face. “Lexa,” she heard Clarke murmur, “I have food, Lexa, wake up.” Lexa groaned, rolling over onto her back and letting her eyes flicker open. Clarke was sitting on the edge of the bed with a paper bag from Chipotle. “C'mon, Lexa, I got burritos.”

Lexa rubbed her eyes tiredly. “Mm, is it morning?”

“No, babe, I just got off work. I texted to ask what you wanted to eat, but you didn't answer so I just went with Chipotle,” Clarke answered, pulling a wrapped up burrito out of the bag and offering it to Lexa, who sat up despite her tiredness and took the food gratefully. “I figured that you hadn't eaten since lunch, so.”

“I didn't eat lunch,” Lexa admitted. “Anthony wasn't eating, and there was no way I was going to eat if he wasn't.”

Clarke frowned. “You haven't eaten in like ten hours?” Lexa shrugged, and the blonde sighed. “How was talking to him?”

“It went really well. He asked a lot about me, and I answered. I told him about you, and he was supportive. He said he wants to meet you sometime, and told me that you must be a keeper.”

Clarke smiled cheekily. “Maybe he's less of an idiot than I thought then.” Lexa chuckled, but then her expression fell a little. “What? Did something happen?”

“He's married, and he has a son,” Lexa said, taking a bite of her burrito and then lowering it to her lap, chewing silently.

“Oh. How old is his son?”

Lexa shrugged. “I don't know, didn't ask. Lunch ended when he got a phone call, said it was his son and then rushed out of the place to answer. So clearly he does have the capability of caring about kids – I guess it's just selective.”

“Lexa,” Clarke cooed softly, settling in against the pillows and facing the brunette directly, “this kid is probably like half your age, but either way, he's definitely younger than you. Your dad was probably way more mature by the time he had his son compared to when your mom got pregnant with you. And I'm not trying to excuse what he did, because I still hate him for leaving you, but maybe he didn't want to end up leaving behind two kids. And you never know, maybe he wanted to reach out to you and just didn't want to invade your life. Maybe he picked now because he knew you'd be old enough to process him coming into your life.”

Lexa took in a deep breath. “You're probably right.”

“Duh, my extra three years of life give me extensive knowledge in all topics,” Clarke teased, moving her hand to brush some hair out of Lexa's face. The brunette couldn't help but smile a little as she looked up at the blonde.

“Thanks, Clarke. I don't know what I'd do in all this mess without you.”

Clarke winked at her, and then glanced down at the food in her lap. “Firstly, you'd probably starve. So finish eating your damn burrito.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> +10 points if you caught the name reusing from Stay With Me (Luke)  
> +10 points if you remember that Luke was Harper's boyfriend in SWM!  
> +10 points if you guessed that Lexa would have a half sibling from her dad's side!!  
> +10 points if you like Chipotle! (I don't, bleh)  
> TELL ME HOW MANY POINTS YOU GOT! :D x  
> The next few chapters should be pretty interesting! :D I hope you guys are excited! (PS - don't get mad at Clarke/Anya for "defending" Lexa's dad... I think they were mainly just trying to tell Lexa that she was possibly better off without him anyway) Thanks for all your comments on the last one, I haven't gotten the chance to answer them because I am so so tired from my internship today and I just feel like curling up in bed and reading fanfic until I go to bed in a few hours lol. :D  
> I love you all, thank you for supporting this story, it means so much to me! Have a lovely day/night!! (+5 points if you read to the end of this)


	7. Even If I Did...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's mom is beginning to become a bit more of a hassle, Octavia makes an assumption that forces Lexa to think seriously about moving to New York City, and Luna has a heart to heart with Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves! Thank you all for the good luck wishes about my internship :) Days one and two have been pretty decent. Idk if any of you are familiar with using Linux systems... but I wasn't until yesterday morning, and now I feel like I'm pretty well versed xD 8 more days to go! :D  
> I have to talk briefly about my upcoming update schedule, but I'll do that in the bottom note!!  
> Remember that you can follow me on Twitter @BrittzandTana as well as Periscope, also @BrittzandTana ... I'm not sure when exactly I'll do another Periscope, maybe this weekend if some of you are interested in joining? By then we'll be almost up to chapter 13 of this fic I think, so we'll have plenty to talk about! :D 
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

The beginning of the following week felt strangely unreal. With the stress of the past few days, it felt weird for Lexa to wake up as normal and just go to class. It almost felt like maybe the weekend hadn't happened at all – her dad wasn't back in town, she didn't have a half brother somewhere in New Jersey, and everything was normal. It helped that Lexa's favorite psych classes were on Monday and Tuesday, so she felt sufficiently distracted.

Clarke didn't bring up Anthony unless Lexa did, and the brunette didn't at all after Sunday night, and Anya quickly caught on to the fact that Lexa didn't want to talk about him. She wasn't sure when she'd see him again, if she did, and she didn't want to linger on it. Tuesday night was a typical week night for Clarke and Lexa as well, where Lexa took over the whole bed to do homework and Clarke came home from work with food. Except while Lexa was in the middle of taking a break to eat with her girlfriend, the blonde's phone went off with a phone call from her mom.

Clarke didn't pick up the call the first time, insisting that she would email her mom back to keep her from calling again, but Abby called three more times in a span of five minutes, so Clarke finally did.

“What?”

“That's no way to talk to your mother, Clarke.”

“I haven't spoken to you in years, mom, what do you want?”

She heard her mother scoff on the other end of the line. “You haven't been answering my emails, but you've been gladly taking the money I've been sending you.”

“I figured that me ignoring you would get the point across that I'm not planning on switching careers for you, and that you can stop sending your fucking money whenever you want,” Clarke snapped angrily.

Abby exhaled in exasperation. “Clarke, being an artist isn't practical. I know that there are jobs for you there that aren't art related, and if not, there are jobs up in DC. You could handle moving an hour north, Clarke, it's not like you're in school in Polis anymore. What's there for you anyway? Your father?”

“You know very well that I don't talk to dad anymore,” Clarke stated, “just like I don't talk to you. And as such, where I live doesn't have any influence from either of you. I won't move to DC, and I won't switch jobs. Goodbye, mother.”

Lexa had sat through the conversation unspeaking, a frown stuck on her face. She understood Clarke's anger at her parents – they'd basically abandoned her emotionally and mentally, letting her flunk her senior year and then have to graduate late. They'd caused her life to spiral out of control for a year and a half, and Lexa knew that that had to have been no easy time. Clarke didn't talk about it very much, aside from make references to it every now and then as a joke. She always thought that maybe Clarke _should_ talk about it, but Lexa would never make her.

They didn't talk about the conversation after it ended, just like they didn't talk about Lexa's dad and his family in Jersey. Just like they didn't talk about the New York idea.

In fact, Lexa nearly forgot about the New York idea by the time Wednesday came around. She had early classes on Wednesdays – her basic calculus and literature classes were both that day – and she usually went straight home afterward to knock out as much homework as possible. However, she was far too tired out after class and grabbing lunch at the cafe on campus to do homework, so she found herself driving over to the warehouse instead.

Clarke wouldn't be there yet, she knew, but that never stopped her from going over there. It felt like it was her place as much as any of their friends' by now, even though she didn't have a room to herself. She generally spent most of her time in Clarke's art room, but she'd spent a good amount of time using Bellamy's TV or laying across Octavia's couch and napping.

Right now, she intended to occupy whatever room was the emptiest and comfiest, and as she walked into the building, she immediately saw that Bellamy was not in his room. Smiling to herself, she turned into the room to take over the couch and TV.

“Hey, Lexa!” Octavia called from across the entrance excitedly. “Come here for a sec!”

Lexa dropped her book bag on the couch in Bellamy's room and then crossed over to Octavia's. She wondered why there still weren't doors on every opening – it had been an idea that Octavia had had over two years earlier that had never been implemented. It generally didn't bother Lexa, though. Clarke's studio had a door, and that was really all that she cared about. “What's up?”

“Okay, check out this apartment,” Octavia said, nodding toward the computer screen in front of her as she scrolled through images of an apartment. “It's a two bedroom, one bathroom, but it's a decent size for it's price, especially considering that it's in New York. It would be perfect, though, because it has an art studio.”

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows. “Why do you need an art studio?”

“It's not for me, silly, it'd be for you and Clarke,” Octavia said, flashing the younger girl a funny look. “Duh.”

“Wait, what?”

“In New York,” Octavia clarified unnecessarily, as Lexa frowned deeply.

“Did Clarke tell you that I agreed to go?”

Octavia's mouth opened into an O shape. “Oh, no she didn't say anything about it. I mean, she said that she mentioned it to you but that stuff was going on with your dad so she didn't want to bring it up again... I was just... I figured that since the conversation is up in the air...”

Lexa clenched her jaw, turning back around and heading over to Bellamy's couch again.

“Hey wait, Lexa!” Octavia called, jumping up and following her. “Hold on, I'm sorry, I didn't meant to assume anything. But why _wouldn't_ you want to live in New York City?”

“Maybe because I'm still in college here?”

“You could transfer,” Octavia insisted, seating herself next to Lexa just after she herself sat down. “You're just finishing basics this year anyway, so it's the _perfect_ time to transfer. And NYU would take you in a heartbeat, you literally have had a 4.0 GPA through all of high school and college so far. New York is so much cooler than this place. You'd have way more opportunities.”

“It's not just school,” Lexa argued quickly, “it's also the fact that my mom lives here, and so do my best friends!”

“Look, I don't know about Luna, but Anya's going to have to move in a few years anyway if she wants to go into law school. The north east is literally so fucking full of schools that she could go to for that, so she'd probably come up near New York within the next two years anyway. Luna... well, she could go wherever she wants for the job she wants. And I'm not going to lie, most all of us are seriously considering going to New York at the end of the semester. Raven already started on her transfer application, and Monty is starting soon too,” Octavia explained lengthily. “I know that Clarke would never leave here without you, Lexa, but I don't just think that this is a good idea for Clarke. I think that you could both be _so_ happy there. It would be all of us taking on the Big Apple. Clarke could find a gallery to display her art there – have you seen any galleries here in Polis lately? You could easily get a job when you finish college, and even if NYU or somewhere is more expensive than Polis, you probably would be just fine paying for it for two years, and we'd all help you if you needed it.”

Lexa took in a deep breath. “Octavia, I'm thinking about it, okay? It's just a really big question, and there's a lot of shit going down. My father just showed up in town, and I found out three days ago that I it turns out that I have a younger half brother living in New Jersey. And I haven't mentioned anything about New York to Anya or Luna or even my mom. I can't make a decision _right now_.”

Octavia was already nodding. “I completely understand, Lexa. I'm just saying that you should really consider it.” Lexa nodded in response, and Octavia gave her a small smile. “Okay, I better start some of my homework.”

* * *

“You did  _what_ ?”

Clarke's eyes were wide as she listened to Octavia's voice through the phone. “I didn't know that it was that sensitive of a topic!” Octavia exclaimed, though her voice was hushed, and Clarke thought that maybe she was in the bathroom of the warehouse if Lexa was still around. “I just wanted to let you know in case she's upset or something later. It's totally my fault.”

“Well... what did you say to her about it?” Clarke asked, leaning against the counter in The Bean. Business was slow today, but it wasn't bothering the blonde to have some time to be on the phone, especially right now.

“I told her about how great the opportunities would be for both of you. I told her that we could all help her make up the difference in expense for NYU, which I'm sure that we could all manage to do if we tried. I mean, she and her mom already had something worked out for her last four semesters at Polis, right? Also I mentioned how Anya's probably going to end up going up there somewhere when she goes to law school, and how Luna could go wherever the fuck she wants. Plus, isn't Luna getting her associate's at the end of the semester? I basically just did a run down of everything that makes it _not_ a bad idea. I really want you guys to come to NYC with us, C,” Octavia explained. “It would be so much less fun if you didn't go. Bellamy said he'd be all good with going, and even said that he and I could be roommates – although I've gotten Lincoln on the fence about moving there, and I'm thinking I might ask him to finally move in with me when he says yes. I mean, Bellamy and I haven't lived together since high school anyway... but we both think that living together would be a much better idea for New York. If I do get Lincoln on board, Bell was saying that he might try to get a place with Jasper and Monty. And Jasper talked to Finn, and he said that he might even be interested in going. Though, he sounded a lot more on the fence than even Lexa. I can't say I'm really surprised, though. Finn seems like way too much for a small town kind of guy.”

“Octavia,” Clarke interrupted carefully, “you're rambling.”

“Right, sorry. You're working.”

“No it's fine, you should just probably breathe. About Finn, I'm actually not sure I could picture him in New York. It would be awesome if he went, though. It would be awesome if we all just moved up there. Ugh, seriously a dream,” Clarke admitted, made up images of what it might be like flashing through her mind.

“Maybe if you say that to Lexa, she'll decide she wants to go.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows. “You really think that I'd do that? I'm not going to _guilt_ her into going, Octavia. If she doesn't want to go to New York, that's her decision.”

“But then you'd be staying here.”

“Yes, and I'd be with Lexa,” Clarke agreed, shaking her head as she pushed off of the counter and shifted her weight. “Lexa is more important to me than living in New York City. Plus, nothing says that we can't move there when she's done with school. It's not like NYC is something that I've been dreaming about for years. It's a cool idea that came up a week ago, and I feel so bad about springing it on her like that.”

The other girl sighed. “Okay, that's a valid point. I just... I hope that you will both decide to go. We'd all miss you so much otherwise.” Clarke nodded, before remembering that Octavia couldn't see her.

“Yeah, I understand. When Lexa and I decide, you will be the first to know, okay?”

“Okay. Well, I better get back to my homework. You coming around the warehouse later? I mean, I assume so, since Lexa is here.”

“Yes, in about an hour when I get off,” Clarke replied. “I'll see you then, bye O.”

“See ya!”

* * *

“So,” Lexa started, eyeing Luna pointedly, “you're not allergic to dorm rooms after all?”

“What?” Luna asked incredulously.

Lexa refocused her gaze on her laptop in front of her. She was laying on Luna's bed in the dorm room, and Luna was sitting on the floor, claiming that it was just as comfortable as the bed. Sadly, Lexa had to agree. The dorm beds were not the nicest. “Anya hasn't seen you here in a week.”

“I've been back,” Luna insisted, “just... not when she's around. I was staying with my dad. He's been reorganizing the house while my mom's on another business trip. I was helping him, because my mom really doesn't trust him with style.”

“Okay, and that's taken up all the time it would've taken to text Anya back, but not the time to text me back?”

Luna scoffed, clearly not in the mood to get into whatever was going on between her and Anya. “What are you even staring at on there?” Luna leaned forward, and Lexa quickly closed her laptop, giving her friend a defensive look. “I saw that. What are you doing looking at NYU?”

“Nothing. I was curious about their psychology program.”

“What, their graduate program?”

“No, undergraduate.”

Luna raised her eyebrows accusingly, crossing her arms over her chest. “Oh yeah? You just happened to be _curious_ about the psychology program at NYU, in New York City?”

“Yes?”

“No.”

Lexa, slightly flustered, opened her laptop again aggressively. “Okay, fine, it's not random. Octavia is moving to New York.”

“What? Really?”

“Yes, as well as probably Bellamy, Raven, Monty and Jasper,” Lexa continued. “Possibly even Finn, though I'm not sure. And who knows, maybe Clarke.”

“Clarke wouldn't go without you,” Luna stated. It wasn't a question, and Lexa knew as well that it really wasn't a question. “Wait, are you planning on transferring to NYU or something?”

“I'm not sure. Everyone wants me to. That's what Raven and Monty are trying to do. I looked it up, and if I'm going to transfer I need to send in an application soon. I should hear back in the next couple of weeks if I apply by next Monday,” Lexa said quietly.

“You're seriously going to move to New York?”

“Do you think that I shouldn't? I really don't know whether I want to,” Lexa admitted, “but I figure that I might as well send in an application. If I get in and decide I don't want to go, I can just tell them that something came up and I can't transfer after all. I just figure that I should give it a chance, right? If I don't get in, then that's that, I'm not moving anyway. It just seems like... if I don't at least apply, I'm not really considering it. And Clarke wants to move.”

“So? You shouldn't have to just because she wants to.”

Lexa looked to Luna with a pained expression. “You don't understand, Luna. I've always been scared that I might somehow hold Clarke back from what she wants in live. It's never actually happened, so I thought that it just never would, and now this is where it applies. If I don't go, Clarke doesn't go, and she might miss out on incredible opportunities because of it. But I don't want her to go without me, and even if I did, she never would. Do you really think that I shouldn't go, though?”

“No, I wasn't trying to say that,” Luna clarified as she shook her head. “I just want to make sure that if you decide to, you actually want to. I think it would probably be fucking awesome. Maybe then I could move up there sometime in the future. I've always thought that I was just too rooted here to move, but if you lived in NYC, I would totally move up there. How does NYU look?”

“Better than Polis U,” Lexa admitted, thought that wasn't much of a surprise. “All the classes I'll have finished taking by the time I start my third year are on this prerequisite list for the junior year classes. So I guess I'd be set. And their graduate program is actually pretty decent, too, so I could go past bachelor's if I wanted to. The graduate psych program at Polis sucks.”

“Is it a lot more expensive?”

Lexa nodded. “It is. That's the worst part.”

“Well, wasn't your mom going to pay for most of the rest of your college?”

“Yeah, but that was for Polis. I don't expect her to pay for all of it if I up and move to New York City,” Lexa stated obviously, shaking her head. “Ugh, and I don't even want to think about telling Anya that I'm thinking about this. I've literally been best friends with her since we were kids. How do you go to someone you've never been truly apart from and say 'Hey, by the way, I'm moving to New York City'?”

Luna shrugged, but she seemed distracted suddenly. Lexa huffed in annoyance, closing her laptop again and sitting up, looking Luna head on.

“Okay, Luna, what's up? Talk to me.”

“Nothing's up,” Luna lied obviously, glancing away from Lexa.

“C'mon, Luna, I won't tell Anya, or anyone.”

Luna narrowed her eyes, looking back to the other brunette. “Not even Clarke?” Lexa blinked, and then crossed her arms.

“Oh come on, even if I did tell Clarke, it's not like she would tell anyone.”

“Alright, fine,” Luna muttered. She took in a deep breath, and it all came out in one breath, “I think that I might be in love with Anya which is absolutely terrifying and I don't know what to do about it.”

Lexa's jaw dropped for a moment, but she closed it as soon as she realized. “Wait, for real? Like, in _love_? I didn't even know that you swung that way.”

Luna bit nervous on her lower lip. “Yeah, I don't know, I've always just not really cared. I mean, I've kissed girls before and I've... I mean, I have had sex with a girl before. It wasn't bad by any means. And I've kissed Anya before, in junior year of high school.”

“Yeah, I know about that,” Lexa admitted, nodding. Luna didn't look surprised. “You think that you're in love with her?”

“I'm pretty sure that I am, and I would tell her except she's probably as straight as a fucking board, and I don't want her to look at me any differently,” Luna muttered dejectedly. “Plus, she's got that super awesome guy from her legal studies class now.”

“I'm sorry, Lu.”

“Do you think that I should tell her?”

Lexa frowned. “I don't know. I'm definitely not sure if she's interested in girls, but I'm sure that if you told her, she wouldn't see you very differently either way. You guys are best friends.”

“We live in the same fucking room,” Luna hissed, running a hand over her face tiredly. “She would probably ask to get a single dorm and she'd be all awkward around me. I don't want that.”

“Then don't tell her,” Lexa said sadly. “I'm sure you'll be able to get over her eventually.”

Luna groaned, falling backwards and laying on the floor. “This sucks. She hates me now, too, because I haven't talked to her in a week.”

“She doesn't hate you. Just be as honest with her as possible. Tell her that you were working through some stuff and just didn't feel like talking about it or anything,” Lexa suggested. “I've never been in an experience like this... I wish I could offer better advice.”

“It's fine. It's not your fault that the first girl you ever happened to like is the one you're still dating and in love with,” Luna said lightly, though her voice was tinged with sadness. “Ah fuck this, I don't want to be wallowing in my own self pity. I'm going to go out and get some drinks. Wanna come?”

“I would, but it's Thursday. Clarke will be home soon, and we're gonna stay in and binge on Netflix and have pizza,” Lexa answered apologetically. “Maybe this weekend.”

“Sure.”

“You should call Anya, though.” Lexa stood up from the bed, grabbing her laptop and sliding it back into her book bag. “At least let her know that you're okay. I don't think she believes me when I keep telling her that you are.”

Luna nodded weakly. “Sure. Have fun with Clarke, I'll see you later.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you haven't been able to tell, I've been trying to space out all the drama pretty fairly. I don't want this fic to feel like one thing is happening after the other, but more like everything is happening all at once and it's hard to keep up with and omg what are they going to do...  
> You know, that feeling.  
> So that's why you won't hear about some aspects of the story in some chapters, etc etc.  
> On Friday, I'll be gone for my internship from 9am - 5pm, and then from 6pm - sometime late at night, I'll be at a surprise birthday party for my friend. (Woo, like Pristine! ... except without the alcohol and it's just 6 of us ... and she doesn't know about it...). This kind of complicates my updating, because I'm not sure if I'll be going home for my computer in between the two things. I'll do my best to find out ahead of time, and if I won't be going home, I might update very early that morning instead. The alternative, of course, is that I wait until very late at night. So just a fair warning :) ALSO, I am working as hard as I can to write more full chapters before this weekend (and I'll do so this weekend as well) so that I can keep daily updates for you all, but there is a chance that they start spacing out a bit next week.   
> I appreciate you all so much for reading and kudosing and commenting <3 You all mean so much to me!! I LOVE YOU!!! Have a lovely day/night!! xx


	8. How Am I Supposed To?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when you thought the fan was done flinging shit, some more hits it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I just opened my open office document to get this chapter out of it, and when I clicked on the words and the cursor was a single line instead of an insert highlight type cursor, I got so confused. This is what staring at a Linux terminal has done to me. Oh god.  
> This chapter is a very fast paced one, but I have some fluff in store for upcoming chapters.  
> I'm about to go out to dinner, so thought I'd update this first so that you guys don't have to wait another three hours :D  
> Your continued feedback means the world to me <3 Thank you all!
> 
> Enjoy!! xx

Clarke buried her face further into Lexa's neck as she woke up, not wanting to have to get up. “Clarke,” she heard her girlfriend mutter, “it's too hot.”

“No, it's cold,” Clarke whined, cuddling closer to the brunette and keeping her eyes squeezed shut. “I'm not wearing enough clothes.”

“You're not wearing any clothes,” Lexa murmured.

“ _See._ ” Clarke finally let her eyes flutter open, and she was met immediately by a warm, green gaze. “That's why I need to cuddle.”

“No one would ever believe that you're so adorable and needy in the morning,” Lexa teased, smiling at her sleepily. “It's Saturday, remember? You don't have to get up, so you don't have to be so clingy. No one's making you leave bed.”

Clarke grinned, reaching down the bed and grasping the part of the blanket that had fallen off of her. She pulled it up and over her and Lexa, who groaned at the heat it brought. “We should stay in bed all day then.”

“Mm, that sounds like a good idea,” Lexa murmured, leaning down and pressing her lips to Clarke's. The blonde kissed her back fervently, but Lexa was rolling over and getting on top of her within a handful of seconds. If they'd learned anything over the past two years, it was that Clarke was most willing to be topped if it was early in the morning. It helped that she always seemed to wake up cold, and the fastest way to warm her up was morning sex.

“So we can?” Clarke gasped out, as Lexa's lips dragged across her skin and down to her bare chest. “Stay in bed all day?”

“Whatever you want,” Lexa murmured, and Clarke moaned as soft lips closed around her nipple, and she arched upwards.

“Mm, _whatever_ I want?” Clarke smirked a little, but the expression was wiped from her face as a groan ripped out of her throat at the feeling of Lexa's hands grasping her thighs. She knew what was coming, and her center waited expectantly for Lexa's mouth to travel lower.

Lexa chuckled against her skin as she released Clarke's nipple, and then pressed a hot kiss in the valley between her breasts. “Within certain limitations of course.”

“That's no fun,” Clarke muttered, her hips rolling up against Lexa wishfully. Lexa pressed her tongue against the blonde's skin, dragging it down between Clarke's cleavage and then over her abdomen. “Fuck, Lexa!” Lexa's hands forced her thighs apart, and then she settled comfortably between them, having no restraint as she pressed her tongue against her center. “Fuck!” Clarke's heart rate picked up, the muscle pounding forcefully within her chest, and her hands grabbed for anything to hold herself steady as she let Lexa tease her clit. She was finally starting to feel herself reaching her climax when a sudden, loud, buzzing noise began going off. “What the fuck is that?” she demanded, barely even registering the sound in her occupied state.

The sound stopped, but Lexa's motions didn't, and Clarke finally came, shouting loudly just as the buzzing sound started again. She felt Lexa gently licking her clean, and then the brunette pulled her head out from between Clarke's legs, glancing behind her in the direction of the noise. “It's the buzzer.”

“What? It doesn't sound like that,” Clarke panted out, ready to cut a bitch for interrupting her morning already.

“It does when someone's holding down on it,” Lexa muttered, climbing off of the bed. The blanket fell off of the bed in a heap, but Clarke wasn't cold anymore anyway. She laid still on the bed, watching Lexa's bare body walk out of the room and over to the receiver on the wall by the door. “Who is it?”

“Who the fuck are you?” an angry voice demanded, and Clarke furrowed her eyebrows, sitting up and listening intently for the voice to speak again.

“Someone rather annoyed by you smashing our buzzer. Who is this?” Lexa asked again, impatient.

“Abby Griffin.”

Lexa spun around, making eye contact with Clarke through the open door as the blonde's jaw dropped. “Fuck,” Clarke hissed, jumping out of bed despite herself and rushing out of the room. “Get dressed.”

“You're going to _let her up here_?” Lexa demanded, but she was already rushing back into the bedroom.

Clarke hit the talk button again. “Mom?”

“Clarke! Finally! Buzz me in before I call the landlord,” Abby ordered, and Clarke's expression steeled over.

“What the fuck do you think the landlord is going to do to help you get in?”

Abby huffed angrily. “Last I checked, Clarke, this apartment was signed out in _my_ name as well as yours.”

“Yeah, six years ago,” Clarke snapped, “and my landlord and I have since signed a new contract, so why don't you rethink this whole plan of yours before I call the fucking police?”

“I have my ways, Clarke. Buzz me in, _now_.”

Letting go of the talk button, Clarke turned around to see that Lexa was standing in the doorway, fully dressed in pajamas but with her eyes wide. “Approximately how long does it take for someone to get up here from the front door?”

“Thirty seconds?” Lexa offered weakly.

Clarke sighed, hitting the talk button again. “Give me a minute.” She released it again and headed back into the bedroom, walking past Lexa.

“So you're going to let her up here?”

“I'd rather do that than let her burn the fucking building down,” Clarke snapped, before letting out a loud, angry growl of frustration, looking through her closet quickly. “Fuck her! Why is she here?”

“Probably to try and steal you away and bring you to DC,” Lexa said quietly, and Clarke physically relaxed as she realized that the brunette was probably terrified. She turned to face her girlfriend while she was pulling on clothing.

“If you want to stay in here while I talk to her, that's fine.”

Lexa shook her head. “No, I'll be okay.” Clarke pulled on some pajama pants, well aware that she'd forgotten about underwear beforehand. She searched Lexa's expression carefully, and then quietly exhaled. As she started back out to the living room, she stopped to give Lexa a soft kiss on the lips.

“Okay.” She went over to the receiver again and hit the admittance button. She glanced briefly around the apartment, deciding that it was just as clean as usual and that she shouldn't have to worry about it anyway. She took a few steps away from the door and waited patiently for her mother to knock.

She wasn't expecting the pounding that echoed through the apartment when the knock came.

“Shit,” Lexa squeaked in surprise, and Clarke clenched her jaw, reaching forward and opening the door.

“Finally!” Abby Griffin exclaimed, stepping into the apartment without permission and throwing her arms up into the air. “Do you have any idea how cold it is outside? You think you'd try to welcome me a little nicer, especially after I drove an hour this early in the morning to be here!”

“No one asked you do that,” Clarke snapped. “In fact, if you had inquired, I probably would've asked you to stay in _DC_ and away from here.”

“And then what? Let your life fall apart because you don't have the common sense to get a real job?” Abby demanded, pulling black gloves off of her hands and pushing them into her coat pocket. Clarke thought that she looked mostly the same as she had the last time that Clarke had seen her, but she was sure that she herself had changed quite a bit. But would her mom comment on that? Probably not. Abby let out a frustrated breath, and then her gaze finally pulled away from Clarke, landing instead on the younger brunette who was still lingering by the bedroom door. “Who the hell are you?”

“Lexa,” Lexa squeaked nervously, and Clarke felt a protectiveness rise up in her suddenly.

“Well do you mind? I'm trying to speak with my daughter.”

Clarke crossed her arms over her chest. “She lives here, mom, so she won't be leaving. If you want to barge into my apartment to talk to me, you can handle doing so in front of my girlfriend.”

“ _Girl_ friend?” Abby demanded, her jaw dropping and her eyes bulging out of her head. “Oh my god, this has gotten so much worse than I thought. I _knew_ that I should've made your father agree to keep an eye on you. You've spun out of control!”

“Excuse me?”

Abby rolled her eyes, looking over at Lexa again. “Alexa, was it?”

“Don't talk to her,” Clarke snapped, but Abby's gaze stayed focused on the brunette.

“Lexa,” she corrected stiffly.

“Right, Lexa. I'm sorry, but you're no longer required. You may leave now.”

Lexa's jaw dropped, and she took a step further into the living room. “Um, _what_?”

“Don't talk to Lexa, mom,” Clarke growled again, stepping in front of her mother. Abby's dull blue eyes focused in on the blonde now. “Whatever you came here to say, say it and then leave my fucking apartment. You're not wanted here.”

“ _I'm_ not wanted here? You're the one who's become an abomination, because of this girl, whoever she is! You and I need to have a serious discussion, and I'm even going to pull your father into it if I need to. I'm not leaving this town until you've gotten a _real_ job, Clarke. I will _not_ have my daughter selling art online! You've become unrecognizable! What the hell happened to the Clarke that I raised?”

“Oh I'm sorry,” Clarke seethed, tears welling up in her eyes as she took a step closer to her mom, who backed up instinctively, “that girl _broke_ when her fucked up parents split up and then became shells of people. And frankly, _this_ girl that I've become is really not looking to have the same thing happen to her, so would you mind leaving my fucking apartment before I call the fucking police?”

Abby looked on at her daughter with eyes filled with disgust, but Clarke didn't care. She just wanted her gone. “This isn't over, Clarke. Like I said, I'm not leaving this town until the stain that you've created on this family is removed.” Abby glanced over Clarke's shoulder to where Lexa was still rooted. “And everything else that played a part in it.”

The woman was gone a second later, the door slamming shut, and Clarke felt her entire body release the tension that had gathered in it. “Fuck!” Soft hands were suddenly on her shoulders, rubbing gently.

“Come on,” Lexa whispered shakily, “come lay down.”

“I can't, Lexa,” Clarke argued, turning around and facing the brunette. Her tears were threatening to spill out over her cheeks. “What the fuck am I supposed to do? She's _here_ again, and you heard her, she's _not_ leaving.”

“Well she's going to get the fuck over herself at some point and leave,” Lexa insisted, though her face twisted up into a questioning look a moment later. “Won't she?”

“Who fucking knows? I need to... _fuck_ I don't know what I need to do. What does anyone do when someone's mind is set on tearing apart their life? How am I... how am I supposed to protect _you_ from her?” Clarke demanded, but her voice was no longer loud and angry. It was quiet, broken, weak. She knew it was by the look that came over Lexa's face, a look of utter hurt.

“Clarke, you don't need to protect me. I can protect myself,” Lexa promised, stepping a tiny bit closer. “You don't have to do anything. She can't hurt you. I won't _let_ her hurt you like she's already done. Okay?” The words broke the last thread that Clarke had been hanging from, and she burst out into tears, sobbing as Lexa pulled her into a strong hug. “I've got you, Clarke. I won't let her hurt you again. I won't. I've got you.”

* * *

“Shaken up,” Lexa answered. She was siting cross legged in one of the wooden chairs around the small table in the main room of the apartment. The bedroom door was closed, and the space was quiet except for Lexa's phone conversation. “She finally fell asleep, but I'm actually kind of scared, mom. Her mother is  _terrifying_ . She's hell bent on forcing Clarke to get a 'real' job, and now she's also preparing to turn Clarke straight or something.”

“Who the fuck does she think she is?” Alexandria demanded, and Lexa's eyes widened slightly. It was very rare that she ever heard her mom curse, but the older woman had come to really like Clarke, which Lexa was always happy about, and she supposed that this was as good a time as any for her to get angry and curse about something.

“It's literally so stupid,” Lexa muttered, “because her mom paid for her college under the guise that she didn't really _care_ what Clarke was going to college for. Not to mention that her mom hasn't even tried to care about her in years.”

“If this woman starts bothering you too much, I want to have a word with her,” Alexandria stated angrily, and Lexa couldn't say that she was surprised by her mom's reaction to the situation. “Honestly, how could she think that she even has the right to do that?”

“Who knows?” Lexa muttered, glancing up at the ceiling and sighing. “Sorry I called you about this, it's not like there anything you could do. I just didn't know who the first person I should call was. I mean, it's not like she has any other family in her life for me to talk to about this.”

“She's like family to me,” Alexandria promised, “so it's perfectly alright that you called me. You both know that she's welcome to talk to me if she ever needs to.”

Lexa smiled. “Yeah, she knows. Thanks.”

“Anyway, you should get your mind off of it for now,” her mom suggested softly. “How was your talk with your father last week? When you didn't bring it up, I assumed that you didn't go, but I ran into Anthony out in the town center yesterday and he mentioned that he did actually meet up with you on Sunday.”

Lexa's expression darkened. “It wasn't all bad,” she admitted, looking down at the floor and then over to the bedroom door. Laying down next to Clarke was suddenly sounding much more appealing than having this conversation with her mom. “But at the end of the conversation, I found out that not only is he married, but he has a son.”

“What? He didn't mention anything like that to me.”

“Yeah, he got a phone call and said it was from his son. I guess we shouldn't be surprised. It's been twenty years since he was here.”

Alexandria scoffed. “Just seems surprising that he'd have another kid and not even feel curious enough about his first one to come and check it out.”

“Yeah.” Lexa sighed, shaking her head. “I should go. I don't want Clarke to wake up alone, and she probably won't sleep very long. I'll text you later, mom, thanks for letting me talk to you.”

“Of course, sweetie. Tell Clarke that I'll give that woman a piece of my mind if she needs me to.”

Lexa chuckled. “Sure thing, mom. Bye.” She hit the end call button and then deflated into the chair. “Fuck.” She didn't know how to feel about anything these days. Too many things were happening all at once.

Shaking her head, she got up and carefully reentered the bedroom. Clarke was still sleeping soundlessly, and Lexa went to where her messenger bag was, taking her laptop out of it and then going to the bed. She slid into the side that Clarke wasn't sleeping on, pulling the blankets up over her lap, and then set her computer on top.

Trying not to let Clarke's even breathing make her too tired to think, Lexa opened up the transfer application that she'd started filling out after her talk with Luna on Thursday. She wanted to submit it by Monday so that she could know the logistics of what moving to New York would actually mean as soon as possible.

It wasn't hard to finish the application, since she'd done all the complicated parts of it on Friday in between her classes. She found that she was finished after another half an hour of working on it in bed, and after checking over it, she quickly went on to NYU's website and submitted along with her old test scores and current transcripts, which she already had anyway.

Letting out a long breath as she looked at the screen that told her that her application had been sent in, she wondered what it would mean if she did get in. Would she just go for it? Tell Clarke that she would move? As she'd told Octavia, there were more factors than just school. Anya, Luna and her mother would still be here.

She saw no clear answer, not like Clarke and their friends seemed to, so she just shook her head and closed her computer, setting it aside on the nightstand. Then she slid back under the blankets. It was around noon now, but Clarke was asleep and she felt mentally exhausted. She would deal with all of this later.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't think of anything to really say down here other than that I am exhausted. I love you all so so much, remember that you can follow me on Twitter @BrittzandTana and if you tweet me that you're reading this, I will follow you back! c: I love to chat on there, so tweet me or DM me and let's talk about random things ;D  
> I hope you all have a lovely day/night!!! X


	9. I'm Right Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya gets caught up on all of the stuff going down lately, Raven finds out about Lexa's NYU application, and Lexa comes face to face with someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO WORLD! =D Your guys' comments make me so happy <3 I'm sure that there will be mixed feelings about multiple things that will play out in this story, but I promise you all that my intentions are good and that Clexa will always be taken care of <3 ;) Just thought I'd mention that.  
> Tomorrow, I will have just enough time to update this at around 2 hours earlier than I'm posting this (5:30 CST), before I go to my friend's surprise birthday party! :D =D  
> We're already on chapter 9, whoa. Feels like I just posted this 9 days ago...  
> Oh wait.
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

“So, how are things?” Luna asked, propping her chin up on her hand as she and Lexa sat at one of the picnic tables in the greens of campus. “With... everything.”

Lexa sighed, leaning back a little and glancing up at the sky. “I mean. I don't know. Clarke's mom pulled a disappearing act after Saturday, but we're pretty sure she's still in town, because she seemed very adamant that she wasn't yet leaving. I haven't seen or heard from my dad since having lunch with him. My mom's been supportive of me and Clarke through all of it, though.”

“Even New York?”

Lexa bit down on her lower lip. “Oh, no. I haven't mentioned that to her or to Anya,” she admitted, “so please don't bring it up when she gets here.”

“Right, sure,” Luna agreed, though a frown appeared on her face. “Did you send in your transfer application?” Lexa nodded. “Well, that's good. At least now you don't have to make a decision until you get your answer about it.”

“Yeah,” Lexa agreed. Before either of them could say anything else, a third person was sitting down at the table with them.

“Sorry I'm late, my class ran late,” Anya apologized immediately. “Ugh, my schedule this semester is so wonky, and it doesn't help that one of my professors keeps either canceling class, extending it, or cutting it short. I have it both Monday and Friday, too, which is complicated as fuck.”

“That's what you get for going into law,” Luna offered lamely, and Lexa just laughed, shaking her head.

“She's right.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Oh hey, get this. Lincoln called an emergency family meeting yesterday and we both went over to my parents' place. _Apparently_ , he's planning on moving to New York,” Anya stated, clearly expecting gasps of shock as she crossed her arms and raised both of her eyebrows. Lexa and Luna exchanged a quick glance, and Anya's expectant expression fell away. “What? You already knew?”

“It was Octavia's idea,” Lexa said, “and it makes sense that if she'd go, so would Lincoln.”

“Wait, and no one thought to mention this to me? Octavia and Lincoln are _actually_ moving to New York?”

Lexa shrugged. “I'm pretty sure. Actually... most of them are planning on going.”

“Who's 'most of them'?”

“O and Linc, obviously. Bellamy, Raven, Monty, Jasper... um, Clarke,” Lexa added, biting down on her lower lip.

Anya's eyebrows rose. “Wait, Clarke is going to New York without you?”

“No,” Lexa answered quickly, shaking her head. “No, she said she wouldn't. But she wants to. She hasn't brought it up to me since mentioning it the first time, but Octavia talked to me about it. They all really wanna go. I think Clarke is scared to tell me that straight, but like...”

“So, she's staying here?”

“I mean, she wants me to go.”

Anya's jaw dropped. “Wait, hold on. _You're_ moving to _New York_?” She looked to Luna with an accusatory glare. “And you _knew_?”

“What? No!” Luna exclaimed. “She's not moving to New York. At least, she doesn't know if she is.”

“Neither of you told me?” Anya demanded, looking between the two of them. “Wow, I didn't realize that I was the _extra_ friend in this group of ours.”

“You're not, Anya,” Lexa snapped, resting her arms on the picnic table and looking pointedly at her best friend. “You've just been busy with school and that guy – Luke, right? Luna only found out because she saw me looking up the psychology program at NYU.”

“New York University? You're going to transfer there?”

Lexa shrugged. “Don't know yet. If they don't accept me, there's no way that I'm moving. If they do accept me... well, then I'll figure it out.”

“You're really thinking about leaving? Leaving _us_ and your _mom_ and your _life_?”

Luna scoffed, surprising both of them. “Anya, if half of her life is going to pick itself up and move to New York, there isn't much left for her to deal with here. Not to mention, you're going to be leaving for law school in two years, and I'm already going to be done with college at the end of the semester, so I'm not glued here either. Frankly, we should all be supporting each other no matter what. It's not like Lexa has nothing else to worry about.” Lexa let out a sigh as Anya looked between the two of them suspiciously. It was true that Lexa had probably talked more to Luna than to Anya in the past couple of weeks, but Anya really had just been busier. Usually that wouldn't bother any of them, but Anya seemed personally offended.

“I'm sorry if I'm concerned about my best friend making an extremely abrupt major life change,” Anya muttered.

“Nothing is for sure yet, An. I promise that if something does become sure, I will let you know, okay? The reason I haven't mentioned it is because it isn't worth mentioning yet. Clarke doesn't even know that I sent in a transfer application to NYU.”

“You did _what_?” a voice suddenly exclaimed, and Lexa's eyes widened as Raven was suddenly sitting next to her, her face lit up. “You decided that you're going to go?”

“No!” Lexa just about shouted, petrified all of the sudden. “No, I haven't decided anything. I just sent in an application to transfer to NYU. If I get in, then I can decide. If I don't get in, I'm not moving.”

“I guess I get that,” Raven reasoned, “I'm in the same boat as you. I submitted my transfer app last week.” She looked to Luna and Anya. “Either of you guys thinking about moving?”

“No,” Anya stated flatly, looking to Luna pointedly.

The other brunette coughed awkwardly. “Um, I don't think so. At least, not this year. I... don't know exactly.”

Raven shrugged. “Suit yourselves. Sorry if I interrupted a besties only conversation.” Lexa rolled her eyes, smiling at Raven despite herself.

“Just please don't tell Clarke about the NYU application...”

“Sure.”

Anya cleared her throat. “So, while we're bringing up all of these big deal sort of things, is there anything else that anyone would like to mention that might have a life changing affect on me?” Lexa gaze moved and fell on Luna, who narrowed her eyes in response.

“Nope,” Luna answered quickly, sitting up straighter. “I have class, so I should go. See you at the dorm, An. I'll text you later, Lex. Bye, Raven.”

“See ya,” Raven said as Luna grabbed her bag and started off.

Anya looked to Lexa with curious eyes. “So there's nothing else?”

“Nothing from me,” she said.

“You two seem tense,” Raven commented, smirking. “Lighten up, just because it's Monday doesn't mean that the whole day has to be a shit storm. From what I've been hearing, your lives have been complicated enough recently. Might as well try to calm down during your free time.”

“My free time always just seems to be occupied by stress now,” Lexa admitted, sighing.

“Excuse me,” a voice said suddenly, and three heads turned to look at a kid that had just approached the table. He was probably around twelve, with light, sandy colored hair. For some reason, Lexa felt like she recognized him from somewhere. “I was wondering if there is a bathroom somewhere that I could use?”

“Mostly faculty bathrooms around here,” Anya said, her expression as puzzled as the other two. It was very rare that anyone ever saw a kid around campus, because it always seemed that most of the professors had grown kids rather than young kids. “The nearest public bathroom is in the library, but something tells me that you shouldn't be running around a college campus by yourself.”

“My dad had to go into a room to talk to someone, and he told me to wait, but I really have to go to the bathroom,” the kid explained, shrugging. “He's taking a while.”

“Aden!” a voice that Lexa did recognize called suddenly, and her eyes widened immensely as she turned to see her father rushing over to the picnic table from one of the staff buildings. The building where her mother currently was. She pieced it together easily, and her wide eyes fell back onto the kid with understanding. This had to be her half brother.

“You okay, Lexa?” Raven asked, nudging her and only barely getting a reaction.

“Oh, hey there Lexa,” Anthony was saying suddenly, drawing confused looks from Anya and Raven. “I hadn't seen you around the few times that I came up here, so I didn't think we'd run into you.”

Lexa swallowed thickly, looking between the kid – Aden – and her father. “Well, I do go to school here.”

“Right,” he said, smiling and nodding as if he wasn't standing next to both of his children – one who he hadn't given a shit about for twenty years, and the other who he had raised an nurtured for years. “Um, Lexa, this is Aden, my son.”

“I gathered.” Her voice, like her physical appearance at the moment, was stiff.

“Dad, I need to go to the bathroom,” Aden complained, looking to his dad, completely oblivious. Had he not even mentioned her existence to his son? Did his _wife_ even know about her?

“Right,” Anthony said, glancing nervously at Lexa again. “C'mon, kiddo. Nice to see you Lexa.” He ushered his son away from the three girls, and Raven and Anya both looked to Lexa with wide eyes.

Lexa squeezed her eyes shut, letting her head fall into her hands. “Fuck, I feel like I'm going to throw up.”

“Was that your dad?” Anya demanded. “And his kid?”

“Wait, hold on, your mystery dad who just appeared out of nowhere has another kid?” Raven asked loudly, and Anya hushed her immediately afterward.

Lexa let out a slow breath, and then stood up. “Yeah, and apparently he hasn't even told the kid that I exist, which is, you know, exactly what every abandoned daughter wants to hear.”

“Oh come on, Lexa, there's probably a perfectly logical explanation that he hasn't told him,” Anya objected, frowning.

“Well fuck perfectly logical explanations,” Lexa bit out. “I'm a person, I exist. Whether he ever wanted to be or not, he's my father, and he didn't give a shit about me until twenty years after leaving me alone. Meanwhile, he's been raising his own son who doesn't even know that he has a half sister.”

“Where are you going?” Raven called as Lexa turned around, heading off in a random direction.

“I don't know,” she snapped, “class maybe?” Suddenly Raven was grabbing her arm.

“Oh no you don't,” she vetoed. “You're skipping class today. Come on.”

“Where you gonna take her?” Anya interrupted, appearing next to them.

Raven shook her head. “I don't know. You have class soon, don't you? I'll take care of Lexa.” Anya nodded weakly, giving Lexa a frown, and then turned back. “Your car here?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, well we'll come get it later,” Raven promised her, “but right now, let's get you somewhere where you can calm down.”

Lexa let Raven lead her to the nearest parking lot, where the older girl's car was apparently parked. She found herself sitting in the passenger seat, relaxing into it weakly. “I don't know if I should hate him for it all.”

“I don't know either, Lexa,” Raven told her sadly. “Right now, I think you really just need a break. You're clearly swamped by too many things right now. What class are you missing right now?”

“Principles of Psych,” Lexa replied quietly.

“You going to be okay in that class?”

Lexa nodded. “I can email my professor.” She looked out the window and realized immediately where they were going. The warehouse. Knowing their destination made her relax even more, because she knew that Clarke would be there soon. She should be off work within the next half hour or so. Most everyone else was there when they got to the warehouse, aside from Octavia, who probably had a class. As Raven got out of the driver's side and Lexa followed suit, she asked, “Are you missing a class right now?”

“No, I just got out of one,” Raven promised, shaking her head. “My next isn't for another hour. I can head back over there once Clarke gets here.”

“Hey, Rae! Hey, Lexa!” Bellamy called, looking at them curiously. “Shouldn't you both be on campus?”

“Lexa's had a rough afternoon,” Raven stated, and Lexa followed her lamely into the room, sitting on Bellamy's couch stiffly. “You gonna be okay, Lex?”

Lexa sighed, spreading across Bellamy's couch. She felt at home here, in the warehouse. It had a similar calming affect as Clarke's apartment did, as Clarke herself did. “Sure.”

“What happened?”

“She just met her half brother, and he had no idea who she was,” Raven explained quietly, and Lexa squeezed her eyes shut again. She couldn't sort it all out in her head. Was she supposed to be raging mad? Disappointed? Shouldn't she have expected this?

“Oh, shit.”

“Fuck,” Lexa seethed, rolling over so that she was face down on the couch with her face buried in her arms. Tears were forcing their way out of her eyes now, but she didn't want to cry in front of Raven and Bellamy. She rarely cried in front of anyone, and at least in the past two years, the only person she'd cried in front of was Clarke.

She wasn't sure if she actually drifted off to sleep, or if time just blurred together while she cried, but the next thing Lexa knew, she heard Raven talking to Clarke quietly and then the older brunette called goodbye to Bellamy, and a new presence was sitting next to Lexa. “Babe,” Clarke whispered, and Lexa felt her girlfriend's hand in her hair, playing with it softly. “Lexa?”

“Mm.” She wasn't crying anymore, she realized, but her face was stained with dried tears.

“Come on, let's go home.”

Lexa rolled over, looking up at the blonde. “My car is still on campus.”

“Well then it's a good thing that I have a car, huh?”

Blue eyes were looking sadly down at her, and Lexa could tell that Clarke was concerned. Lexa wiped at her face self consciously, sniffling. “He doesn't even know who I am, Clarke,” Lexa muttered. “My father didn't even care enough to tell his _other_ kid that I _exist_.”

“I know, babe,” Clarke said quietly. “Let's go home.”

Half an hour later found them back home, Lexa changed into pajamas, and Clarke spooning her in bed. She was playing gently with Lexa's hair as she held her like that, and Lexa loved the feeling. It was incredibly soothing. “You know,” Lexa murmured, “it's really not fair that you and I combined happen to have so many parent problems.”

Clarke laughed sadly. “Tell me about it.”

“And how come they're all happening at the same time?”

“I probably could've stopped this stuff with my mom if I'd just called her earlier,” Clarke admitted, sounding slightly defeated. “Maybe I could've calmed the beast before she'd truly woken.”

“It's not your fault, Clarke. Plus, neither of us knew that my dad would ever come into the picture again,” Lexa said, as Clarke scratched softly against her scalp. “I miss you.”

“I'm right here.”

“I know, but we haven't had any time to ourselves. Every time we do, we can't get our minds off of all of this shit that's happening for longer than five minutes before something ruins it,” Lexa growled, though her angry tone dissipated almost as quickly as it had materialized when Clarke pulled her closer.

“Let's go somewhere on Saturday,” Clarke suggested.

Furrowing her eyebrows, Lexa carefully rolled over and looked at the blonde questioningly. “Where?”

“I don't know, anywhere. Let's make it a road trip. Just us and a shit ton of candy.” A smile tugged at Lexa's lips, and Clarke was spurred on. “Where do you wanna go? I'm assuming not New Jersey or DC or New York.”

Lexa chuckled despite herself and the whole situation. She thought for a moment about places that they could drive to that weren't too far. “Have you ever been to Busch Gardens?” Clarke grinned.

“The theme park?”

“No, Clarke, the planet.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “I went once when I was little, but I haven't been in a long time. You wanna go?” Lexa smiled shyly.

“It's only about two hours away.”

“It might be kinda cold for an amusement park,” Clarke said, raising an eyebrow. “But it could be fun.”

“We can bundle up and ride roller coasters,” Lexa suggested hopefully, eyes wide. Clarke bit down on her lower lip, smiling still.

“Sounds like a plan,” she finally agreed. “We can leave at like eight on Saturday. Should we stay the night in Williamsburg or come home late on Saturday?”

“Let's stay the night. So we can get a whole twenty-four hours away from the rest of the world.”

Clarke nodded. “Deal.”

Lexa searched her girlfriend's eyes carefully. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Lexa.”

“You should go back to the warehouse,” the brunette prompted quietly. “You were going to spend the afternoon there and I hijacked it.”

“I don't need to paint today.”

“No, go paint,” Lexa insisted. “I need to email my professor anyway, and do some homework.”

“Are you sure?”

Lexa nodded, poking at her girlfriend. “You didn't change anyway, you totally knew I'd make you go back.”

“Well _actually_ , I was thinking that I might go get us some takeout somewhere,” Clarke informed her pointedly. “How about I go to the warehouse for as long as you would've been in class for, and then I'll bring food afterward?”

“That sounds nice.”

Clarke grinned, pressing her lips against Lexa's softly for a moment. “Alright, then I'll go now. Love you, I'll see you soon.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow is Friday WOO!! That marks my halfway point through my internship, and I'm proud of myself for not having died or anything during it so far. =D Yay!  
> This weekend I will be working on this fic, but I will also start my summer reading (I have so much to read holy fuck) and I am going to try to finish a couple of other things since I'm actually going to have time to do things. (I actually prefer my school schedule to my work schedule right now because I'd rather wake up earlier to get home earlier. my school lets out at 2:35, but I don't leave work until 5... the struggle agh...)  
> Thank you all so much for your continuing support, it means so much! I love you all to the ends of the earth and back (HAH BUT EARTH HAS NO ENDS SO DOES THAT MEAN THAT IT'S JUST INFINITY???)!! Have a lovely day/night!!


	10. You're My Half Sister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa finds herself in an interesting situation that she thinks is probably bad, but ends up not being so awful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, lots of you figured that Lexa's half brother would be Aden hehe :D Truth be told, I've never written Aden before. I guess we'll see how I do :D
> 
> I'm about to go over to my friend's house to help setup for my other friend's surprise birthday party! :D Woo! So not a lot of time to write a long flowy note or anything, or answer all of the previous comments, but know that as always I did read them and thank you all so much for them <3 Seriously, if you've stuck around for Pristine and now this and you're still enjoying, thank you so so much <3
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

“We're gonna go and get plastered on Saturday,” Luna admitted, sighing. “I mean, I figure that's what we'll do at the frat party. That's what always happens. Even if I don't feel much like drinking, Anya always does.”

Lexa hummed thoughtfully into the phone, walking through campus. It was Thursday, and she'd just driven from work to the school in order to speak with the director of administration, because she had completely forgotten to even tell her own university that she had sent a transfer application to NYU before doing so. Now she'd just left the office and was heading back to her car. “So you guys are back to normal?”

Luna groaned. “Hardly. I mean, sure. But I can't read her at _all_. I think that she might be mad at me, but I don't think she's mad because I dropped off the face of the planet for a week. I think she's mad that I've been talking to you more than her.”

“Why do you think that?” Lexa asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

“She keeps dropping little hints about it,” Luna muttered. “Surprisingly, she's hardly brought up that guy Luke around me, though, which is a huge fucking relief. Still not sure whether I should talk to her about... how I feel... I don't want to while she's mad at me, that's for sure.”

“You should do whatever feels right as far as talking to her,” Lexa advised. “Don't feel like you _have_ to talk to her. You'd be putting yourself out there, and while I think that you probably should at some point if you really want to get past it all,you don't _have_ to, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” Luna said, sighing. “Anyway. You coming to the frat party on Saturday, or is it truly going to just be me and Anya drowning ourselves in alcohol?”

“I can't.” Lexa realized with a frown that this was the second time that she'd had to turn down an invitation to a party from Luna, and she groaned. “I'm sorry, Lu. Clarke and I are going to Williamsburg all day Saturday. We thought that a break from reality was in order.”

“Oh, yeah of course. You both totally deserve one, anyway. Hey, I gotta go, Anya's gonna be back any minute and I need her help on my math homework. I'll talk to you later.”

“Bye.” The line ended and Lexa slid her phone into her back pocket.

Suddenly, familiar voices filled her ears and she froze, turning her head. “Wait, I have to sit in the hotel for the whole rest of the day? Where are _you_ going? You said that I could come here to visit you, not to sit around while you go out and do things.”

“Look, kiddo, I'd take you with me but it's really not a good idea. I haven't met up with these guys in years, and I don't even know what kind of people they are anymore. I promise that I'll be back before it gets too late,” Anthony told the younger boy, ushering him forward.

Lexa made eye contact with her father suddenly, and he and Aden stopped in their tracks. “Lexa. Hey! How are you? I meant to call you after running into you on Monday. I wanted to know if you maybe wanted to have dinner one night. You could bring Clarke, and I could meet her. Maybe Saturday?”

“I can't on Saturday,” Lexa said, stuffing her hands into her pockets and glancing nervously at Aden, who seemed to be scrutinizing her. “Clarke and I have plans. We've been kind of stressed out lately – her mom just started pestering her after not talking to her in years and well... we kind of need a break from reality.”

“Oh, I understand,” Anthony said, nodding. “Well, I'll be here next week too, at least. Aden will be headed back to New Jersey, though. His mother would kill me if I let him miss too much school.”

Aden frowned, glancing up at his dad. “I have all my makeup work that I'm going to do this weekend. It's not like I'm _really_ missing anything.” He looked to Lexa. “Seventh grade is easy.”

Lexa found herself smiling at him. As Anya had said previously, it wasn't like she could be mad at him for anything. He was just a kid. “Yeah?”

“Yes. I made all A's for the first half,” Aden announced proudly, crossing his arms over his chest. “My dad keeps telling me that A's will help me get into college, but my friend Ty's older brother said that it doesn't even count for college until you're in high school.”

“Your friend's brother is right,” Lexa told him, “but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to get A's now anyway.”

“That's what my _mom_ says.”

Anthony laughed. “That's because your mom knows what she's talking about.”

“Hey, how about instead of me waiting in the hotel all evening, Lexa can just watch me?” Aden suggested, looking up at Anthony with wide eyes. “You said you're friends with her mom, right? So you know her. And that way I won't have to be alone until you get back.”

Lexa's eyes were wide as she stared at Aden, and then at Anthony. Aden's blue eyes shifted back to looking at her. “Aden, Lexa probably has plans. We can't just assume that she has time to watch you.”

“I don't mind,” Lexa heard herself saying, and she wondered why on earth she would be volunteering to watch Aden for her dad. After a second, she realized that it wasn't even a question as to why. Just because she was mad at her father for not telling Aden about her being his sister, that wasn't her half brother's fault. In fact, he was completely innocent in this, and he seemed like a sweet kid. “I mean, as long as you don't care if he comes back to my apartment. That's where I was headed.”

Anthony searched her expression, and then nodded. “Okay, sure. You have number, right? I'll need your address so I can pick him up later.”

“Of course,” Lexa agreed, nodding. “I'll text it to you.”

Anthony looked back down at his son. “Lexa's in charge, alright?”

“Alright, dad, you don't have to treat me like I'm a kid. I _am_ twelve, after all,” Aden protested, stepping away from his father and toward Lexa pointedly.

“Right, how could I forget?” Anthony asked, smiling fondly at his son. “Thank you so much, Lexa. If something happens, he has his phone too.” Lexa nodded, and suddenly Anthony was walking off in a different direction.

“What was your dad doing on campus again?” Lexa asked her half brother, glancing at him. He was actually pretty tall for a kid, but he still had a sort of baby face that gave away his age.

“He was meeting up with someone he said he was friends with in college. A guy who is a professor here now. His name was something like Gus. I don't know,” Aden answered, shrugging. “So, where are we going?”

“Back to where I live,” Lexa repeated, starting back toward the parking lot and nodding for Aden to come with her.

“Do you live by yourself?”

“No, I live with one other person. Her name is Clarke,” Lexa stated.

“Who is she?”

“She's my girlfriend.”

Aden looked up at her curiously. “Really? My mom always says that it's weird for girls to have girlfriends or boys to have boyfriends. But I know a girl at school who likes other girls, and she seems pretty normal. A lot of people always call her a dyke, though, which is pretty mean.”

“Mm, that is mean,” Lexa agreed, frowning.

“My mom is crazy sometimes, though,” Aden admitted. “She's way more strict than most of my friend's parents. It sucks sometimes.”

“I bet one day when you're older, you'll be glad she was,” Lexa suggested as they approached her car.

“I doubt it.”

She unlocked her car door and opened the passenger seat for Aden, and he hopped in eagerly, buckling his seat belt. Lexa went back around to get into the driver's seat, and then started pulling out of the parking lot once she was all buckled in and the car was started. The drive started out silent, and then Aden fidgeted a little in his seat. “Something wrong?”

“How come my dad never told me about you?”

Lexa cast her half brother a side glance. “What do you mean?”

“You're my half sister.”

“How do you know that?” Lexa asked, furrowing her brow and keeping her eyes ahead of her.

“I heard my mom say something about it,” Aden admitted. “When dad first came here, he called her late at night and I heard them fighting about you. She called you his bastard child.”

Lexa swallowed thickly. “Oh.”

“How come he didn't tell me?”

“I don't know, Aden,” Lexa said apologetically. “He never told me about you either.”

“He didn't?”

“I just met your dad when he first got here. I didn't know who he was. He didn't even know my name until he got here,” Lexa explained weakly, unsure of what else to do. She supposed that she should be leaving this conversation to Anthony, but she felt at a loss. “You'll have to ask him about it.”

“Okay. I have to do it before he takes me back home. If I talk about you around my mom she'll probably get mad. She and my dad have been fighting,” Aden admitted. “That's why dad came here. He said that he'd give my mom some space and come visit where he grew up. I wanted to see, so they let me skip a week of school. As long as I got my makeup work, though, which I'm going to do this weekend.”

“Oh. I'm sorry about your mom and dad.”

“It's okay. But don't you mean _our_ dad?”

Lexa bit down on her lower lip, and then exhaled slowly. “I don't really call him my dad, Aden. I don't know him well enough. What makes someone your dad is your connection to them, you know? I don't have that with your dad.”

“Oh.”

Lexa pulled into the parking lot by the apartment building in her usual spot, and saw that Clarke's usual spot was empty. She was still out. As she got out of the car and Aden followed suit on the other side, Lexa grabbed her phone from her pocket. To her father, she sent her address. And then she opened a message to Clarke as she led Aden up to the building.

**To Clarke – When will you be home?**

“You live in an apartment? That's so cool,” Aden said, grinning as Lexa punched in the code to let herself into the building.

Lexa chuckled. “Really?”

“Yes,” Aden insisted, following Lexa up the first flight of stairs and to the door to her and Clarke's apartment. “So, how old are you?”

“Twenty,” Lexa answered, fumbling with her keys and then unlocking the apartment door easily.

“So you're not _that_ much older than me,” Aden reasoned. He stepped into the apartment as Lexa held the door open, and then she followed behind him. “Oh, it's small.”

“Well, you don't need much space for two people,” Lexa reasoned.

“How come there's no TV?”

Lexa felt a smile appear on her lips. “It's in the bedroom.”

“You have a TV in your bedroom? I'm so jealous! My mom would never let me have a TV in my bedroom!”

“Neither would my mom, don't worry,” Lexa said teasingly, walking over to the kitchen. “But luckily, once you move out of your parents' place, your mom doesn't get to make the rules anymore.”

“I can't wait for that,” Aden admitted, stepping further into the apartment.

“Do you want some soda?” she asked Aden, unsure of what exactly she should and shouldn't be giving the kid. She opened the fridge and realized with a relief that they had sprite – for whatever reason – and so she grabbed it as she heard Aden confirm that yes, he wanted soda. She figured that no caffeine was better than her father getting mad at her later. She brought it to the boy, and then felt her phone vibrate in her pocket.

**From Clarke – Very shortly. X**

**To Clarke – Aden is here.**

**From Clarke – What?? Aden as in your half brother??**

**To Clarke – Yes. I ran into him and Anthony on campus, and Aden was going to be in a hotel room all evening by himself, he asked if I would watch him instead. Anthony just left it up to me. This kid is really sweet. I couldn't just say no. I mean, it's not his fault that his dad is kinda an asshole.**

**From Clarke – I'm not judging, babe. Want me to bring pizza?**

Lexa glanced at her half brother, who had sat down at the table and produced his own phone once Lexa had gotten sucked up into hers. “You want pizza?”

He looked up brightly. “Yes, please!”

**To Clarke – That would be amazing.**

**From Clarke – Cool, will be home ASAP then!**

**To Clarke – Love you!**

**From Clarke – Love you too, beautiful. X**

“Okay, Clarke is going to bring us pizza,” Lexa told Aden, who looked up at her again. “You got anything you wanna do? I'm not going to lie, I've never really babysat before.”

Aden grinned. “Do you have Netflix?”

“Why do I feel like there's a specific reason that _you_ don't have it?”

“My mom canceled our subscription because I used up all our monthly data a few months ago,” Aden admitted, glancing down at his phone. “But I was halfway through watching the The Clone Wars when she canceled, and I haven't gotten to finish it.”

Lexa laughed to herself, and gestured for him to follow her into her bedroom. She was happy to see that the room was fairly clean and the bed was still made, something that she had done as an afterthought earlier in the day, since she'd woken up early. It was a nice coincidence that she had. “You can sit on top of the blankets,” she told him, “but take your shoes off first.”

Aden obeyed the instructions and then climbed onto the bed, his soda still in hand. Lexa powered on all of the necessary parts of the TV to get Netflix up, and then she offered the remote to her half brother. “Go crazy,” she teased him. He grinned and quickly found his show, turning it on and watching intently.

Lexa, in the meantime, used the restroom and took the brief moment away to take in a deep breath and tell herself that she was okay. She was mostly surprised, however, when she realized that she wasn't particularly stressed. Aden was a nice kid, sweet and surprisingly polite. Sure, his dad was an asshole for not caring at Lexa until twenty years after she was born, and for not mentioning either of his kids to one another, but at least Aden was nice.

Lexa ended up sitting on the bed next to Aden, and he tried to explain to her what was happening in the show. She'd seen all of the Star Wars movies, but this cartoon version was really not up to par in her opinion.

When she heard the door to the apartment open, she nudged her half brother. “Pause it, it's pizza time.”

“Oh come on, can't we eat pizza while watching?” he complained, looking at her with wide blue eyes.

“I don't think so,” she replied teasingly, getting off the bed. He groaned, pausing the show and climbing off as well. Lexa left her bedroom with him behind her and immediately made eye contact with Clarke, who had just set a box of pizza down on the table.

“Hey,” Clarke greeted her with a smile, before glancing at Aden. “You must be Aden.”

He nodded. “And you're Clarke? Lexa's girlfriend?”

Clarke smiled a little. “Yes. Nice to meet you. I hope pizza is an acceptable introduction.” Aden nodded eagerly, sitting down at the table and opening up the box, grabbing a piece. Clarke walked past the table, over to where Lexa was still standing. “He looks nothing like you.”

“I know,” Lexa murmured in response, glancing over at him. “He looks a lot like Anthony, who I, unsurprisingly, really don't look like. Thanks for bringing pizza.”

“Of course,” Clarke replied, placing a soft kiss on her lips. “I've gotta use the bathroom.” She disappeared into the bedroom and then the bathroom, and Lexa went over to sit across from Aden.

“Is it good?” she asked, grabbing a slice for herself.

“It's alright,” Aden answered, shrugging even as he took another bite. When he swallowed it, he looked at her inquisitively. “Have you ever tried pizza from New York? That's my favorite.”

“No, I haven't,” Lexa admitted. “I've never been to New York.”

“You should go,” Aden advised as he nodded seriously. “It's one of my favorite places ever. It's a lot bigger than here. This place is pretty small.”

“You're not wrong.”

Aden had finished his first piece of pizza and was already moving onto his second. Lexa couldn't say that she was really surprised, though. Clarke emerged from the bathroom suddenly. “I hope you're saving some of that pizza for me,” she said, coming over and sitting next to Lexa at the table. They very rarely sat down at the table, since most of their meals happened in bed or out of the house. Not to mention, Lexa had always seemed to much prefer to sit on the table top rather than the chairs.

“We've only had three pieces total,” Aden said pointedly, “and I'm sure you couldn't eat _all_ of the rest of that.”

“You'd be surprised, kid,” Clarke said, winking at him playfully.

“What's the most amount of pizza you've ever eaten in one sitting?” he asked challengingly, sitting up a little and leaning against the table.

“A box and a half,” Clarke told him proudly, grabbing a slice out of the box and taking a bite out of it. Lexa's jaw dropped.

“Wait, really? I've never seen you eat that much.”

Clarke flashed Lexa a grin. “I was nineteen. For the record, would not recommend.”

“How old are you now?” Aden asked.

“Old enough to know that you're trying to get out of letting me realize that I proved you wrong,” Clarke teased. “How much pizza have _you_ eaten in one sitting?”

“Half a box,” Aden answered in defeat, frowning as he took another bite of his current slice.

“I'm sure you'll get there. You're still young, you've got plenty of years to stuff your face with pizza.”

Aden shrugged. “I'd probably have been able to eat more, but my mom took the box away when I finished half of it.”

“Lame,” Clarke said, and Aden nodded in agreement, before looking to Lexa.

“How much have you been able to eat in one sitting, Lexa?”

“Yeah, Lexa?” Clarke asked teasingly, grinning widely at her girlfriend. Lexa flushed.

“Three pieces, but I wasn't _trying_ to eat a lot,” Lexa defended herself quickly, and Aden grinned proudly at Clarke.

“At least I'm not the loser, then.”

“Hey, watch who you're calling a loser!”

Clarke stuck her tongue out at the brunette. “What are you going to do about it?”

“I'll take the pizza away from _both_ of you,” Lexa threatened as Aden finished his second piece.

“Okay, I'll just go back to watching Clone Wars then,” Aden claimed defiantly, flashing his older half sister an evil smile as she stood up and went back into the bedroom. Lexa's jaw dropped, and Clarke smirked at her.

“Nice kid,” she commented, as the TV started making sound again. “Actually, though.”

“Yeah, I feel kind of bad for him. Apparently his parents have been fighting a lot, and that's why Anthony came down here – to get away for a little while.”

Clarke's expression darkened as she frowned and glanced back into the bedroom. “Oh shit. That sucks. I hope for that kid's sake that things work themselves out.”

“Me too,” Lexa admitted, sighing. “I never thought about what it would be like to have a brother. Oh, and he knows, by the way. That I'm his half sister. Anthony didn't tell him, but apparently he heard his parents having a conversation on the phone about me. Apparently his mom called me Anthony's _bastard child_.”

“Fuck her,” Clarke muttered, frowning as she finished off the slice of pizza she was eating.

“Whatever, she doesn't even know me,” Lexa said.

“Yeah, exactly. What she _does_ know is that your dad conceived you and then abandoned you. Anyone with any motherly instinct at all should be able to see past any implications that came with you being born and at least realize that you had to grow up without a dad because of it,” Clarke huffed out in frustration, shaking her head. “Sorry, I've just been thinking about it a lot.”

Lexa gave her a sad smile. “Me, too. It's okay, though. I'll figure out at some point how I feel about my dad, and how I want to go about having any sort of relationship with him. We don't have to dwell on it so much.”

“But we do anyway,” Clarke mumbled, laughing weakly and shaking her head. “You and I are both so bad about keeping things internalized, you know? Neither of us actually let out how we're feeling enough. Once in a blue moon, one of us actually lets it all out.”

“At least we can generally communicate with each other fairly well.”

“Mm, there's that.”

It was only a couple of hours later – hours that were spent watching the Clone Wars series on Netflix – before Anthony buzzed their apartment. Clarke let him up while Lexa shut off her TV and Aden slipped his shoes back on.

When the front door open, Aden grinned at his dad. “Hey, dad!”

“Hey, kiddo,” Anthony said, looking up at Lexa with a please smile on his face. His gaze shifted suddenly to Clarke, and he extended a hand. “Oh, you must be Clarke. Nice to meet you, I'm Anthony.”

“Yeah. Nice to meet you, too, Anthony” Clarke returned, shaking his hand politely.

“Thank you both for watching him. He really didn't want to be cooped up in the hotel room by himself for hours.”

Lexa shook her head. “It was no problem. We had fun.”

Aden nodded in agreement. “They got me pizza.”

“Well great,” Anthony said. “It was nice to see you Lexa, and nice to meet you Clarke. Maybe we can meet up again sometime next week after Aden goes back home. If you guys have time, of course.”

Lexa just nodded, not wanting to verbally agree to anything yet. “Nice to see you,” she said to Anthony. “Bye, Aden.”

“Bye, Lexa!” he called happily as he stepped out of the apartment. “Bye, Clarke!”

“Bye, kid.”

Anthony gave them one last smile and then started leading Aden back downstairs, and Clarke shut the door, looking to Lexa.

“Sorry our whole evening together got taken over.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “It's fine, babe. I think it's good that you got some time to get to know Aden. He seems to really like you.”

“Yeah, but he thinks you're cooler than me,” Lexa muttered, pouting. “I guess that's not new, though. You've always been cooler than me.”

“What's with you and always wanting to be _cool_?” Clarke asked, chuckling and starting past the brunette. Lexa grabbed her wrist, though, stopping her and pulling her into an abrupt kiss. It lasted nearly thirty seconds, and then the blonde broke away, her breathing heavy. “What was that for?”

“For being so fucking perfect,” Lexa murmured, slamming her lips back into Clarke's. The blonde moaned into the kiss, and Lexa pushed her backwards, until her back was pressed against the living room wall. Clarke groaned as Lexa's thigh forced Clarke's apart aggressively.

“Fuck, Lexa,” Clarke gasped as the brunette tore her lips away to place hot kisses on her neck. She latched on to one spot near her pulse point, sucking hard enough to leave a mark. “Lexa! I'm going to have a hickey!”

“Sorry,” Lexa muttered the empty apology against her girlfriend's marred skin. Clarke just moaned, because Lexa's thigh was grinding into her center, and the thought of the hickey was gone within a second. Lexa didn't waste any time, sliding her hand into her girlfriend's pants and underwear and pressing her fingers into her folds abruptly.

“Fuck!” Clarke exclaimed. Her entire weight was being supported by the wall and Lexa pinning her against said wall, but her body was tensing as Lexa wasted no time teasing. It took a very short amount of time for Lexa to drive her girlfriend up to orgasm, and Clarke released a loud moan when she did. When it was over, she relaxed against the wall, breathing heavily. “I still don't really know what that was for.”

“I just really fucking love you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was fun to write, but I was afraid of not doing it justice, so I hope that I did. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to reread it, so if there are any glaring mistakes, feel free to let me know and I will come back and fix them later!! To address something that multiple people have mentioned: I think that before, the reason that Anthony was seeming so unaware of Lexa's feelings regarding Aden is because he didn't want to react in any way that would make Aden suspicious. He has no idea that Aden knows who Lexa is other than the way that Anthony has described her to him - the daughter of an old friend. Also, I hope that Aden helped to clear up they WHY about Anthony - why the fuck is he here? I wonder if Anthony will have a happy ending. Hm. Does he even deserve one?  
> Alrighty, that's it for me! I love you all so much, thanks for reading and enjoying!! I hope you all have a lovely day/night!! See you tomorrow! :D xx


	11. Twenty-Four Hours Away From Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa spend twenty four hours away from reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little to no drama in this one!! I wish it were longer, but when I actually got to writing it, it didn't come easily enough for me to write it all out. Because I feel slightly bad about how bumpy this story is with drama, I'm going to tell you guys right now *SPOILER ALERT LOOK AWAY IF YOU WANT TO NOT BE AT ALL AWARE OF STUFF* that there will only be one more major wave of shit that crashes into Clexa's life before things start steadily getting better. I won't say what that shit is, of course, or how it will impact the way that they have to start building things, but yeah. :)  
> *IT'S SAFE TO LOOK AGAIN* Yes so, I apologize that this chapter is up so late. This morning I finished Episode 2 of Life Is Strange and by 3:30pm, I'd gotten about halfway through Episode 5 ... then I was dragged out of the house from then until 10pm... and then I had to finish Episode 5 because oh my god and HOLY SHIT I AM SO EMOTIONAL FROM THIS FUCKING GAME OKAY LIKE NO SPOILERS BUT I FEEL SO SELFISH AND AWFUL ABOUT LIKE 90% OF MY DECISIONS BUT I CANNOT HELP IT OKAY NOBODY EVER GIVE ME THE POWER TO REWIND TIME AIGHT???  
> ;-;  
> Anyway.  
> XD  
> Enjoy!!xx

“Hey, wake up,” Clarke heard someone murmur, and then a bunch of fluttery kisses were pressed all over her face. “Clarke, come on, get up.”

“Mm, why?” Clarke groaned, burying her face back into her pillow. She felt Lexa suddenly straddling her over her back, and her hair was pushed away from her neck only to be replaced by soft lips. “Lexa, I don't wanna get up.”

“But it's Saturday,” Lexa whispered, her lips still tickling across the back of Clarke's neck. “We're going to Busch Gardens, remember?” Clarke's eyes flickered open, and she sighed contently before flipping over, causing Lexa to almost fall off of the bed at the movement. “Clarke!”

“That's what you get for sitting on top of me,” Clarke insisted, grinning up at her. “I'm up. What time is it?”

“Seven thirty,” Lexa answered. “I already got ready and packed what I need for tonight, so you just have to do the same.”

Clarke groaned, rubbing her hand across her face tiredly. “Did we even make hotel reservations? Did we buy tickets for the park?”

“Yes, Clarke, I did yesterday. Remember?”

“Sleepy,” Clarke murmured, placing both of her hands over her eyes, “too early.”

“Clarke!” Lexa whined, grabbing her hands and tugging them away from her face. “Come on, get up. I wanna go run away from reality for twenty-four hours, remember? We're gonna go ride roller coasters and pretend like we aren't freezing.”

Clarke couldn't help but smile, and she finally pushed herself up into a sitting position. “Cold,” she murmured, stretching her arms up above her head and yawning.

“You're fully dressed in warm pajamas,” Lexa tutted. “Plus, it's February now, and it won't be cold for long. Your cold, whiny morning self is gonna have to give up pretty soon.”

“It's always cold,” Clarke insisted, smiling tiredly at the brunette. Then she forced herself up out of bed and began getting ready.

They barely managed to leave successfully at eight, but even then they had to stop at The Bean for coffee and breakfast. Their drive started off quietly as they woke up, sipping coffee and eating the pastries from the coffee shop. But about twenty minutes in, Lexa was apparently feeling more awake and switched on the radio. Clarke had never been much of a radio listener while in the car, but she had also not been on a road trip that lasted longer than an hour since moving to Polis, and even then the trip had been only just over an hour. Music seemed like the perfect way to fill the time. “So have you been to Busch Gardens?”

“No,” Lexa admitted. “I haven't been much of anywhere. But I've always wanted to go.”

“You'll like it,” Clarke said, smiling widely at her. “I mean, assuming you like roller coasters, which I'm assuming you do since you suggested that we go there in the first place.”

“I haven't really ridden any ever... but I think I'd like them.”

“I don't,” Clarke admitted shyly. “I mean, they're not _horrible_... but I get scared.”

Lexa let out a bright laugh, raising both of her eyebrows. “You get scared?” Clarke nodded.

“Don't make fun of me. The last time I rode a roller coaster was when I was like six or seven, and I was terrified out of my mind. You're gonna have to hold my hand every time.”

“Ha, like you couldn't have just asked me to do that,” Lexa teased.

The car ride went extremely well for the most part. Their minds were already off of everything that had been bogging them down lately, aside from when they stopped at a gas station for Lexa to go to the bathroom and Clarke had stayed in the car and realized that she had text from Octavia.

**From Octavia – Hey, have you talked to Lex at all about NYC again?**

**To Octavia – No. Why?**

**From Octavia – Well, I was talking to Monty and he said that NYU's transfer application is due by the Monday after next, and it'll take a couple of weeks after submitting it to get an answer. And that means that she'd know whether she got in by March, and since we're all planning the move for May, that's cutting it kind of close for finding an apartment and moving everything and whatnot. Just thought that maybe you should be thinking about it. Rae and Monty have both already sent in their apps.**

**To Octavia – Alright, I'll probably ask Lexa again about it next week. But today is mine and Lexa's day away from everything, okay? We're going to Busch Gardens, and staying the night in Williamsburg. I'll see you tomorrow, k?**

**From Octavia – Okay. As long as you talk to her in far enough advance that she can still send her transfer application in, or else that's a definite, 'nope, not moving'. Have a good day.**

Clarke frowned. She hadn't thought about the fact that the transfer process would have a due date, and now she felt a pit form in her stomach. She wanted to allow Lexa to have time to think about the whole situation at her own pace, which was why she hadn't tried to bring up at all. But now she had a time constraint, and it made her nervous. She just kept remembering Lexa getting stressed about thinking about, and getting up and pulling on her jacket and saying she needed air.

Clarke was terrified of driving away this girl who she loved so much. It had always, easily been her biggest fear, at least since getting together with the brunette. That she would mess up, and Lexa would leave her. The thought hadn't come up but once or twice in a span of two years, and only one of those times did it actually leave Clarke panicking. Now, however, she had a feeling that if Lexa reacted badly to her bringing up New York again, she might actually panic for real.

She saw Lexa coming out of the gas station, light on her feet, and immediately pushed away the thoughts. This was a day _away_ from all of that drama and stress. She wouldn't ruin it for her or her girlfriend. So she plastered a smile onto her face as Lexa got back into the car, and they continued off to Williamsburg.

When they were driving into the area, the theme park in their line of sight, Lexa grinned. “Okay, so we can't check into the hotel until three,” the younger girl stated, “so I guess we can go straight to Busch Gardens.”

“Sounds good to me,” Clarke said, and they began the rather difficult task of locating the parking lots for the theme park, and then venturing from there to the actual entrance of the park. Lexa grabbed Clarke's hand as they finally walked up into the area and the blonde knew that whatever it was that Lexa wanted to do while they were here, she'd do.

It occurred to her that since Lexa had never really left Polis, and that she'd generally been very focused on school, she probably hadn't gotten to do many fun, exciting things as a kid. Not to mention the fact that she was raised by a single mother, who was clearly only as well off as she was by working so hard and for so long. Clarke, however, had had a pretty lively, active childhood. She'd had a plethora of friends up until moving to Polis, and she'd gone to many exciting places, such as Kings Dominion and Busch Gardens, with her parents. Of course, upon moving to Polis, she had become much more withdrawn until finally making her new group of friends after finishing high school.

They made it to the ticket booth, where Lexa handed over both her and Clarke's tickets and the blonde grabbed a map for them to use. “So where do you wanna go first?” Clarke asked her girlfriend, unfolding the map and scanning over it as they walked into the England section of the park. Lexa leaned into the blonde to look at the map as well.

“Wait, why is Italy there? Shouldn't it be past France?”

“Lexa, I don't think that their organization of this amusement park was based off of the actual geography of Europe,” Clarke said, amused as she looked at the brunette, who rolled her eyes.

“Okay, but if they'd put Italy up there, and then you turned the map over, it would actually be almost geographically accurate.”

Clarke couldn't help but laugh as she flipped the map over as Lexa said and realized that she was right. “Alright, you're right. Now that that is established, what do you want to do first?”

Considering that half of the park's attractions were geared to kids, there weren't actually a ton of things for them to do while there. There was the Royal Palace Theatre in the back of the park, in the France section, that had shows at night, and the two of them thought that they might stop by there later. But to start their day, they decided to go to the Mach Tower, which Lexa claimed was probably going to be tame. Clarke wondered how exactly Lexa could say that when she hadn't even ridden any of these kinds of rides, but mostly she was just trying to forget that she herself was actually terrified of the height part of the tower.

Clarke was glad that it wasn't blistering hot outside, which was most of what she remembered from going to places like this. Since it was so early in the year, the weather was actually pleasant and cool, so when they found themselves waiting in line, it was actually tolerable.

The Mach Tower, for Lexa, was indeed not so bad. Clarke, however, was squeezing Lexa's hand from the seat next to her the entire time, sure that she was going to die. Yeah, Lexa got a great laugh out of that experience, and then they took a break from rides, instead just looking around the park. It was actually rather scenic and interesting to look around at.

At lunch time, they stopped at one of the food places and got some easy, typical theme park food. Then, Lexa was insistent that they ride a roller coaster. There were five coasters throughout the park, and Clarke was easily terrified of any of them. Lexa let her pick which one she thought would be the tamest, and that's where they went first.

It actually wasn't so bad, in retrospect, because Lexa had kept hold of Clarke's hand the entire time. Not to mention, Lexa seemed to have a lot of fun on it, and that alone made Clarke was to ignore the fact that she was scared.

So it wasn't really hard to believe that she allowed Lexa to take her onto the other four roller coasters as well. Surprisingly, by the end of the day, Clarke was proud to say that not only had she conquered her fear of roller coasters, but she may have also gotten past it. They had dinner at the park as well, but then decided against trying to get to the show that was being put on at the theater.

As they were approaching Clarke's car at the end of the day, Lexa let out a happy sigh. “This was fun,” she said, leaning against the blonde. “I'm glad we did this.”

“Me too, babe,” Clarke agreed, smiling softly at the brunette. They piled back into Clarke's car, and the blonde managed to drive them out of the theme park's parking lot and to the hotel that they'd booked a room at. It was well after the earliest possible check in time, so their room was immediately ready for them. They didn't have more than a small overnight bag each, so it didn't take long for them to get up to the room.

“Ooh, it's a queen sized bed.”

“Lexa, our bed is a queen sized bed.”

Lexa gave the blonde a curious look. “Really? It seems smaller than this.”

“You're crazy,” Clarke teased, dropping her bag on the floor and stretching her arms up and over her head. “Oh god, I need to shower. It might not be really hot out there, but walking around all day has made me feel gross anyway. Also, I should really start working out someday. I'm so tired.”

“Our life is way too busy to work out,” Lexa stated, and Clarke nodded in agreement, before taking off her coat, peeling off her shirt and then discarding her bra all in a matter of seconds. Lexa's eyes widened at the sudden stripping.

“Come shower with me,” Clarke suggested, batting her eyelashes at her girlfriend as she unbuttoned her pants and pushed them off of her legs, stepping out of them once they were low enough.

Lexa hummed thoughtfully, but a smile was tugging at her lips and she also began to remove her clothing. Clarke didn't wait for her to undress, instead stepping into the bathroom when she was naked and starting the water running.

“Hey, could you grab my shampoo out of my bag?” Clarke asked.

“Yep,” Lexa said, fumbling with the bag for a moment as Clarke stepped under the water, letting the shower door close behind her

“Ah shit, it's cold.”

Lexa stepped into the bathroom, giving the blonde an incredulous look. “Did you really just turn it on and then step in? Of course it's cold, Clarke.”

Clarke pouted. “Come warm me up.”

“Actually, I think I'll wait until the water isn't going to give me hypothermia, thanks.”

Clarke pushed opened the shower door and extended her hand. “Well, at least give me my shampoo.” Lexa obliged, but instead of grabbing the bottle from the brunette, Clarke grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the shower. They nearly slipped as Lexa shrieked and stumbled into the space, and Clarke grinned evilly.

“Clarke! We could've just died!”

“We didn't.”

“It's so cold! What the fuck!”

Clarke batted her eyelashes at the brunette. “And you were going to make me freeze in here all by myself.”

“Well, with this cold shower, I guess we won't need to be doing any funny business tonight.” Clarke's jaw dropped at Lexa's statement, and the latter girl smirked knowingly. Clarke closed her mouth, her expression shifting into a challenging one.

Lexa gasped when Clarke suddenly pinned her against the wall of her shower, which was undoubtedly colder than the water even though it remained dry. “You sure about that?” Clarke murmured, the front of her body coming flush with Lexa's.

“Not entirely.” Their lips were centimeters apart, and Clarke stared at Lexa's for a good ten seconds before choosing to close the distance between them. Lexa moaned in want, her arms wrapping around Clarke's neck as the blonde's hands came to her waist. Clarke's tongue delved into Lexa's mouth fully, dominating the kiss.

The water began to warm up finally, and since Lexa was probably still mostly cold, Clarke's hands fell to her ass and pulled her away from the wall and under the spray of the water.

“Not cold anymore,” Lexa mumbled against Clarke's lips when they paused for air.

“Mm.” Clarke joined their lips again, and gently pinned her girlfriend against one of the other walls of the shower, and now they were actually slightly being sprayed by the shower head. Clarke pulled her lips off of Lexa's and began placing slow kisses down her skin.

“This is such a waste of water,” Lexa muttered, “this is why I hate shower sex.”

“You've never complained about shower sex before,” Clarke murmured against the skin on her chest, before grabbing a nipple in between her lips and sucking on it gently.

“Fuck,” Lexa moaned, her head tossing back a little and resting against the wall. “That's because you always make me forget that it's a waste of water.”

“I can make you forget again,” Clarke offered after releasing the nipple, and Lexa's only response was another throaty moan. Clarke eagerly lowered herself onto her knees, her hands dragging down from Lexa's ass to her thighs instead. She gently and yet firmly spread Lexa's legs while still keeping her from slipping. Clarke brought her lips to meet Lexa's lower ones, which were quite expectant and prepared for her. She loved how aroused she could get Lexa.

She went slowly, because she knew that it would drive Lexa crazy. “Fuck! Clarke!” Lexa gasped out, her hands grabbing Clarke's hair somewhat strongly. The action drew a moan from Clarke's own lips, which vibrated against her girlfriend in an apparently very pleasing way, driving Lexa even closer to release.

She could feel when Lexa was coming, and she squeezed Lexa's thighs appreciatively as the brunette let out a loud moan of pleasure. When Clarke pulled her face out from between Lexa's legs, she turned her gaze upward to look at her girlfriend, whose eyes were squeezed together as her sporadic breathing began to even.

“You... have to let me give you a turn,” Lexa insisted, “after we shower.”

“Deal,” Clarke agreed. “I don't know about you, but I'm not so tired yet anyway.”

* * *

They left Williamsburg at around ten the following morning, and Lexa felt successfully rejuvenated. It was strange to feel so calm, knowing everything that there was to be stressed about, but it was nice at the same time.

Their car ride back to Polis was quieter, with both of them knowing that as soon as they were back, their real lives would hit them again at full force no doubt.

And though she knew to expect that, Lexa was not expecting to get a phone call from Luna at the exact second that she got home and collapsed onto her and Clarke's bed, while the blonde went into the bathroom.

With half a mind to ignore it, Lexa glared at the phone for all of ten seconds before finally deciding to answer it. “Hey, I just got back from Williamsburg. What's up?”

“Um. I really need to talk to you about something.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone going to Clexacon??? I spent a solid hour trying to finish convincing my parents to let me and my sister go (if we go, they're basically going too which I mean, is better than not going. There is no way they'd let us go to Vegas alone anyway) and well, they promised to let me know by noon tomorrow. And I mean, as long as the 3 day passes don't sell out before then, I'll be good. And even if they do, I'd be willing to spend a bit more money to buy 3 different individual day passes. Good news is that we have a time share trade available for a hotel very close to the venue, so that will hopefully help convince them!! Anyway, I'll tweet once I know the final decision, and then I want to try to meet any and all of you guys who are going!! I haven't met nearly enough Clexa stans, and definitely not enough people who understand and sympathize with my fanfiction obsession. So I must meet all of you if possible >_>  
> I love you all so so so much, thank you for your continued support and I hope that you continue enjoying this story <3 We're all dealing with this drama together ;) I hope you all have a lovely day/night!!! X


	12. A Bit Of An Exaggeration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luna talks to Lexa about what happened at the party the night before, and then Clarke receives some interesting news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. The italicized portion is a flashback from Luna's point of view... I wasn't sure about doing it, but it's basically just Luna telling Lexa a story and we get to read it like the normal story... it was going to be hard to write otherwise, so that's why I did it that way.  
> 2\. WE HAVE LESS THAN 1.5 HOURS LEFT TO VOTE FOR ALYCIA DEBNAM-CAREY AS THE TV CHAMPION ON THE RADIOTIMES POLL!! If you haven't been voting, at least drop some votes by going to www. radiotimes. com /news/2016-07-29/tv-champion-semi-final-2-alycia-debnam-carey-v-the-saccone-jolys ...... VOTE FOR ALYCIA!! ;-; It's very close right now, but we are currently losing.  
> 3\. Thank you all for your amazing support on this story <3
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

“Should I be scared?” Lexa asked, furrowing her eyebrows as she sat up a little.

“Ah, I don't know. Have you spoken to Anya at all today?”

“No, I haven't. She hasn't texted or anything, and I just got home, so. Why? Is she okay?”

Luna cleared her throat. “Well, I don't really know where she is, but I'm sure she's _okay_. I mean, I hope she's okay. I just... I just woke up and well, you know Anya and I went to that frat party last night.”

“Yes?”

“So...”

_Luna giggled as the guy next to her gave her a flirty smile, after saying something that she hoped was meant to me funny or flirtatious. The party was a bit too loud for her to hear anything, so even as the guy began to talk again, she wasn't quite sure what he was saying. She was pulled away suddenly, though, by Anya._

“ _Luuuu,” Anya slurred, “dance with me!”_

“ _You're so drunk,” Luna teased, letting Anya drag her into the living room of the frat house, which was full of people dancing around and drinking and smoking. “Ugh, this whole place smells like smoke.”_

“ _So don't smell,” Anya suggested, grinning as she began dancing._

_Luna smiled at her friend. Anya always surprised her by how hard she partied on the occasions that she did. She knew that it shouldn't surprise her anymore by now, but somehow she always expected Anya to be as studious at a party as she was in everyday life. It was a mystery that she wasn't sure she'd ever figure out. “Come on, An, I think you need to call it a night.”_

“ _No, no, no,” Anya tutted in response, shaking her head. “What I need is another drink.”_

“ _No, Anya, come on.” Luna grabbed Anya's wrist, carefully pulling her through the mess of sweaty bodies, people who all reeked of alcohol._

“ _But Luna,” Anya whined, but Luna just kept on tugging her friend. She'd always been the surprisingly more responsible one between the two of them, at least when it came to partying. Especially as she'd become more and more aware of her feelings toward the blonde. The last thing she wanted was to do something stupid that Anya would hate her for later. Anya nearly tripped, falling into Luna, who barely managed to catch her. “Oops. Ha, I'm very... what's the word again? Drunk, oh yeah. You should drink more, Lu, you're not drunk enough. Ooh, are we going home? I have some vodka at home. You can get drunker.”_

_Luna actually was fairly drunk already, but as she pulled Anya out of the frat house and started down to the sidewalk, she thought that maybe some vodka wouldn't hurt. Partying with Anya had been hard so far. She'd intended to spend most of the night with her friend, but had run off to hang out with a group of hot guys as soon as she realized that watching Anya drink and dance was hard for her. Trying to distract herself with other people was easier than trying to control herself around her friend._

_It was harder now that she'd told Lexa about how she felt toward Anya. It was harder knowing that it was_ real _. It just made her sad when she saw Anya so happy, even though she really should be happy for her, even if it was because of some guy she was dating. Luna just wished that these feelings would go away, so she could go back to her previously uncaring self. “C'mon, Lu Lu, you'll drink s'more at home?”_

“ _Sure, Anya,” Luna answered dismissively, as they followed the straight shot home. The rest of the walk was quiet, and Luna was relieved. When they finally got back to their dorm room, Luna ran through the routine that she knew Anya would go through for her if the roles were reversed, and she forced Anya to drink down a whole bottle of water and then use the bathroom._

_While her best friend was in the bathroom, Luna dug through her things and found a flask, which she instantly took a sip of. Whatever was inside it was disgusting, but she couldn't help needing a drink at this point. She never thought she'd be drinking for the sake of easing emotional pain, or to try and forget anything, and yet here she was. The thought made her take another swig from the flask._

_Anya tumbled out of the bathroom just then and Luna quickly closed the flask and slipped it away. “You gonna sleep, Lu?”_

“ _Probably,” Luna answered, glancing at the blonde. “You should, too.”_

“ _Mkay. Can we cuddle?” Anya moved over to Luna's bed and collapsed onto it._

“ _It's a small bed,” Luna said skeptically. “I'm not sure that we'll both fit. Plus, I don't cuddle.”_

_Anya giggled. “Aw, come on, you know you wanna cuddle with me. You wanna cuddle with me, right? I wanna cuddle with you.”_

_Luna laughed, looking at her friend with wide eyes. “How drunk are you?”_

“ _Totally sober,” Anya answered incredulously, grinning widely. “How drunk are_ you _?”_

“ _Too drunk to trust myself getting into bed with you,” Luna teased, going over to Anya's bed and sitting on it as she gazed at the blonde in her bed. “Go to sleep, Anya.”_

“ _No,” Anya muttered, frowning and propping her head up with the palm of her hand. “What d'you mean about trusting yourself in bed with me?” She sounded suddenly far less intoxicated, and Luna almost panicked._

_Luna averted her gaze. “I mean that I'm horny because you pulled me away from my chance to get laid tonight.”_

_Anya giggled. “You'd have sex with me because you're horny?”_

“ _Maybe,” Luna answered, smiling at Anya despite herself._

“ _I'd totally have sex with you,” Anya stated, nodding surely and then hiccuping. “I bet you're good at sex.”_

“ _Ha,” Luna laughed, smirking. “Probably better than you.”_

“ _Have you even had sex with girls?”_

_Luna felt herself nodding. “Yep.”_

“ _So you're gay?” Anya asked, laying her head down on Luna's pillow. “Like Lexa? I'm friends with lots of gay people.”_

_Luna laughed again, shaking her head. “I don't know.”_

“ _Like Clarke?”_

“ _I guess,” Luna answered, though she was actually unsure of how Clarke defined her sexuality. “Girls are nice in bed, so are guys.”_

“ _I've thought about girls in bed,” Anya murmured, turning her eyes up to look at the ceiling. “But I can't picture it. It's weird.”_

“ _Not that weird.”_

_Anya sat up, looking across the space between their beds with wide eyes. “You should show me.”_

_Luna's eyes nearly bugged out of her head. “We're both drunk, Anya, and even if you asked me to do that while we were sober, I'd say no.”_

“ _No? But Luna,” Anya whined, stretching out her name, “I wanna know what the hype is about. Please? Pretty please? I promise I won't get mad later. I wanna know what it feels like.”_

“ _Why?”_

_Anya shrugged, standing up and crossing the room, seating herself next to Luna on her own bed. Luna watched her carefully, biting down on her lip as Anya's dark eyes searched her own. Before she could process anything further, Anya's lips were pressed against her own, and all of Luna's feelings came bubbling to the surface. She pressed into the kiss, pulling Anya close to her and tracing her tongue over the blonde's lips. Anya let her in without question, and Luna's hand lifted and gently buried itself into her hair. As the kiss became more heated, Luna felt a bad feeling in her chest, and she forced herself to pull away._

“ _We can't, Anya, we... we can't.”_

“ _I want to,” Anya pleaded, gently grabbing the side of Luna's face and gently coaxing their lips back together. “We're both drunk anyway. We'll forget.”_

“ _I won't forget,” Luna murmured into Anya's lips, but the blonde just kissed her harder, and there was no going back._

“Oh, Luna...” Lexa frowned. She wasn't sure what to say to her friend. Personally, she never would've thought that Anya would ever sleep with a girl, drunk or sober. Knowing that she had, however, wasn't the strangest thing that Lexa had ever heard. “Have you tried calling her?”

“Are you kidding?” Luna demanded. “Of course I have! She won't pick up, or text me back. I even called her fucking parents, neither of which will pick up. I texted Lincoln, he hasn't answered. If my head wasn't pounding so badly, I would be driving around everywhere trying to find her and make sure she's okay. I don't know when she left. She should've been asleep for ages considering how much she drank, so I can't help but wonder if I fell asleep afterward and she left sometime during the night.”

“I'll try to call her,” Lexa promised, biting down on her lower lip. Clarke had left the bathroom by this point, and was laying on her stomach across the bed next to Lexa, doing something on her phone. She flashed Lexa a curious look, and then frowned in confusion. “Are _you_ okay, Luna?”

“I mean, as okay as I can be,” Luna muttered. “I woke up fucking naked in my best friend's bed, with very blurry, yet somehow clear, memories of having my head between her thighs. Then looked around and realized that she wasn't even still there. Ugh. I'm going to go out and try to find her, after downing some coffee. Let me know if you get in touch with her.”

“Sure.”

“Thanks.” The phone beeped to let her know that Luna had hung up, and Lexa dropped her phone into her lap.

“What happened?” Clarke asked, concern lacing her voice.

Lexa groaned, looking up at the ceiling. “Luna and Anya slept together.”

“ _What_?”

“Which is really bad,” Lexa continued, “because they were both really drunk, and because Luna is in love with Anya and Anya is straight... I mean, as far as anyone knows.”

“That's... dramatic,” Clarke commented, frowning. “Is Luna okay? Is Anya?”

“Luna will be okay, I think. Anya... she's um... missing?”

Clarke's jaw dropped. “What? Should we be looking for her?”

“I'm going to try and call her,” Lexa mumbled, looking down at her phone again. “Luna said she isn't sure if Anya left this morning or sometime last night after it happened, so she's worried. Rightfully so, of course.”

“You don't seem so worried.”

“Of course I am,” Lexa countered, “it's just that Anya's never really been a drunk wanderer. She's more of a 'find the right spot and fall asleep there' kind of drunk.” She quickly found Anya's contact on her phone and hit the call button, bringing the device to her ear. It rung three times before someone picked up.

“Lexa?” Anya's shaky voice asked. “Hey. How was your getaway day yesterday?”

Of course Anya would pretend like nothing had happened – she didn't know that Lexa knew, of course. “We can talk about that later, _where_ are you?” Lexa asked, sitting up straighter and trying to think of the best way to deal with this situation.

“Nowhere,” Anya answered quickly. “I'm okay, though. Did Luna ask you to call me? Tell her that I don't want to talk to her.”

“She said she woke up and you were gone. She didn't know if you left while you were still drunk or if you left after waking up. She's worried,” Lexa explained, trying not to let on that she knew about the sex.

“Well, tell her that I'm okay, but I don't want to talk to her. If _she's_ allowed to go off the grid for a week and not text me or come back to the dorm, then _I'm_ allowed to do the same,” Anya spat, before the call abruptly ended. Lexa's jaw dropped, and she pulled the phone away from her ear.

“She just hung up on me.”

Clarke sighed. “Is she okay?”

“She said she is, but she wouldn't say _where_ she is,” Lexa answered as she pulled up her text messages with Luna and quickly let her friend know that Anya was alright, just apparently not in the mood to talk to anyone. “Ugh. You going to the warehouse today?”

“I was planning to,” Clarke answered. “I need to finish the piece I'm working on.”

“Can I come? I won't distract you, it's just a nice place to hide away.”

Clarke gave her a soft smile. “Of course.”

* * *

“Hey! How was your guys' trip yesterday?” Octavia asked happily as Lexa and Clarke walked into the warehouse.

“It was nice.” Lexa flashed a smile at Clarke, who nodded in agreement.

“It was definitely a good way to get our minds off of everything,” Clarke stated. “Did we miss anything extraordinarily important while we were gone?”

“Not much,” Octavia said, but then a smile crept its way onto her face. “Oh, except that Lincoln told me that he's for sure going to New York with me. Honestly, I wasn't worried about him agreeing, because he didn't get mad at all when I first said that I was thinking about it. He said that he just wanted to make sure that he'd have the finances to do it, and he told me yesterday that everything's checked out and that even his parents think that it's a good idea.”

“That's awesome,” Clarke said, lifting an eyebrow. “So Bell's going to have to get a place with Jasper and Monty.”

“Up to him.”

“You know what I'm mostly concerned about,” Raven started, interrupting them suddenly as she walked into the room from the back of the warehouse, “where the fuck am _I_ going to live? If all the boys are going to get a place together, and Lincoln and O are going to live together, who am I going to room with? There's no way I'm lowering myself to living in a dorm again.”

Octavia chuckled. “Just move in with the boys.”

“Are you kidding?” Raven demanded, throwing her hands up into the air. “I would _die_!”

“I'm sure dying is a bit of an exaggeration,” Lexa commented, sitting herself down on one of Octavia's couches as Clarke leaned against the arm of one.

“Maybe if you two decide on moving, you can get a place with an extra bedroom and I can live with you!”

Clarke glanced nervously over at Lexa, but her green eyes were trained on Raven and not the blonde. “You wouldn't be able to live with us. We're very loud.” Clarke snorted with sudden laughter as Raven's jaw dropped.

“What she means by that,” the blonde added quickly, “is that _she's_ loud. I make very minimal noise.”

Lexa gave her an incredulous look. “Seriously? Is this always something you're going to deny?”

“You two are utterly ridiculous,” Octavia muttered, rolling her eyes as she looked back to her computer.

“How are things with your dad, Lex?” Raven tilted her head curiously, looking slightly concerned. Clarke didn't blame her, considering how shaken up Lexa had been when seeing her brother in person the previous week. However, since then, the brother thing had obviously become the lesser issue.

“Alright,” Lexa answered. “I mean, I think this next week is going to be his last in town. And Aden would've gone back home today. Apparently the reason that Anthony is even in town at all is because he and his wife are having issues. Leave it to the twelve year old to divulge information like that.”

“Wait, when did you talk to the kid?”

“We... sort of babysat him last Thursday,” Lexa admitted, glancing over at Clarke. “He's a really good kid. And turns out that he knows that we're half siblings because he heard his parents arguing about me. So Aden is hardly an issue. As far as my dad goes... I'm not really ready to have any sort of relationship with him beyond just acquaintance at this point. I haven't really forgiven him for everything he's done.”

“That's reasonable,” Raven said.

Lexa started saying something, but Clarke didn't hear what it was as her phone vibrated, indicating that she had a new email. She grabbed it out of her pocket immediately. She hadn't heard from her mom at all since the previous Saturday, and she was hoping that Abby had just given up and decided to leave. She willed the email to be from her mom, an admittance that she'd been ridiculous to come down to Polis, or something.

Instead, she saw that it was an email from The Bean.

Furrowing her eyebrows, she opened the email and read it over quickly, her jaw dropping as she did so. “What the fuck?”

“What happened?” Octavia asked, and Clarke looked up to see that the other three were all looking at her with concern.

“I just got fired.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me, I like cliff hangers lately =D Let's let it out all together ... "TORI WTF YOU HAVE BEEN WRITING ALL THESE CLIFFHANGERS I AM SO OFFENDED OMG BUT IT'S OKAY I WILL WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW AND IN THE MEANTIME WILL GO SPAM VOTE FOR ALYCIA" wow that sounds like a good idea, yes do that ;)  
> Hehe I'm jk but yeah I love you all <3 Thank you so much for all the support, and I hope you all have a lovely day/night !! x


	13. I Know I'm Pathetic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke deals with this new problem in her life, and Lexa finds herself having to tell both Anya and her mom some interesting information.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey my beautifuls <3 I'm totally blown away by your guys' response to the cliff hanger last chapter x3 I wish I could promise that there will be no more cliff hangers ever... but I have one or two still up my sleeve for this story. I hope you don't all hate me too much. I do give you daily updates anyway ;)  
> Actually, speaking of that, I'm about to finish chapter 19 and once I do, it will confirm daily updates for the rest of the week through and on Friday. If I manage to finish chapter 20 and 21 this week, then there will also be daily updates Saturday and Sunday. On Saturday, I will not be home at all after 5am, so if I do update, it will be by the grace of my amazing sister (with whom I will leave a saved note for her to type out as well as the summary and name of the chapter, etc...) I'll be home on Sunday after about 5pm, and at that point I will try my best to make sure that I have chapter 22 done if it's not done already. After finishing chapter 18, I realized that I have about 6 chapters of stuff to write, so it's looking like Tainted will have 24 total chapters. :D That means that we're just halfway =D I'm going to do my best to keep it all daily updates, so let's see if I can do it!! :D  
> Anyway, I won't keep you from reading any longer!
> 
> Enjoy!xx

“I can't _fucking_ believe her!” Clarke exclaimed, storming into Bellamy's room in the warehouse, seeing as he was the only other person currently there.

“Whoa, who are you talking about?” Bellamy asked, turning around in his desk chair with wide eyes. “What happened?”

“My _mother,_ if she even deserves that title, got me _fired_ from my _job_ ,” Clarke seethed, crossing her arms, “yesterday.”

“And you're only just now mad? That's ridiculous.”

Clarke threw her hands up into the air, shaking her head as she continued, “I don't fucking get it! I went in today to talk to the manager, who was _conveniently_ covering for me since they're one man short now, and told me that there's nothing she can do. My mom literally went to the higher ups who own the place and paid them off or something. I just... what does she think is going to happen? She's going to keep me from getting any job other than one that she finds suitable? Who the fuck does she think she is?”

“Wait, she paid people off to fire you?” Bellamy demanded, his jaw dropping.

“I don't know, probably! Abby is brutal, Bell, I've seen her go to great lengths to get things that she wants. Just, as a kid, it never seemed as horrible when I saw her do them. I mean, I was young and I never thought she'd pull any of her shit on _me_. And when she stopped giving a shit about me, I was content to never hear from her again! I don't even understand why she cares so much now,” Clarke growled.

“Maybe you should sit down,” Bellamy suggested, standing up and gesturing to the couch. Clarke absentmindedly took a seat, and he came around to sit next to her. “Do you think she's going to do anything else?”

“It's not like she can get my Etsy account shut down. I mean, I don't _think_ she can. I don't think she even knows that that is where I sell my stuff, so hopefully she won't try to touch it or anything,” Clarke breathed, running a hand through her hair. “Oh god, what if she tries to do something to Lexa?”

Bellamy scowled. “Then you sue her ass. Or take out a restraining order, jeez. Maybe you should do that anyway.”

“Actually not a bad idea,” Clarke muttered, leaning back into the couch cushion and sighing. “What am I supposed to do now?”

“Are you thinking about getting another job? Didn't it make up about half of your income on top of your art stuff?”

Clarke nodded. “I don't know, though... I mean, right now I have actually quite a bit of extra money from what my mom was sending me. I could probably use it to push off my art career even more, and then maybe I don't even need another job. I'm just worried that if I don't get another job, and the art doesn't end up being enough, Lexa might try to pick up some of my rent or something. And I don't want that.”

“Well, what about New York?” Bellamy asked, furrowing his eyebrows. “Will you be able to get a place there?”

“I don't even know if I _need_ a place there,” Clarke stated with a sigh. “And you know, all the planning that's going into it lately has been more of a stress causer than anything else. I almost don't know if it's worth all the hassle. If Lexa doesn't already know that she wants to go, maybe I should just tell her that I don't care and that we can stay here.”

“You should do whatever you think you need to do,” Bellamy told her quietly, “but don't completely ignore what you want. Lexa would never want to hold you back.”

“I know that.” Clarke pursed her lips, and then let out a breath and looked up at the ceiling. “But I don't want to leave her here. I couldn't do that to her, and I don't think I could handle being anywhere else unless she was with me.”

“Long distance relationships are real things, you know?”

“Fuck that,” Clarke hissed, tears welling up in her eyes now at the thought. “There's no way that I'm putting us through that. If I have to stay here for two years until she graduates, oh well, that's the way it happens. I won't leave her here.”

Bellamy nodded. “I don't blame you. So you really think that she actually doesn't want to go?”

“She hasn't brought it up at all, and anytime anyone else mentions it, she just ignores it,” Clarke explained. “I haven't brought it up again, because I feel like an asshole for bringing it up the first time at all, even though I do _want_ to go and at the time it wasn't like I knew that every fire from hell was about to break free.”

“So you're just not going to bring it up at all again? And if she doesn't either, then you're just not going to go?”

Clarke's face morphed into a defeated expression. “I don't know, Bell. I don't want to lose Lexa.”

Bellamy nodded. “I know, C. But if it's important to you, you should talk to her about it. There's no way that you could lose her just by finishing the conversation. I mean, Lexa loves you as much as you love her.”

“You're probably right. Ugh. Years into this relationship and I'm still having to get advice from _you_. When's the last time you were even in a seriously committed relationship?” Clarke asked him playfully, smiling shyly as her eyes finally began to dry.

“Hey, I was in a relationship with that girl Katie last year,” Bellamy defended as he crossed his arms.

“And how long did that last?”

“Shut up.”

* * *

“She's been texting me nonstop.”

“She's worried about you, An! You ran out early in the morning after getting plastered at a party, and now won't talk to her,” Lexa chided her best friend, as her phone started to slip out from between her shoulder and her ear.

Keeping one hand on the steering wheel as she used to the other to adjust her shoulder grip on her phone, she tried her best to still listen to what Anya was saying. “ – and it's not like she hasn't done the same thing to me before! I just need some space, you know?”

“Honestly, Anya,” Lexa breathed out, not sure of how long she could pretend to not know the full situation, “I think that you need to talk to her.”

“Why?”

Lexa bit down on her tongue for a moment, and then she gave in. “Because you _fucking_ slept with her, and she's _not_ okay!”

Anya was silent for a whole ten seconds. “She told you that?”

“Yes. And I _know_ that she wasn't the one who instigated it, and she really needs you right now. To tell her that it was a mistake, or to tell her that it wasn't... she just needs you to be okay. As many times as I've told her, she won't believe it until you're back in your dorm room,” Lexa insisted, pulling into her old neighborhood. She sighed as Anya went silent again. “An?”

“Why'd she tell you?”

“She called me panicking yesterday,” Lexa answered. Her brow was knit in confusion. “And Luna and I have been talking a lot lately.”

“I've noticed,” Anya bit out bitterly.

“Um, is there a problem? Luna is one of my best friends, Anya, and she's been going through stuff that she thought I'd be able to help her with.”

“Why didn't she talk to _me_ about it?”

Lexa inhaled deeply, her gaze catching onto her mom's house as she drove up to it. “Are you hearing yourself right now, Anya? You're avoiding her! And I know you weren't before, but you've been busy! If you want her to talk to you about things, why don't you sit down with her and ask her to have a conversation with you? It isn't _my_ fault that you haven't noticed her behavior recently, okay?”

The phone beeped, letting her know that the line had ended, and her jaw dropped. Again, for the second time in a row, Anya had hung up on her. If she knew where her best friend was currently, she might've abandoned meeting up with her mom to go and talk to her in person. She already had doubts about coming to her mom's place by herself anyway, but Clarke had insisted that she go without her.

Parking her car behind her mom's in the driveway, Lexa pocketed her phone and tried not to think about any of it.

A handful of minutes later found her sitting at the breakfast nook table in her childhood home across from her mom. Alexandria had made pasta – probably the one thing that she was actually good at cooking – and she had just set a plate down in front of Lexa. “Why didn't Clarke come?” her mom asked, frowning.

“She's... dealing with things,” Lexa answered weakly. “Her mom... um, got her fired from The Bean.”

Alexandria's jaw dropped. “Seriously? Can she even do that?”

“Apparently. I mean, it's a privately owned business with not a lot of strings and ties aside from the immediate contract, which really only guarantees a full week's pay upon being fired,” Lexa explained. “We looked into it yesterday, but today she went by to ask the manager about it, but I haven't heard anything back from her, so I'm assuming it didn't go well. She told me just to come alone so that we could catch up, and I'd imagine that she probably went out to the warehouse to let off some steam.”

“I don't blame her,” Alexandria said, her face setting itself into a scowl. “That's ridiculous. I have half a mind to find this woman and talk to her.”

Lexa smiled gratefully at her mom. “Anyway. Have you talked to Anthony again since last week?”

“No, except that he texted to let me know that it's his last week in town.”

“He and his wife have been fighting.”

Alexandria's lips turned down into a frown. “Did he tell you that?”

“No, I've only spoken with him twice since having lunch with him. But last week I ran into him and Aden – his son. And... um, Clarke and I babysat Aden for a few hours,” Lexa admitted, realizing that it probably would've been better to tell her mom about this sooner.

“Wait, your half brother? He brought him here?”

“Yeah, and Aden told me that his parents have been fighting and that that's why Anthony came down here in the first place. But then I guess he mentioned me to his wife, and Aden heard them arguing about me, which is how he knows that we're siblings. Anthony doesn't know that he knows, though. Anyway, I think that he probably has to go back by now, if he wants to save his relationship with his wife,” Lexa explained, shrugging.

Alexandria shook her head. “What kind of guy eases tensions with his wife by going down to where his ex girlfriend and other child are?”

“Beats me,” Lexa answered, realizing that she had barely touched her food and taking a bite. It was pretty good, and made her stomach grumble for more. “I'm kind of glad that he's leaving, though.”

“Lexa, don't talk with your mouth full.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, chewing and swallowing her food. “I'm kind of glad he's leaving, because seeing him around was really weird. Plus, I still need a lot of time before I could have any sort of meaningful relationship with him.”

“What about your half brother?” Alexandria wondered. “Aden, you said?”

“He was a nice kid. I wouldn't mind having a relationship with him at some point, but from what I've heard, his mother hates me. Which is pretty ridiculous. It's not like it's _my_ fault that I was born,” Lexa muttered, rolling her eyes.

“I'm sure that you could have some sort of relationship with him. If he knows that you're his sister, he must want to get to know you,” Alexandria insisted. “I guess New Jersey is pretty far from here, though, so it might be hard until he's older.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, speaking of the north east,” Alexandria started, frowning a little. “Your admissions counselor came to me this morning and asked if I wanted to put in a request for a pushed back date for your next year's tuition.”

Lexa's eyes widened. “Did you?”

“I said yes, because she seemed to think that that was what I was supposed to do, but I can't think of why we would need to pay later. You know that I'm going to pay for a large portion of it, so if you were having financial issues, you could've mentioned them to me,” Alexandria chided, looking pointedly at the younger girl as she took a bite of her pasta.

“That's... not what it's about,” Lexa murmured. Her gaze lowered down to glare at her pasta, mentally cursing the fact that her mom worked at Polis. Of course there was no way to keep the fact that she was trying to transfer to NYU a secret for long. “I sent in a transfer application to NYU.”

Her mom's eyes widened in shock. “What? New York University? Why?”

“Um, a bunch of our friends are moving to New York City at the end of the semester. Octavia is getting her master's early, and she thinks she'll have better opportunities in New York. Lincoln is going with her. Raven and Monty both applied to transfer to NYU as well. Bellamy doesn't have much keeping him here, so he's also going. I think Jasper, too,” Lexa explained, before pausing an biting down on her lip.

“And Clarke wants to go?”

“She does.”

“Lexa, you better not go to New York just because _Clarke_ wants to. She's years ahead in her life, so it makes sense for her to want to, but you are in the middle of your college education!” Alexandria exclaimed, and suddenly it felt like it was years earlier, her mom going back to the 'school is the only thing that matters' spiel.

“It's not like I just said yes!” Lexa exclaimed, sitting upright a little more. “I haven't even told her if I'm going yet. If I don't get accepted to NYU, I'm definitely not going, but if I do, I should at least consider it, right?”

Alexandria stiffed. “NYU is more expensive than Polis, you know. Getting in doesn't mean that you _can_ go.”

“I can still put up as much as or more than what I was going to to for my last two undergraduate years,” Lexa said, “and if I have to take out one loan or two, it wouldn't be the end of the world. I mean, unless you wouldn't pay at all if I transferred there, in which case the option of going there is pretty much off the table.”

“Of course I would still pay for part of it,” her mom said, exhaling sadly. “I want you to get a good college education, Lexa. I just don't want you to throw away what _you_ want for what Clarke wants. You two are _not_ one in the same.”

Lexa swallowed thickly. “I know that mom, but I don't know... maybe I want it a little bit, too.”

Lexa got home about half an hour later, cutting her time short with her mom by making up some excuse, because their conversation became awkward after the New York discussion. Lexa understood why her mom wouldn't want her to go to New York – hell, she was still unsure herself – but she didn't want to fight with her about it. It was her life, after all.

When she walked into the apartment, the first thing she noticed was that there were three empty beer cans sitting on the table, and she frowned. “Clarke?”

“I'm in here,” Clarke called from their bedroom, and Lexa immediately dropped her messenger bag onto one of the chairs and then strode into the other room. Clarke was sitting on the floor, leaning against their closet door. Another empty beer can sat next to her, and she was sipping her fifth with tears dried to her face.

“Clarke...”

“Hey,” Clarke murmured weakly, glancing away from Lexa. “I know, I'm pathetic.”

“You're not.”

“The last time I had this many drinks at one time was at my graduation party, Lexa,” Clarke insisted, “and at least that was because I was trying to have fun. I'm so fucking pathetic. My mother lost me my job, and now I don't know what to do so I'm here getting drunk. But I mean, it's not like I have anywhere to be tomorrow anyway, so may as well get pissed on a Monday.”

Lexa sighed, going and sitting on the floor across from the blonde. “Let's talk about it.”

“Why? So I can feel less pathetic about my drinking and just more depressed?”

“No, Clarke, because you clearly need to talk. You and I both know that you don't want to get drunk,” Lexa chided carefully. “Gimme the beer.”

Clarke's glossy gaze searched Lexa's weakly, and then she extended the beer to the brunette, who took it and set it down next to her. “I don't know whether I should get another job, but my art isn't enough to pay for everything I have to pay for. It's just... I'm _scared_ of my mom. She's awful, and I don't know to what lengths she'll go to mess up my life. Not to mention that since I told her that you and I are dating, she also has that on her mind. What if she tries to do something to _you_?”

“My mother would probably actually murder her,” Lexa admitted quietly. “She's pretty pissed about the whole situation. In fact, after your mom came here, my mom offered to talk to her if you wanted her to.”

“It would just get worse,” Clarke mumbled, looking down at her hands. “The only person I could think of who might be able to talk some sense into her would be my dad, but I haven't spoken to him in longer than I went without talking to Abby. I mean, he still lives here, and as far as I know, he works as one of the head engineers with the county and manages all the construction that's been happening in town. I'm sure I could get in touch with him pretty easily. But he might not even care enough to do anything.”

“If it comes to the point where you want to try that, we can.”

“What am I supposed to do in the mean time? Hide here and hope that my mother doesn't do anything else? I have enough money saved up, especially with all the money she kept giving me, that I could probably keep up rent for two more months or so, but I can't not decide what to do about this,” Clarke said, fresh tears falling from her eyes now. “Ugh, this is so fucked up. I'm so fucked up.”

“You are not, Clarke,” Lexa snapped, causing blue eyes to look at her sadly. “You're not fucked up, your mother is. Frankly, with someone as awful as her as your mom, I'm pretty proud of how amazing you turned out.” She scooted closer to the blonde and grabbed both of her hands. “Whether you want to try and get your art career going more, or get another job, I'm going to be here, okay?”

Clarke nodded weakly. “H-how was dinner with your mom?” Lexa's heart ached as she looked at her girlfriend, and she shook her head.

“Let's talk about it tomorrow. You should go to sleep.”

“You have class tomorrow.”

“Yeah, but it's not until after noon. We can stay in tomorrow morning, okay?” Clarke nodded in agreement, and Lexa stood up, keeping hold of Clarke's hands and then helping her up.

“I have to clean up,” Clarke murmured, but Lexa just shook her head and pulled her over to the bed.

“Lay down, babe. I'll clean up.”

Clarke nodded dejectedly, getting into the bed and pulling the blankets up and over her. Lexa watched her for a moment, her heart hurting, and then she sighed and turned to go throw away the beer cans around the room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Clarke :(  
> What do you guys think is going to happen?? Also I think someone said in one of the comments, as well as I was actually talking about it with my sister yesterday, but is Luna and Anya's ship name Lunya? I've never read about them as a ship and this is the only time I've ever written it at all, but I totally ship it so much and I'm thinking Lunya is the right ship name. I totally love it lol. I hope that Anya gets her head out of her ass soon, what about you guys? :-)  
> Haha well, I'm off to relax and maybe finish chapter 19 before I head to bed! Another day at the internship tomorrow, ahah. Exciting, right? ;P  
> I love you all so much, and I hope you all have a lovely day/night!! X


	14. Haven't Felt This Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa have a heart to heart, and then Anya shows up while Lexa's in the middle of having a conversation with Luna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A nice length chapter with some pretty important shit in it :D My evening at home got cut pretty short, because I had to run errands after work and didn't get home until 7, and then I had dinner and had some chores and didn't get to finally hole myself up into my room until 8pm. So after updating this and updating Pristine on FF . net, I'm going to probably just finish up Chapter 19 and then read fanfic and then sleep. I just found out that I have an Intern Demo on Thursday where I have to demo the stuff I've been working on in front of a bunch of the dev team, the dev manager and maybe even the assistant CEO so yeah I'm terrified :-)  
> Anyway I really like this chapter, and it was actually super nice to write haha.
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

“Fuck.” Lexa heard the word uttered quietly near her ear, and it caused her to stir a little before realizing that she was tangled up with Clarke. Her eyes fluttered open slowly and her gaze settled on Clarke, whose eyes were squeezed shut.

“You okay?”

“My head kinda hurts,” Clarke murmured. “Plus, it's early.” Lexa hummed thoughtfully, and then placed a soft kiss on Clarke's forehead before carefully pulling away from the blonde and climbing out of the bed. “Where are you going?”

“To get you water and a painkiller,” Lexa answered obviously, stepping out of the room and going into the kitchen to gather the said items. When she brought them back into the bedroom, Clarke was sitting up against the headboard.

“Thank you,” Clarke breathed out. She took the water and sipped it first, before popping the pill into her mouth and taking another drink to wash it down. “I'm so sorry about last night, Lexa. I just opened up the fridge and there was beer there...”

“It's okay, Clarke,” Lexa promised. “You were upset. I probably would've done the same thing. I'm not mad at you for drinking a little too much after your insane mother lost you your job.”

Clarke smiled gratefully at her and took another drink from her water. “Well, thanks for getting me to bed.”

“Of course,” Lexa returned, sitting down on the edge of the bed, almost on top of Clarke's legs. They sat there quietly for a few minutes.

“How was dinner with your mom yesterday? Did you talk about your dad?”

“A bit,” Lexa answered, pulling her gaze away from her girlfriend as she thought about her conversation with her mom. “It's his last week here. I told her that I don't think I'll be okay with having a relationship with him until I've had more time to get over what he's done. And that I wouldn't mind having a relationship with Aden, except that his mom probably won't want me to. When he's older, maybe.”

Clarke nodded. “I bet she'd let you if you asked. Plus, Aden really likes you, and I'm sure he's going to pester both his parents to get to see you more often.”

Lexa met her gaze and smiled softly. “That would be cool. It's weird... but also kind of awesome to know that I have a brother.” Clarke smiled as well, and Lexa look away again. “I told my mom about New York.”

Clarke blinked, looking completely caught off guard. “What?”

“I told her that it's up in the air,” Lexa continued, avoiding her girlfriend's gaze at all costs. “She wasn't very happy. She doesn't want me to go just because you want to.”

“I – wait, did you make it sound like that? I never said that I wanted you to go because I wanted to go,” Clarke stated.

“I know, but you do want to go,” Lexa countered, “and you do want me to go, so you basically did say that.”

“What do you want me to say right now?” Clarke asked, crossing her arms and pulling her legs up to cross them. “Do you want me to say that I want to go to New York City? Then fine, I want to go.”

“I _know_ that, Clarke,” Lexa insisted, standing. “And I _want_ you to have what you want, but I just want to make sure that before I decide to change something that major in my life, I also want it. This is hard for me, okay?”

Clarke bit down on her lip for a moment. “I know that, that's why I haven't brought it up. I didn't think you were talking about it to anyone.”

“So what, you thought that I was just going to ignore it and hope that it went away?”

“I don't know, Lexa, I guess so? You haven't said a thing about it, and every time someone else does, you get frustrated or you ignore it.”

“How many times has it even been brought up?” Lexa asked incredulously. “I've been thinking about this a lot, Clarke. I wouldn't just toss something like this aside, it's clearly important to all of our friends and to you, so it's important to me, too. I have talked about it with people other than you, yes, because I already know what you want. What I'm trying to figure out is what _I_ want. Because I want you to be happy and to get what you want out of life, and I know that you're a few years ahead of me at life and maybe that's why it's easier for you to decide that you want to do this –“

“I haven't decided that, Lexa,” Clarke interrupted, sitting up straighter. “This is something that we need to decide together, because you know what sounds a whole lot nicer than prancing off to New York? Being with _you_. Because I fucking love you more than anything else, and sure, while I want to go to New York with my friends, and with _you_ , I'm not going to go without you.”

“Clarke, the last thing that I want is to be without you,” Lexa agreed, finally looking at Clarke fully. “But I've always known that there was a possibility that being with me might hold you back. You and I _both_ knew that, and that's why all your friends thought it was a bad idea to start dating me when you did. And I don't want to do that to you.”

Clarke shook her head. “You don't understand what I'm trying to say, Lexa. _You_ are more important to me than anything. I don't...” Clarke's voice faded out, and she bit down hard on her lower lip. “I don't know what I would do without you, okay? There's no way that I'm going to New York without you. So it's up to you if we're going, and if... if you still don't know, just... you should know that... and I only know this because Octavia told me, but NYU's transfer application is due by next Monday. And if you can't go to school in New York, then we are definitely not moving, because you going to college is important, and –“

“Clarke...”

Lexa bit down on her lower lip, sitting back down on the bed and facing the blonde. Clarke met her gaze head on, and they searched each other's eyes for a moment before Lexa leaned forward and slammed her lips into the blonde's. The kiss heated quickly, as was Lexa's intention, and then she adjusted herself so that she was straddling Clarke's lap, and the blonde stretched out her legs to allow for it. “Fuck, Lexa,” Clarke groaned, “we need to finish talking about this.”

“We will,” Lexa insisted, pulling her lips from Clarke's and bringing them to her neck, sucking on her pulse point hard enough to leave a mark.

“Lexa...” The word came out as a moan this time. “I mean that we need to talk about it _now_.” Lexa just tugged at the blonde's shirt as she continued to suck on the skin on her neck and shoulder, and Clarke huffed. “Fine. But neither of us are leaving this room until we've talked about this.”

Her shirt came off in a rush, followed by Lexa's, and the brunette lifted her body off of Clarke's slightly to pull her down into a laying down position rather than a sitting position. She couldn't help wanting to feel Clarke underneath her right now – she'd been so stressed out by her girlfriend, thinking that the blonde could possibly leave her alone here, and just hearing the reassurance that that wouldn't happen was enough to make Lexa want to show her how much she fucking appreciated her. It was almost enough to just make her say yes to moving on the spot, but she still needed a bit more time for that, she knew.

So for now, she dragged her tongue down over Clarke's exposed skin, loving the sound of her girlfriend's breathing becoming uneven. When she reached the shorts that Clarke was wearing, she tugged them away effortlessly and looked at Clarke's center. She pressed feathery kisses along the inside of the blonde's thigh, and Clarke moaned. “Lexa...”

Lexa finally brought her mouth to Clarke's core, along with her fingers, with plans to make her girlfriend come hard and fast. She was spurred on by the sounds of Clarke panting and moaning, and it wasn't long before the blonde cried out with her orgasm. Lexa gently brought her down from it, and then pulled away from the area in between Clarke's legs.

“Fuck, we need to get into discussions about major life decisions more often,” Clarke puffed out, and Lexa couldn't help but smile a little before liking her lips and her fingers clean, and then moving to lay down next to her girlfriend. She waited until Clarke's breathing was even before speaking.

“Look, Clarke, I still don't know what I want to do. And I don't want anyone to be presumptuous about my decision, _our_ decision, which is why I haven't said anything... but I've already sent in my transfer application to NYU.” Clarke's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“What?”

“If I don't get in, it's settled. If I do get in... then I'll let you know how I feel, okay? This is really hard for me, but I... the idea is not so awful to me anymore. Luna thinks that I should do what I want to do. Anya was on the fence, but she's going to be leaving here in two years anyway. My mother freaked out, but I can't really blame her, considering that I'm still somewhat freaking out and haven't decided yet.... And _me_... I want you to be happy, and I want to be happy. And being with you makes me happy. NYU isn't a bad school, though it is more expensive and that's something that I would have to figure out. Plus, with all of the drama here... with your mom knowing where you live and your whole life here, it could be really good for both of us to move. We could separate ourselves from our pasts here, and start fresh somewhere together,” Lexa listed, almost just realizing this for herself. “Like I said, I don't want us to decide anything until we know whether I even could go to NYU, and I'm sorry that I hadn't already told you that I applied. I just didn't want to get anyone's hopes up, because at the time it was just a precaution, and I was still leaning more toward the 'this is fucking ridiculous' side of things.”

“It's not ridiculous anymore?” Clarke asked quietly.

Lexa shook her head, leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on the blonde's lips. “I'm sorry that I haven't talked about it at all.”

“It's okay,” Clarke insisted. “You needed time – need time still – and I understand that. And I know that the way that I first mentioned it wasn't the best way to go about it. I'm sorry for that.”

“We're both sorry,” Lexa summed up, smiling softly, “and I think now we can relax a little. There's no longer a time constraint, right? So we can just wait for my letter from NYU, and we'll see what happens from there. Deal?”

“Deal.”

* * *

“You know, I don't think I've felt this good in weeks,” Lexa said, lying on Luna's bed and staring up at the ceiling, a small smile on her face.

Luna quirked up a concerned eyebrow. “Your girlfriend just got fired because of her devil mother being back in town. Plus, you got to meet your kid half brother last week, and you actually liked him, and now you probably won't be able to see him for a long while. And your dad is going back to New Jersey soon.”

“Okay, yeah, Clarke getting fired is not a good thing,” Lexa agreed, “and neither is not getting to see Aden – though that isn't set in stone, and I don't even know that he would _want_ to see me again. I mean... it would be cool to get to know him more, but... I don't know, he still does provide me with a reminder of what my dad did. And as far as Anthony, I don't really care that he's going back. He should. That way he can stay with his current wife and continue giving Aden a good life, since he clearly cares about doing so for his second child.”

“Salty much?” Luna asked, smirking.

“Plus, I don't know that I care to keep up any real relationship with him, at least not yet. He hasn't earned it, and frankly, I think it would just weigh me down. At least until I've gotten over what he did,” Lexa admitted. She sat up on Luna's bed, twisting onto her side and looking over at her friend, who was lazing on Anya's bed distractedly. “Has Anya called you?”

Luna snorted bitterly. “Hah. No. But it doesn't matter. You forgot to tell me why exactly you haven't felt this good in weeks.” Lexa pursed her lips, wishing that Luna would talk to her about Anya a little more.

“Clarke and I talked about New York,” she admitted, despite the Luna and Anya issue. “I mean... yeah, we did. We just... didn't make a decision. I told her about applying to NYU. Also... I just feel way lighter about the whole idea. Clarke won't go without me – which I should've already figured, but I... I can't keep her from going. Can I?”

“Um... I don't know, Lex.” Luna adjusted her position, tucking her legs under her and looking at Lexa with a skeptical gaze. “If you want to go, you should go. If you don't... you should be prepared to tell Clarke that.”

“She promised me that I'm more important than New York,” Lexa stated as her gaze dropped down to the floor in between the beds, “but I'm still scared that I'd hold her back by asking her to stay. You know? New York could be amazing for both of us, especially if I get into NYU. I mean, I wouldn't go otherwise, but their psychology program is pretty good, and it would probably be easier to get a job there. I mean, there's _one_ psychologist office here, and how many people in this place even go to psychologists?”

“Are you trying to convince me, Lexa, or yourself? Sounds to me like your mind is already made up, and I think that you should do whatever you want to do.”

Lexa blinked, frowning. Was her mind already made up? Hadn't her mind brought up New York as if it were her future for weeks now? “Fuck.”

“What?” Luna asked, taken aback.

“I think you're right. I think that I actually want to go.”

Luna furrowed her eyebrows. “Is that a problem?”

“I don't even know if I _can_ go yet. I probably won't even hear back from NYU until next week or the week after,” Lexa muttered, groaning. “If I don't get in, I think I'm actually going to be really upset. I think I've secretly just been imagining all the New York stuff like it was actually the endgame.”

Luna laughed. “Obviously. You literally applied to a school because of it, and put off paying your next semester fees for Polis. This is something that you want to happen, Lexa, and you should go for it if you can. You and Clarke deserve a fresh start somewhere else anyway.”

“What about you?” Lexa asked. She sat up completely now, leaning against the wall and looking at the other brunette with a soft expression. “Looking for a fresh start at the end of this semester? New York is a place for everyone.”

“I don't know,” Luna muttered, averting her eyes. “If Anya hates me now, then maybe I should leave. But if not... I couldn't leave her. Whether we're friends or something else or whatever... She's going to be here for two more years, and frankly, I could get a good start here. It's a growing city, I could get and hold a job.”

Lexa nodded. “I agree. As for Anya... ugh, she's going to hate me when she finds out that I want to go.”

“She won't hate you. You two are best friends, aren't you?”

“Yes. I guess. She's just been... I don't know, really distant. I mean, we've been talking, and I've kept her relatively up to date with things. I think that she's mad at me _and_ you. I don't know what's up with her lately.”

Suddenly, the dorm room door opened, and Anya was suddenly standing frozen on the threshold. “Well. I wasn't expecting either of you to be here.”

“My class was canceled,” Luna offered halfheartedly, and Lexa just pursed her lips, looking down at her lap.

“Did I interrupt something?” Anya stepped into the room, shutting the dorm door.

Lexa stood up abruptly, reaching for her bag. “No. I should probably be heading home anyway. Clarke's been taking an off day after what happened on Sunday, and I should get back.”

“Wait, what happened on Sunday?”

Lexa crossed her arms, releasing the strap of her bag, and tried her best not to get too frustrated. “Clarke got fired from The Bean because of her asshole mother. You would have known this if you'd cared to be at all involved in society the past few days.”

“What, so I'm not allowed to take a break from reality, but everyone else is?” Anya demanded, her voice raising. “Luna gets to disappear for a week! You and Clarke get to run off to an amusement park! Everyone gets a break except for me! I'm sorry if I've been going through some shit, alright?”

“You've been going through some shit?” Lexa exclaimed incredulously. “Have you been paying any attention to anyone else? What shit have you been going through? You met a really great guy and are doing super well in pre-law? Poor you!”

“Guys,” Luna interjected, but it was in vain.

Anya let out a sudden, frustrated noise. “Fuck you, Lexa! I have my own shit going on, even if I don't talk about it!”

Lexa's jaw dropped, but before she could talk, Luna was stepping in between them. “Are you guys fucking serious? You're best friends, stop fucking fighting!”

“Oh, we are, are we?” Anya demanded, crossing her arms over her chest. “Last I checked, you two were pretty buddy buddy and I was getting left out of all of the important stuff.”

Now Luna turned to face Anya, and Lexa just barely caught a glimpse of the glare she wore on her face. If looks could kill... “What, you're jealous all of the sudden?” Luna demanded, her voice dangerously low. “ _You_ are jealous that Lexa and I are friends? Are you _kidding_ me? I'm supposed to buy that after all of the years you've spent not realizing when I was jealous over you talking about some new guy? I'm supposed to believe that... after you got me to have _sex_ with you while we were drunk as fuck, only to wake up and find that you were nowhere to be fucking seen?”

Anya's eyes were wide, and she stood rooted in one spot.

“I'm _sorry_ that I can't confide in _you_ about how much I fucking love you and how fucking oblivious you are!” Luna growled. “I'm _sorry_ that you're too caught up in your life to pay enough attention to your best friend, and to me, and I'm even more sorry that you're mad at _us_ for that instead of at yourself.”

Tears spilled out from Anya's eyes, but she said nothing.

Luna, still tense, glanced behind her at Lexa, who was also unmoving. “I... I have somewhere to be,” Luna stuttered out, as if just realizing what she'd said, and she quickly dived around Anya and left the room. Lexa's best friend's teary eyes met hers, full of pain, and Lexa felt herself break. She extended her arms and Anya was wrapped up in them in seconds.

“W-what?” Anya muttered, sobbing. “She... she...?”

“Calm down, An,” Lexa hushed her gently. “She was scared to tell you. She's probably terrified right now.”

“Why would she be scared to tell me that?” Anya choked out. “Oh fuck, she's totally right. I've been the worst friend on the face of the fucking planet.”

“No,” Lexa denied, carefully guiding Anya over to her bed and sitting them both down, “you haven't been the worst friend. I mean, you haven't been the best either. But not the worst.”

“Luna hates me.”

“She could never hate you.”

Anya pulled away from the brunette, wiping at her face. “Shit. You hate me.”

“No, I don't,” Lexa argued gently. “Talk to me, An. What's going on with you?”

“I-I...” Anya sniffled and avoided Lexa's gaze. “I-I had s-sex with Luna.”

“Yes, I'm aware.”

Anya looked up at the brunette with a hard gaze. “I had _sex_ with her, Lexa, and she loves me! And I... I don't know... I've never... _fuck_ I wasn't supposed to ever do that. I wasn't supposed to have sex with a girl _ever_ , Lexa!”

“What do you mean _supposed_ to? There are plenty of general rules of living, Anya, but forcing your sexuality isn't one of them. At least not in this country,” Lexa murmured softly, her hand resting on Anya's covered back and scratching it softly.

“I _can't_... I _can't_ be interested in a girl that way – in _Luna_ that way! I'm... I'm supposed to be perfect, I...”

Lexa frowned, recalling something that someone very important to her had once told her. “But you know that being gay, or bi, or queer or whatever doesn't make you any less perfect, Anya. Anyone who loves you will know that as well. Do you think that any of your friends care? Do you think that Lincoln would care?”

Anya shook her head, squeezing her eyes closed. “Of course not, Lexa, but my _parents_. _Fuck_ they would hate me.”

“You don't have to tell them anything. Especially not right now, An, you don't even have to tell anyone about your sexuality, whatever you find that it is. Just yourself, so that you can stop beating yourself up and internalizing all of this pain that you're clearly feeling.”

“I've messed up so many things, Lexa. And I've been so awful to you – you've been going through so much stuff and I've barely even been around. Fuck, and Luna too. I-I should've... I should never have gone out drinking with her that night, not after everything that's been going through my head lately,” Anya breathed out shakily. “I need... I need to go find Luna.”

Lexa bit down on her lower lip as Anya jumped up. “Anya, maybe you should just wait –" Before she could even finish her sentence, her best friend was out the door, leaving Lexa alone in the dorm room.

Lexa let out a breath, wondering if she should feel worried or relieved. She settled for the latter, though, because her best friends were finally speaking to each other. On top of that, she had made up her mind about what she wanted to do about New York, given the chance of course. Sure, not everything was perfect, but right now she happily stood up and grabbed her bag, ready to go home and cuddle with her girlfriend.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm I wonder what's gonna happen with lovely Lunya? Who's happy that Clexa finally talked? There will be more talk between them later... to be honest, when I first wrote the Clexa scene from this chapter, there wasn't any smut... but then when I looked it over it just seemed like it might work, so you know, I just went for it. Gotta take a risk every now and then xD  
> I HAVE A FUNNY STORY OMG!  
> So there are 7 other interns at the place that I'm working at right now, but only one of them is a high school intern like me. So we don't have our own desks like the college interns, instead we're stuck in this mini conference room, and today there were a bunch of meetings in other conference rooms so lots of the devs kept leaving the office. When this happens, usually me and the other intern (let's just call him M bc that's easy) kind of relax a little, ya feel? And since college apps just came out, he was on the common app and I was like, alright yeah I'll go start adding schools. So I added the 5 schools that I'm going to use the common app to apply to, and the first one I started looking at was Caltech. There's like a general section at the beginning of it, and one of the first 5 questions in it was "how would you define your current sexual orientation/gender identity?" It was an option question but I thought it was kinda funny that it was right at the beginning of the application. I said out loud to M "Oh that's funny, one of the first questions on the Caltech application is what is your sexual orientation" and he goes "oh that's cool." Then it's quiet for a sec and he continues "I think I know like... one bi girl... one pan girl... one girl who's asexual..." and I'm like trying not to laugh bc I couldn't count on two hands or even four hands how many gay and queer people I know. When he trails off the last time I'm like "well, you know one lesbian" and I point to myself, and he like immediately accepts it and just says "cool, good job".  
> I'm still not sure what he said good job about... But either way... Apparently I've done something right so XD  
> I love you all, thanks for being amazing!! I hope you all have a lovely day/night!!


	15. Are You Going To Open The Damn Thing?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa are very happy about their recent conversation, Anya and Luna have reconciled but haven't really talked, and some letters come in the mail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey beautifuls! A little bit earlier of an update today because my parents and sister are about to go to the store, so while I'm home alone I'm going to blast music and go on a writing spree to see how many chapters I can knock out - wanna make sure I can cover the weekend =D Then when I need a break I'm going to design some t-shirts for my fish this weekend (freshmen, not actual fish x3) and then I'm going to continue binging a fic that I started reading yesterday! I only have two more days of my internship, which is crazy bc it feels like I just started it yesterday, but at the same time I'm kind of glad it's almost over. I have so much reading to do for school - which starts in two weeks :( Plus, my college apps and whatnot. Omg I'm gonna die.  
> But let's not think about that right now! I have a long chapter for you guys today =D 
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

“Babe,” Lexa murmured, rolling over and colliding instantly with her girlfriend, “ugh, Clarke. Babe. Baby.”

“What the fuck do you want?” Clarke groaned in a whine, and Lexa didn't really blame her. Whatever time it was was definitely way too early for a Saturday.

“Your phone is ringing,” Lexa whined back. Her eyes were still squeezed shut, and she involuntarily cuddled closer to the blonde even though she knew that Clarke would have to move in any moment. “It's been ringing forever.”

“Forever is an exaggeration,” Clarke muttered dejectedly, and she gently tugged herself free from Lexa's grasp. The younger girl let out a disappointed whimper, scooting a bit closer to Clarke's side of the bed. “Babe, lemme just answer the phone.”

“Can't you do that while we're cuddling?”

Lexa felt an arm suddenly wrap around her, and Clarke's body was back to being entangled with hers. Aside from the blonde's left arm, she realized, and the annoying sound of the phone ringing suddenly went away. “What do you want Abby?”

Hearing her girlfriend's cold voice made Lexa eyes shoot open, especially once she heard Clarke's mom's name.

“Oh yeah, trust me, I know,” Clarke bit out, and Lexa pulled away a little to look at Clarke's face, which was void of any pleasant emotion. “You'll be glad to know, however, that your constant gifting me with money is going to be enough to hold me over until I get a _real_ art job. So thanks for that, if for anything at all. Oh, sorry, what was that? No, I think I'm losing connection. Oh shit, maybe I forgot to pay my phone bill! I guess that would happen when half your income disappears. Did you say something? I really can't tell. I think – oh shit, I think we're breaking up!” She pulled the phone away from her ear and brutally stabbed the end call button with her thumb.

Lexa immediately propped herself up on her elbow and grabbed Clarke's phone, silencing it and reaching over the blonde to set it down. “No more phones. It's too early.”

“I agree,” Clarke murmured, rolling back onto her side to face the brunette. “Good morning.”

“No, not good morning,” Lexa denied, frowning.

Clarke smiled a little and shook her head. “No, it is a good morning if I'm waking up laying next to you. I spent so much time in my studio this week that I feel like I've hardly seen you since Tuesday. I made us miss our Thursday night in.”

“It's okay,” Lexa insisted. “You had to get ahead on your art, I understand that.”

“Good news is that I sold three pieces on etsy this week, and got two new commissions,” Clarke said with a wide smile. “I've gotta do lots of painting this weekend for those if I'm going to keep up. I went wild trying to promote my stuff online yesterday.”

“I can't say I'm surprised. Your art is amazing.”

“Thanks, babe.”

“Wow, no comment about my _flattering_ you?”

Clarke grinned, and Lexa was slightly confused as to how she could be so happy even after her mom had just called her and reminded her of the fact that she'd lost her job earlier in the week. However, Lexa herself was pretty happy as well, and she assumed that their shared joy stemmed from the same thing – the fact that moving to New York was turning out to be a clearer picture, one that might actually be real. “I've given in. You're going to keep complimenting me no matter how much I tease you when you do.”

“Mm. You're not wrong.” Lexa nuzzled a bit closer to the blonde.

“How was your week? We haven't caught up much on anything that happened, I'm assuming that's because no more major life changes have collapsed onto us like buildings,” Clarke murmured softly, and Lexa chuckled quietly.

“Got steadily better. On Tuesday, Anya showed up at her dorm when Luna and I were there. The three of us got into this big fight of sorts. Anya's been internalizing all her problems lately, which is why she's been kind of shutting everyone out and ignoring what the rest of us have been externalizing. But it all hit the fan on Tuesday, and Luna told Anya that she loves her, and then ran off. Anya broke down and I'm pretty sure she's been having some sort of battle over her sexuality for _years_. It's rooted very deep, whatever it is. I think she likes Luna. Anyway, on Thursday I got a text from Luna saying that they made up, but she didn't specify what she meant by that. They didn't meet up with me for lunch yesterday, so I'm still pretty clueless,” Lexa explained briefly. “Thankfully, that was the most interesting thing that happened to me this week. Other than the fact that I found out that I got an A+ on the stats test I took _last_ week.”

Clarke released a loose laugh. “Are you surprised? You have a perfect GPA, Lexa, you haven't gotten lower than an A+ on anything.”

“That isn't true. I mean, the GPA part, that's true. But I have gotten some B's on some tests,” Lexa answered defiantly, doing her best to glare at her girlfriend.

“That's not what you should be bragging about, babe,” Clarke teased. “You know, Valentine's Day is next weekend.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Can I take you out?” Clarke murmured, her hand finding Lexa's hair and gently pulled her fingers through the curls, then scratching her short fingernails soothingly against Lexa's scalp. Green eyes flickered shut and she hummed contently.

“Yes. But you have to let me take you out the weekend after.”

“Why?”

Lexa opened her eyes suddenly, meeting a puzzled blue gaze. “Clarke! The nineteenth of February is your birthday, and it's on a Friday this year!”

“Oh right, that,” Clarke recalled. “Rae and O are going to want to take me out and drink.”

“And we'll do that,” Lexa said, “but I'm also going to take you out just us. Either Friday or Saturday, your choice. It's your _birthday_ after all, and haven't you always loved to be treated like a _princess_ on your birthday?”

Clarke blushed and feigned offense. “What! Never!”

“Come on, let me take you out,” Lexa pleaded. She batted her eyelashes at the blonde, and then smirked suddenly. “Then I'll take you back home and eat you out. You can be two different kinds of princesses for your birthday.”

Clarke's face was bright red now. “Lexa!”

“Or we could go to the warehouse and sex up every room there,” Lexa offered, wiggling her eyebrows. “I've always thought that would be fun. I bet Bellamy would have a heart attack if he found out that we had sex against the wall of his room.”

“That's... an interesting proposal,” Clarke commented, her own eyebrows lifting into curious arches. “But not Finn's room. That would be disgusting.”

Lexa grinned. “You know he hasn't had sex in there with anyone In like a year, right?”

“Doesn't matter. You almost had sex with _him_ in there, Lexa. I don't want to be in a place where that almost happened. Literally makes me want to vomit. I have stepped in that room a total of maybe three times since meeting you,” Clarke admitted as her face twisted up into one of disgust.

“Mm, okay true. So I can take you out for your birthday and then we can go the warehouse and you can use your birthday princess powers to kick everyone out so that we can have sex everywhere,” Lexa decided with a wide grin.

Clarke groaned as Lexa buried her face into the blonde's neck and nipped at the skin there. “I feel like such a disgusting person for actually finding this idea tempting.” Lexa sucked on Clarke's pulse point, and the blonde hummed happily. “Anyway, I don't think I want to be a pillow princess on my birthday.”

“You never want to be a pillow princess,” Lexa murmured, latching back onto Clarke's skin immediately and biting down hard enough to cause Clarke to squeak.

“Lexa! Hickey control!”

Lexa pulled away with a soft giggle. “Too late.”

“Fuck off,” Clarke muttered, though she sighed happily when soft kisses were being placed over her new love bite. “If I'm really going to be a birthday princess, I'm pretty sure that means that things have to go my way. So maybe you have to become a pillow princess for the day.”

“No.” Lexa bit at Clarke's shoulder, her lips having already traveled a bit lower.

“You're so stubborn,” Clarke whined. Lexa just grinned against the blonde's skin and then tugged at the tank top that she was wearing. “So needy.”

“Take off your shirt,” Lexa pleaded, pulling away to effectively pout at the blonde. Clarke gave in and allowed for the top to be removed from her body, revealing her bare breasts.

“Happy?”

Lexa answered by trailing kisses from Clarke's shoulder down to the crest of her left breast, and then down into her cleavage. She felt the brunette shiver pleasantly, so she peaked her tongue out a little, pressing it teasingly against the skin in the valley between Clarke's breasts. When she relieved little to no response, she pulled away from the two beautiful lumps for just a split second, long enough to distract her girlfriend, before suddenly attached her lips to one of Clarke's nipples.

“Oh fuck,” Clarke gasped out. “I thought it was too early to be up, babe?”

Lexa didn't answer, not wanting to distract herself from the task at hand, and she sucked purposefully on her girlfriend's nipple. It was only when Clarke was finally panting, her hands in Lexa's hair and trying to push her lower, that Lexa pushed Clarke onto her back and began to descent her body further. “Don't wanna be topped huh?”

“Never said that,” Clarke gasped out.

Once Clarke's lower clothing items were removed, Lexa pushed apart Clarke's thighs, pleased with the view that was awaiting her. Just as she lowered herself in between them, ready to taste her girlfriend, the blonde's phone began ringing.

“Fuck!” Clarke growled angrily. “Ignore the phone, Lexa, you can't leave me hanging.”

“Who is it?”

Clarke clenched her teeth, grabbing the device and looking at the name across the screen. “Raven.”

“Answer it,” Lexa commanded. Clarke looked down at the brunette incredulously, and Lexa blew cool air across her center, causing Clarke to moan and shiver. “Answer it.”

Clarke obeyed. “Hey, Rae,” she breathed out, and Lexa could tell that she was trying very hard to speak evenly. “What's up?”

As the other end of the line spoke, Lexa began placing wet kisses along the inside of Clarke's thighs, feeling her girlfriend's muscles tensing as she tried desperately not to let out any sounds.

“Oh, really? N-no, she hasn't,” Clarke answered shakily. “What? No, nothing.”

Lexa smirked, squeezing Clarke's thighs as she gently dragged her tongue over Clarke's slit. The blonde trembled, and Lexa heard the quietest gasp escape her lips.

“You should both wait for us,” Clarke suggested weakly. “Yeah, couple hours. O-of course. And no! What?” Deciding that the conversation had outlasted its use, Lexa gave up on teasing Clarke and went straight for her prize, pressing her tongue against Clarke's clit. The blonde, surprisingly, managed to not make more than a tiny sound, but then she exclaimed, “Gotta go Rae, bye! See you in a couple hours!” The blonde hit the end call button and dropped the phone, shouting, “Fuck, Lexa! I can't believe you made me answer that.”

Lexa pulled her lips away from Clarke's core, looking up at her. “What did she want?”

“Fuck that, Lexa, you can't tease me like that and leave me hanging,” Clarke gasped, her hips bucking and Lexa having to abruptly hold them down.

“Tell me while I work,” Lexa murmured, lowering her lips back down to Clarke's. It was true, there were a few times where Lexa was a pretty bossy top. It was usually a sign that she was in one of her best moods.

“R-Raven got her, shit, her letter from NYU,” Clarke said through grit teeth, “and so did Monty. They're g-gonna... _fuck_ , Lexa!”

Lexa smirked, pulling her mouth away from her girlfriend again and licking her lips. “They're going to fuck me?”

“Lexa,” Clarke whined, and Lexa gave in, deciding that this time she would allow her girlfriend to feel release. “They're going to wait for us to get there before they open them,” Clarke finished in a rush, and Lexa let her off the hook at that point, determined to make the blonde come with just her tongue. Clarke was already so worked up that it didn't take too long afterward, and the blonde let out a loud, grateful moan when she finished. “Fuck, finally.”

Lexa pulled her face away from Clarke's lower lips for a moment, placing a last, soft kiss over Clarke's sensitive clit, and then pulled herself back up to lay next to Clarke. “How come I didn't get my letter yet?”

Clarke's breathing was still uneven, so Lexa patiently waited for her to get back to normal. “Could be because of the programs you applied to,” Clarke suggested, “or just that their applications just processes faster. I'm sure you'll get yours soon. When did you send it in?”

“About a week after Raven did,” Lexa answered, “but I'm not sure when Monty turned his in, so.”

Clarke hummed thoughtfully. “You'll get it soon. When do you want to go to the warehouse?”

“You said a couple of hours,” Lexa reminded the blonde, fluttering her eyelashes. “That's plenty of time for a few more rounds.” Clarke let out a breathy laugh and shook her head, leaning forward and pressing her lips against Lexa's in a searing kiss.

“Very true.”

* * *

“Are you going to open the damn things or not?” Octavia demanded. She'd spent the past ten minutes complaining about the fact that Lexa and Clarke made them wait to hear whether Monty and Raven had gotten into NYU, and now was freaking out. Clarke found it rather amusing, but she was slightly on edge about hearing her friends' results as well. She found herself grabbing Lexa's hand subconsciously, and it was only when the brunette squeezed it reassuringly that she realized she'd done it.

Monty and Raven exchanged grins, and then both simultaneously tore open the envelope and pulled out the folded up papers inside. “On three?” Monty asked, grinning at the brunette, who nodded.

“Someone count,” Raven demanded.

Bellamy raised his eyebrows. “One... two... three!”

The two of them practically tore the papers as they unfolded them quickly and read the first sentence. “Yes!” Raven exclaimed, in the same moment that Monty yelled, “I got in!”

“Fuck yes!” Octavia exclaimed, jumping forward and grabbing both of them in a tight hug. Clarke heard herself let out a relieved breath.

“We're going to New York!” Raven squealed, hugging Octavia back tightly. “Oh my god!”

Clarke glanced at Lexa, who was grinning along with the rest of them, and suddenly felt her heart squeeze. When would Lexa's letter arrive? What if the brunette didn't get into NYU?

It was a ridiculous thought, of course. Lexa had a perfect GPA, and NYU would be fucking lucky to get someone as amazing as her to be in there psychology program. Clarke, however, couldn't help but be terrified.

Raven suddenly threw her arms around Clarke, who laughed and released Lexa's hand in order to hug her friend back. “Congrats, Rae.” Raven must've heard the twinge of doubt in her voice, because she pulled away immediately and glared at both her and Lexa.

“You're going to get your letter soon, and then we'll all be going.”

Lexa pursed her lips, and Clarke didn't have time to decipher what it meant before Octavia demanded, “Wait, what? Lexa did apply?”

“Yes,” Lexa answered, “but I didn't apply until after Raven did, and there are plenty of reasons that I haven't gotten my letter back yet.”

Bellamy gave her a supportive smile. “So are you going to go then? If you get in?”

“Um...”

“We haven't gotten that far yet,” Clarke spoke up for her, drawing her friends' eyes. “We're going to talk about it when she gets the letter. No point in making plans until we know whether or not they could even happen.”

Lexa nodded along, and Clarke could tell that she felt bad for having dragged this out, but at this point, it wasn't like deciding to go would even matter until she got the letter. “Well, either way,” Monty said, smiling fondly at the group, “I think we all deserve some celebrating. Who's up for the bonfire tonight? We haven't been to any since before break, and I think it's going to be some of – if not all of – our last years here... we might as well head down to the lake a few times.”

Clarke looked doubtfully at her girlfriend, but the younger girl was smiling. “Let's do it,” Raven exclaimed. “Someone call Luna and make sure she's coming – she still owes me money from the shots competition we had before break, and I expect her to either challenge me to a double or nothing, or pay me in full.”

“We've still got a few hours before it starts,” Bellamy stated, “so I'm gonna get some writing done. See you guys in a while.” He exited Raven's room, where they'd all met up to watch their friends open their letters.

“Just make sure someone lets Luna know.”

“Yeah yeah,” Octavia said, starting out of the room as Monty did the same, “you just want an excuse to get drunk as fuck.”

“I'll let her and Anya know,” Lexa assured her friend, chuckling.

It was just Raven, Lexa and Clarke in the room now, and Raven grinned at both of them. “Cool, thanks. Sorry for interrupting you two this morning.”

Clarke flushed, crossing her arms and glaring at Lexa, who just smirked. “It's fine.”

“I'm sensing a strange dynamic here,” Raven said, shaking her head and laughing. “Whatever, go do whatever gay shit you do in your art room, I'll see you guys tonight.”

Lexa grabbed Clarke's hand and pulled the blonde out of the room, and Clarke gave in despite her attempt at acting angry at her girlfriend. “So you're not mad that everyone wants to celebrate before we even know if you got in?”

“It's fine,” Lexa insisted, “and worth celebrating anyway. If I don't get in, at least they'll be able to sulk with me instead of celebrate and feel bad about it.” She said it like she was joking, but Clarke frowned anyway, slowing down a little as she followed Lexa toward her art room. The brunette stopped in front of the door to slide it open, and then looked back at Clarke. “You okay? I was kidding.”

“So... does that mean that you really want to go?” Clarke asked, wondering if she was pushing it by asking. “If you get in, I mean.”

Lexa sighed as her gaze dropped down to the floor. “I don't not want to go. I just... I don't want to say that I want to until I know if I can. I don't want this to turn into something to be depressed about.”

“Lexa...”

“Can we not talk about it?” Lexa interrupted, looking back at Clarke with wide eyes.

Clarke bit down on her lip and then nodded. “Yeah, sure. Do you wanna stay here while I paint?”

* * *

Lexa was sitting on Clarke's table, her feet resting on one of the chairs, as music played from Clarke's laptop. The blonde was in the painting zone, creating one of the amazing commissions, Lexa assumed, and the brunette was staring down at her phone.

**Group Message: Anya and Luna and You**

**You – Bonfire tonight, both of you are coming. Rae and Monty got into NYU. Celebrating.**

**Luna – Did u get your letter???**

**Anya – Obviously she didn't, Lu, or she would've said that she got in. Otherwise she wouldn't be going out to celebrate, because why would she if she didn't get in?**

**Luna – No need to be mean :(**

**You – Yeah, no letter for me yet. Are you two fighting or joking, I can't tell anymore?**

**Luna – Surprisingly not fighting for once :)**

**Luna – We're on good terms :-)**

**You – I don't know what that means...**

**Anya – It means that we're not fighting.**

**You – Yeah, I gathered that much, thanks.**

**Luna – It means that Anya kissed me yesterday but won't talk about it :-)**

**Anya – LUNA.**

**Anya – YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL LEXA EVERYTHING.**

**Luna – Why? She's basically my psychologist.**

**You – Whoa there. I'm not even done with my second undergrad year in psychology. Don't go crazy.**

**Luna – So?**

**Anya – Anyway, all that aside, will be at the bonfire tonight.**

**Luna – Same. But plot twist – ANYA SWORE OFF ALCOHOL! So she'll be my sober driver for once :D**

**You – Really?**

**Anya – LUNA! Again with mentioning everything?**

**You – What's wrong with me knowing that? I think it's good of you to do that.**

**Anya – Ugh. I do stupid shit when I'm drunk.**

**Luna – :(**

**Anya – Mostly stupid shit.**

**You – Wow, I'm sensing some serious tension here. Have you guys even talked about last Saturday.**

**Luna – No.**

**Anya – Nope.**

**You – Wow. Maybe you should do that?**

**Anya – Later.**

**Luna – :o) Yeah it's been a great week.**

**You – Well, are you drinking Luna? Raven says that you either owe her a double or nothing bet for shots from that one party before winter break, or whatever money you owe her.**

**Luna – Fuck paying her. I'll take the double or nothing. My resolve has risen! I now have a for sure sober driver, so I can get plastered!!!!**

**Anya – Yeah, like that's stopped you before.**

**Luna – Do you have to be so snappy? Gosh.**

**You – Okay, really can't tell if you guys are still cool or actually fighting. You should really talk things through.**

**Anya – We will. LATER. Anyway. How was your day?**

**You – You know, the usual. Sex with Clarke got interrupted by a phone call from Raven, then found out that everyone else has something to celebrate and I'm still waiting for my reason.**

**Luna – Why not just ignore the phone call?**

**You – Oh I did, but I didn't let Clarke.**

**Anya – You're an evil top. Now I understand why Clarke likes to be the top.**

**You – Hah.**

**Luna – Ugh, it's probably really weird how much I feel like I know about your sex life. Have I been living vicariously through your relationship with Clarke too much? Probably. This is why I'm never able to date anyone. I just want a perfect relationship like you have. Is that too much to ask?**

**Luna – What are you two doing for V day?**

**Luna – Besides getting the V ;)**

**You – Clarke is taking me out. She never let's me take her out for Valentine's day because I always take her out for her birthday six days later lol.**

**Anya – Aw, I wish I had a Valentine's date.**

**Luna – That can be arranged ;)**

**Anya – ….....**

**You – Hmm, I have a feeling that this is about to get weird. So I'm gonna go, and let you guys talk about your issues. See you tonight.**

**You – TALK TO EACH OTHER.**

**You have left the Group Message.**

Lexa looked up just in time to see Clarke approaching her. “Whatcha doing there?”

“Texting my ridiculous friends,” Lexa answered, setting her phone aside. “They've made up, but haven't actually talked their shit through. I don't get it.”

Clarke hummed thoughtfully. “Sounds complicated.” She rested her hands on the table on either side of Lexa, and the brunette immediately spread her legs a little at the proximity. Clarke leaned her middle against the table in between them, pushing them apart a little more. “I love you.”

“Random declaration of love? Hmm. What do you want?” Lexa teased, giving her girlfriend a skeptical look.

Clarke pouted. “Nothing, I just love you.”

“And?”

Lexa looked at the blonde expectantly, knowing that there was something else. Clarke bit down on her lower lip, and then she relented. “And my door is closed... I just restarted my play list... and I haven't quite gotten my revenge for earlier.”

Lexa groaned just knowing what was coming, and she suddenly felt Clarke's hands on top of her thighs. “Oh yeah? How do you plan on doing that?”

“I'm going to make you scream loud enough that everyone will be able to hear you even over the music,” Clarke murmured, leaning forward and capturing Lexa's lips in a searing kiss. Lexa's center was already aching, and her hands immediately found their way around to Clarke's back. Her legs wrapped around Clarke's waist, and then blonde responded by pushing Lexa backwards and onto the table, flat on her back. Lexa moaned as Clarke pressed her leg in between her thighs, and her body arched upwards as Clarke's hands began to trail over her body and tease the edges of her clothing.

“Fuck, Clarke, just take it off,” Lexa groaned impatiently when the blonde had moved her lips to her neck and still hadn't stopped to strip off the unnecessary fabrics in between them. She heard a low chuckle, which made even more heat pool between her legs, and then she finally felt her pants being tugged off of her.

“This table is kinda small,” Clarke murmured, proceeding to remove the brunette's shirt as well.

“I'd suggest the floor, but I'm pretty sure that it is not clean,” Lexa breathed out, “at least I know that the paint stains on this table are dried and that it's since been wiped down.”

“The only thing that really ever sits on it is your pretty little ass anyway.” Clarke's lips found their way to Lexa's chest, teasing around the edges of her bra and only removing the pesky undergarment when Lexa pleaded that she do so. Then, as her lips gave excessive attention to Lexa's boobs, her left hand slid into the brunette's soaked underwear.

“Fuck,” Lexa gasped, her body involuntarily lurching upwards as Clarke gently touched her. Clarke answered by pulling her hand away from Lexa's center, and the brunette growled, “Clarke! Not fair!”

“I told you, revenge,” Clarke reminded her against her skin, still pressing hot, wet kisses along her chest and then abruptly taking one of Lexa's nipples into her mouth. The action ripped a moan from Lexa's throat, and in the middle of the noise, Clarke's fingers met her center again.

“Fuck! Oh shit, Clarke,” Lexa panted, her hips rocking desperately into Clarke's touch. “ _Fuck_.” Clarke slowed the pace of her fingers suddenly, and Lexa let out a helpless whimper. “Clarke, I need you to touch me, please.”

“What was that?” Clarke asked, her lips moving back up to whisper in Lexa's ear.

“Please touch me, Clarke... please _fuck_ me,” Lexa begged, and finally Clarke began to move her fingers faster inside of her again, her thumb carefully giving attention to her clit as well. “Yes, fuck, yes!”

There was suddenly a knock on the door. “Hey, Clarke? You busy?”

“We are busy!” Lexa shouted over the music in place of the expletives that she instead wanted to yell out, aware that she was also panting. “Come back later! Or never! Thanks!”

“Oh,” the voice said, and Lexa could hear the smirk in the voice. She thought it was Octavia or Raven, but she was too distracted to even tell. Lexa was determined to keep quiet for at least enough seconds to know that the person was probably away from the door, but then Clarke abruptly hit the spot that she knew would make Lexa come.

“Fuck! Clarke!” Lexa exclaimed, followed by a moan, and then she finally relaxed. “Oh my god. Who was that?”

“Octavia,” Clarke answered, pressing light kisses across the brunette's neck and then up along her jawline. “Revenge is a bitch, isn't it?”

“You know,” Lexa murmured, pulling Clarke's face up so that she could look at her, “I can't say I'm really mad. Who cares that anyone knows we have sex?”

“Oh come on, you're not at all embarrassed? How am I supposed to get proper revenge?” Clarke demanded as a pout appeared on her face.

“I guess you'll never get it.” Lexa pulled down soft lips to meet her own in a gentle kiss. When it ended a second later, she murmured, “Also, I love you, too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick funny story and then I'm going to start my writing session!! So a couple of weeks ago, I saw an email about a payment process in my PayPal account, but I didn't pay attention to it bc tbh I didn't know if it was really from PayPal (I'm dumb apparently) bc it looked like a spam email, plus I don't use my PayPal and my card isn't even hooked up to it. Anyway, today I got an email from some random lady who was like "Hello. In July I sent you a $5 payment by mistake. Could you please send it back? Thanks." I'm like O.o So I had to spend like fifteen minutes trying to remember my password (which I couldn't, so I had to change it) and then I finally sent the lady her money back and I'm like... how did she accidentally send that to me lol?  
> Anyway that's all! :P I love you all so much, have a lovely day/night!!


	16. All I Really Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa, Clarke and the gang goes to possibly one of their last bonfires all together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somewhat short, but very sweet chapter :)  
> I feel like someone with rude magic came and sucked all of the energy out of my body. Which doesn't make any sense, because I slept for 8 hours last night and didn't even do a LOT of stuff today. I'm just so so so so exhausted. It's kind of frustrating actually, because I still haven't gotten past chapter 19 of this story (despite my attempt to write a lot yesterday) and 19 only ensures daily updates for tomorrow and Saturday, so Sunday is up in the air until I can finish chapter 20. Going to try tonight, and then tomorrow is my last day of my internship... I have to finish making some shirts for my group at camp this weekend tomorrow, though, and I have to be up on Saturday at 5AM... so I'm not sure how much time I'll have tomorrow to write. The goal right now is to finish chapter 20 tonight, so that I can have daily updates up to Sunday, and then next week I'll hopefully be able to write a chapter every day until I finish, and then the rest of the updates will be daily.  
> Honestly - I do LOVE being able to get daily updates to you all. <3 Also honestly, a few chapters ago, I sort of made it my personal goal to have this story be the first of mine to be entirely daily updates. So don't worry about me c;  
> Anyway I'm tired and babbling on haha.  
> (My intern demo went well, thanks to all who were wishing me luck :D )
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

“Is it weird that I feel like I've almost outgrown these?” Lexa asked, sipping beer from the red solo cup in her hand as she looked at her best friend, who had her own cup filled with water.

“No,” Anya replied, “I think I have too. Finally. I've wasted way too many nights getting just that, wasted.”

Lexa glanced down at her cup, swirling the liquid around. “So did you and Luna talk?”

“Yeah sure, we talked.”

“Anya.”

“What? I know where Luna stands – she's in love with me. It's a weird situation. But I don't... I don't think I can return those feelings,” Anya murmured, her voice drifting off.

“You can't, or you won't? I'm sure Luna would understand if you just _can't_ – you can't change your own sexuality. But didn't she say that you kissed her yesterday?” Lexa asked as a frown appeared on her face. “You clearly have some feelings for her, whether you want to or not. Just... don't lead Luna on. She's had a rough time lately, okay?”

Anya sighed, her eyes flickering shut. “I've really messed up, Lexa.”

“You have time to fix it still,” Lexa promised.

Anya shook her head. “I know, but... fuck I've been the worst. I know I already apologized, but I'm seriously so sorry that I haven't had your back lately. I think I got caught up in my shit, and yours felt like something happening off in the distance, you had Clarke and you were talking to Luna a lot and I... I got jealous and bitter and I'm sorry.”

“I forgive you, An.”

“Aye Lex!” Raven exclaimed, as she and a drunk Luna came stumbling through the crowd toward where Lexa and Anya were standing by the beer kegs. “Guess who owes me a fucking hundred dollars? This bitch!”

“I'm never doing double or nothing ever again,” Luna whined, reaching for one of the new cups and quickly filling it up with beer. Before she could take a drink from it, though, Anya grabbed and dumped it.

“I don't think you need this after all the shots I'm sure you just took,” Anya chastised, dumping the cup in the trash.

Luna crossed her arms. “Don't be such a party pooper,” the other brunette slurred. She reached out and grabbed Anya's hand. “At least come dance with me.”

Anya glanced at Lexa, who glared at her a little bit. Lexa was sure that Anya had gotten the message about leading Luna on, so she likely wouldn't accept Luna's invitation unless there was a chance that things could work out between them. Anya's eyes turned back to look at Luna, and she exhaled, nodding and allowing the brunette to tug her away excitedly.

“What's up with that?” Raven asked.

“It's complicated. So you got your double?”

“Hell ya. Took so many shots. I'm wrecked.” Raven grinned wildly. “Why you all the way over here? Your girl's stuck in a very weird, alcohol induced conversation with Finn. I think he drank even more than me.”

“Was checking on Anya,” Lexa admitted, “where is everyone?” Raven grabbed her wrist and led her through the crowd, and they finally reached the area where all of their friends were. Sure enough, Clarke was nodding along to something that a very drunk Finn was blabbering about, and Raven quickly released Lexa's arm to allow her to rescue the blonde.

“Hey,” Lexa murmured to the blonde, almost bumping into her as she tripped a little. Clarke looked away from Finn, who was still talking anyway, and at the brunette.

“Hey yourself. Where've you been?”

“Talking to Anya,” Lexa answered. “She actually hasn't had a single drink yet.”

“That makes one of all of us,” Clarke joked, sipping from her cup. “This is just my second.”

“Same. Your drinking habits have rubbed off on me, I'm never going to be as plastered as I was during the parties of my senior year ever again thanks to you,” Lexa said, grinning.

“I think that's a good thing babe.”

“Clarke! Clarke!” Octavia shouted suddenly, appearing next to them. “Some frat guy just gave us jello shots! Take one with us!”

“Hah, no thanks,” Clarke refused, and Lexa smirked.

“Lexa?”

“I'm good, but thanks.”

Octavia groaned. “You are both so _boring_.”

“If you don't want us here, I'm sure we can go be boring by ourselves,” Clarke teased as Jasper ran up to them with the jello shots in his hand. Octavia took one happily, gave Clarke a pointed look, and then walked off.

“We have ridiculous friends,” Lexa stated, realizing that Finn had disappeared somewhere and now it was just Clarke and Lexa in the midst of the crowd. “I feel like, way younger when I'm at these things now.”

Clarke mustered up the best glare she could manage. “You're telling me that? I've been out of college for two years now, and I am three and a half years older than you, so don't talk.”

“Okay but I'm like mentally the same age as you.”

“What does that even mean?” Clarke asked, laughing. “If you mean maturity, I'm pretty sure I'm _way_ more mature than you.”

“Ha, sure you are.”

Clarke just smiled. “You wanna stay for a while longer?”

“I'm getting the feeling that you're asking because you want to go home.”

“Oh come on, we're both way too old for this,” Clarke teased, winking and grabbing Lexa's hand.

“We can't drive, Clarke,” Lexa protested as Clarke pulled her up to the parking lot.

Clarke stopped as she realized that this was true. Huffing in annoyance, she tossed her drink into the nearest trashcan and Lexa followed suit. “So let's just hang out until we can.” Lexa raised an eyebrow, and Clarke grabbed her hand again, continuing to pull her up to the parking lot. When they reached it, they went over to Clarke's car. The blonde had driven them both to the warehouse earlier, and then to the bonfire, so Lexa's car was still back at the apartment.

Clarke pulled her around to the back of the car and released her hand in order to unlock it. Lexa shivered, realizing that despite the drink and a half she'd had, she was still very cold. “Did we bring any coats?”

“Nope,” Clarke answered, frowning. “We should've.” She opened the back doors of the car, revealing the empty car. The nicest thing about Clarke having a cargo van as her car was that there was never an issue with moving things – her art or furniture or anything – but currently, the back of the car was mostly empty. “Oh hey, there are some blankets in here from when we moved your desk into the apartment.”

Lexa grinned, moving past Clarke and crawling into the car. The way the blonde's car was parked, she could look out the open back doors and see the flashing lights and mass of people through the thin line of trees between the lot and the beach of the lake. The music was just a dull pulse, so the party still felt far away.

She spread one of the blankets over the floor of the car, and then leaned against the back of the driver's seat. Clarke crawled in after her, settling on the blanket next to her and then throwing the second blanket over their bodies. They cuddled together, listening to the sounds of the bonfire, and Lexa felt herself zone out a little as she watched the flickering flame through the trees.

Her thoughts felt scattered suddenly, in pieces all over the place. A couple of weeks ago, it had felt like her life was falling apart, and now she couldn't help but think that everything that had happened was for the best. Like maybe, things were taking a better turn _because of_ all the shit that had happened.

Clarke was the one who broke the silence. “Would you be happy if we had to stay here?”

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows a little, turning her head to look at her girlfriend. Clarke's gaze stayed focused on the trees. “What do you mean?”

“If you didn't get into NYU, and we had no choice but to stay here. Would you be happy?”

“I...” Lexa wanted to say yes, but something was stopping her. She wanted to think that she could be happy to keep life like it was now, but it wouldn't stay this way if they stayed. Most of their friends would still be leaving, and life would just be... different. “I don't know. Would you?”

“I don't know either,” Clarke murmured. “I'll always be happy with you, but this place is just... when I think about it, I associate so much negativity with this town. I had to leave where I grew up to come here, and this is where my parents' marriage went to shit. This is where I got plastered every night for nearly a year, sleeping with strangers and wasting so much fucking time. At the same time, it's here that I met all my friends, kick started my art career, and met you. But if I don't need to be here to keep those things, I don't know that I want to.”

“If we move,” Lexa whispered, “we can get away from your mom for good. She doesn't have to know where we moved to.”

“I don't want you to move just because it's good for me, Lexa.”

“Clarke,” Lexa interrupted, scooting closer to the blonde, “I have two main priorities in my life. School, well, my career really... and you. And if I can keep that school part going just fine by moving, then I want to move.”

Clarke turned her head to face Lexa, her blue eyes wide. “You do? Like, actually?”

“Yes,” Lexa promised, unable to fight a smile. “I wanna go to school in New York, where you and most all of our friends will be, and where you can be away from your parents and be advancing your art career.”

Clarke closed the distance between them, pressing her lips firmly into Lexa's. The kiss was soft and slow, tentative. When Clarke pulled her face away, she cuddled entirely into the brunette. “I'm sorry that life has been so shitty for us lately.”

“It's not your fault,” Lexa argued, wrapping her arms around the blonde, who was shivering. “Plus, I don't think it was all bad. I mean, yes it's all been shit and it felt like hell pushing through it all. But I feel like... I think maybe we came out stronger – that we're stronger now.”

“You're probably right.” They were quiet for a few more minutes, and Lexa felt a bit sleepy. Knowing that it would probably not be a good idea for them to fall asleep in the parking lot when the back of the car was wide open, she forced her eyes open and let herself start to get lost in the view of the hot bonfire flames. “Hey, could you help me with something next week?”

Lexa blinked. “Yeah, of course. What?”

“So I know that my mom is staying in the hotel over by that new office building. There's really nothing that she can do to me now, I realized, but I have a feeling that she's going to hover for as long as possible to try to scare me, and I don't want her to be here when... if... we move.” Clarke paused for a moment, taking in a breath. “I still think it's kind of crazy that she got me fired. I'm still not sure exactly how, and realistically, she could've been completely not involved with that. I mean, I'm pretty positive that she did _something_ , but it's not like anyone at The Bean would admit it.”

“What are you saying?”

“I'm saying that she can't do anything, but I don't want her to keep trying to scare me into thinking that she can,” Clarke stated, “and the only way I can think of getting her to leave is to get someone on her ass about it. My dad.”

“Oh.”

“I'm pretty sure that he still lives at the same place,” Clarke murmured. “I want to go talk to him. Will you come with me?”

“Of course.”

Clarke released a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” It was silent for a moment. “You know, he could've been a great dad. He always was, but my mother broke him. I wonder if he's still broken.”

“I guess you'll find out next week,” Lexa said, finding Clarke's hand under the blanket and wrapping her own around it. “Just say when and we can go. And you don't have to thank me for something like that.”

“Did your dad go back to Jersey?”

“I guess so. He didn't try to contact me again after we helped with Aden. I think he... I don't know, maybe he finally realized how fucked up it was to not tell his son that he has a half sister. Or that he expected me to not be mad at him. Either way, I don't think that I care. He can do whatever the fuck he wants. He might be my father by blood, but he's not my dad. I don't have a dad... I don't need one. I have an amazing mom, a bunch of awesome friends, and the best fucking girlfriend in the world, so I think I'm okay.”

“Flattery won't get you anywhere, you know?” Clarke teased.

“Oh shut up.”

Another pause. “So you don't think you'll talk to your brother again either?”

“I don't know. I'd like to. It was cool getting to know him. I've never thought about what it would be like to have a sibling,” Lexa admitted. “But I doubt that I'd be able to either way. If I don't want a relationship with my dad, and I know that Aden's mom hates my guts, how could I even?”

“I guess that's a good point,” Clarke agreed. “New York is closer to New Jersey, though. So if you ever do...”

“Yeah.”

Clarke pulled away from the brunette, and Lexa gave her a curious look. Blue eyes met hers, and Lexa was surprised by the emotion that she saw swimming in them. “Lexa, you know that all I really want is for you to be happy.”

“For _us_ to be happy,” Lexa corrected. “I'm not happy if you aren't happy, and I know from experience that you aren't happy if I'm not. We may be two different people, but we're so entangled at this point that we need to tread through everything together.”

“I think we can manage that.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all so much, thank you for being amazing and I'm sorry I haven't answered all the comments :( <3 I hope you all have a lovely day/night.. xx


	17. Are You Fucking Insane?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa speaks to one of her professors, and then to Clarke's mother, and Bellamy gets let in on the whole situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my beautifuls!! <3 After this goes up, I've gotta finish up my packing and then get ready to sleep - I'm absolutely terrified of waking up late when I have to be somewhere at certain time, so I'm trying to go to sleep as early as I can - but I finally finished making those damn t-shirts. And I finished my internship today :) Woo, it was actually such a long day, and I'm so ready to sleep lol.  
> So this chapter isn't proofread, I apologize for any errors c:
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

“Miss Woods, may I speak with you before you go?” It was Monday, and Lexa suddenly froze halfway between the seat she'd been sitting in and the exit from the lecture hall. Her principles of psychology professor, Professor Kane, was looking at her expectantly, and she nodded. She made her way over to her office, slightly concerned. She was easily one of the best students in the program, but she wasn't usually one to communicate a lot with her professors. She knew that she probably should, since it could help her make connections in the future, but the fact that her mom was a professor generally kept her from talking with other educators. They always thought of her as someone who should turn out just like Alexandria, which Lexa obviously wasn't going to.

“Yes, Professor Kane?” Lexa asked, smiling tightly at her professor as she stood on the threshold of the office, where he'd just retreated to.

“I heard that you're trying to transfer to New York University,” he commented, flipping through some papers on his desk. “I'm surprised that you didn't ask for any rec letters.”

“Yeah, I... didn't really think about that, I guess,” Lexa admitted. “When I applied, I wasn't even sure that I wanted to go. It's... complicated.”

“You want to go now?” he asked, seeming to find the paper he'd been looking for and shifting his gaze up to Lexa again.

“Yes. But I haven't gotten my letter from the admissions office yet. So I'm not sure that I'll be going. Why? Is there a problem?”

“Not at all,” Kane assured her. “Actually, I was contacted by the admissions office there, because they were wondering if I, as your main professor for the program you're currently in, was meant to be sending in a letter of recommendation.”

“Oh.”

Kane smiled. “I figured that you had forgotten to ask me, or some other reason, so I took the liberty to apologizing to the school and telling them that it would be a bit late. They pushed your application to the back of the stack I guess while waiting for it, after I pleaded with them a bit. If you want to go to NYU, Miss Woods, I think that you have every capability to. But I wouldn't want you to get rejected just because you didn't have a fancy letter with a professor boasting about how incredible you are.”

“Wait, so you wrote me a rec letter?”

Kane extended his hand to the brunette, offering her a piece of paper. “This is a copy of it – of course I sent them an electronic copy. You should be getting your letter soon. I know that we don't typically let students read rec letters – at least that's how it would've been when you were applying to college as a high school student, but I thought you might want to know that you have been an exemplary student, and I am so proud of you. The undergrad and grad programs for psychology at NYU are both better than the ones here, and I know that you will blow them all away.”

Lexa couldn't fight the grin that was spreading across her face. “Thank you so much, Professor Kane.”

“Of course. I hope you get your acceptance letter soon. Let me know when you do,” he told her confidently, and she nodded, giving him one last thank you and a goodbye before leaving his office. She read over the letter he had written for her as she made her way to the parking lot – she had work this afternoon – and found herself baffled by how highly Kane had written about her.

She suddenly felt far less concerned about her application to NYU, and a lot less terrified about the fact that she hadn't yet received a letter of acceptance or otherwise.

* * *

An hour before Lexa's first class on Tuesday, the following day, Clarke had already left for the warehouse. In order to completely keep her money situation as stable as possible until she knew whether to be looking for a job in Polis or in New York, she'd accepted about twice as many commissions as she normally would and had so much painting to do. Lexa understood, so even though she'd woken up that morning to Clarke already gone, an apology note sitting on the nightstand, she found herself mostly just being grateful that there was something for Clarke to do to earn money.

While she was in the process of getting ready for class, the apartment buzzer went off, but when she spoke into the receiver, there was no reply. Assuming that someone had accidentally hit the wrong buzzer, she continued getting ready.

When she was ready and prepared to head to The Bean for a quick cup of coffee and maybe a small breakfast before class, Lexa pulled on her coat and left the apartment. When she stepped out of the building and turned to go toward the parking lot, she came to face to face with a woman she immediately recognized.

“Abby,” Lexa heard herself say, freezing in place and blinking in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“I buzzed, but when you answered I thought that Clarke might not be here. I was going to leave, but I just walked back up, thinking that you and I could have a little chat,” Abby suggested calmly.

“I'm absolutely positive that that is an awful idea,” Lexa refused. “Plus, I have to get to class.”

“You're still a student? In your grad program, I assume?”

“No.”

Abby raised an eyebrow. “Then how old are you exactly?”

“Twenty,” Lexa stated flatly. “Not that it really matters. Now if you'd excuse me, I need to get to class.” She made a move to step around the older woman, but Abby quickly moved in the same direction and blocked her path.

“It's Lexa, right?” Lexa didn't answer. “Great. Lexa, look. I want what's best for my daughter, which, as I'm sure you'd agree, means a steady, paying job.”

“You mean like the one she had before you got her fired?”

Abby's expression tightened. “I resent that accusation. Anyway, you have to understand that me being here and trying to get her to pursue a better career is not something I do out of hate, but out of want for what is best for Clarke.”

“I'm really sorry that you think that what's best for Clarke is something that doesn't make her happy,” Lexa bit out, trying her best not to get too angry, “but as someone who has loved and cared about Clarke during the entirety of the past two and a half years while her mother decided that it was a best to leave her even after screwing her up as a teenager, I have to disagree with you.”

Abby crossed her arms over her chest. “I made a mistake leaving Clarke years ago, I realize that now more than ever. I paid for her college in hopes that she would switch majors, and when she didn't, I gave up on her. I see now that this was a major mistake – she's since not found a suitable, long term career, and she's dating _women_.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me correctly, little girl,” Abby growled. “My Clarke is not a sinner, and I think that you _know_ that this kind of lifestyle will end up hurting her more than not. And since I can tell that you do care about my daughter, I would suggest that you save her the pain by leaving now. I'll even pay for whatever that would entail – moving, school somewhere else, whatever it may be. Disappear. You'll never have an empty bank account again.”

Lexa's jaw dropped. “Are you seriously trying to bribe me to leave Clarke? Are you fucking insane? It's no wonder that Clarke never wants to have anything to do with you. You have no understanding of love or attachment – all you care about is yourself and your money, and what makes _you_ look good. Newsflash, bitch, I wouldn't leave Clarke for _anything_ , and there's nothing you can do to either of us that can hurt us. In case you forgot, Clarke is almost twenty-four, so I'm pretty goddamn sure that she doesn't need you in any capacity. So if you'd kindly like to fuck off, it would be much appreciated.” She sidestepped the older blonde in one swift motion and began storming off to her car. She didn't hear any footsteps behind her, but she didn't let herself exhale shakily until she was safely seated in the driver's seat of her car. “ _Fuck_.”

Her hands were shaking, so she took a moment to calm herself down, and then she peered out the car window. Abby Griffin was on the phone now, talking animatedly and loudly into it. At least, it seemed loud, but Lexa was glad that she couldn't hear any of it from inside her car. Surely, she was threatening someone about money or something.

“Fucking bitch,” she hissed out, pulling her car out of park and leaving the parking lot quickly.

* * *

“Wait, hold on,  _what_ ?” Clarke exclaimed, her jaw dropping as she looked at Lexa incredulously. They were in Octavia's room – the blonde was borrowing her friend's computer in order to do something on her etsy account, because her own laptop had just died – and Lexa had walked into the warehouse to find her there.

It was well into the evening now, and Lexa had spent probably too much time during her classes pondering how to tell Clarke about her mother showing up at the apartment. She knew that Clarke would be mad, but Lexa didn't want the blonde to blow it up even more out of proportion. It's not like her mother threatened to do anything else, and she obviously didn't convince Lexa to do something horrible. “Yeah, she just kind of... showed up. I ran into her outside the building.”

“What did she say to you?” Clarke demanded. “I'm going to fucking destroy her.”

Lexa bit down on her lower lip for a moment, and then relented with a long exhale. “She tried to convince me that the best thing for you is to get a normal job, you know. And she went on to say that it was a mistake to leave you, because you've apparently drifted way off course and, you know, became a sinner and whatnot. And she... um, I mean, that's it.”

Clarke lifted an eyebrow, and Lexa groaned. “What Lexa? What else?”

“She offered me... um, money. To leave you,” Lexa stated. “Up until that point I'd tried to stay pretty level headed... I can't actually remember whether or not I was yelling when I replied to that party, but I'm assuming.”

Getting up out of the desk chair, Clarke let out a puff of air. “Fuck. I know that she can't do anything, but it's just so fucked up that she's still here. She offered you _money_? Who the fuck does that? Who does she think that she is?”

“Whoa there,” a voice suddenly said, and they both turned to see Bellamy standing in the entrance to Octavia's room. “Is everything okay?”

Clarke let out a frustrated growl and collapsed onto the couch where Lexa was sitting. The brunette sighed, extending her hand to pull her fingers through Clarke's hair. “Abby showed up at the apartment today and offered to pay me money if I left Clarke.”

Bellamy crossed his arms. “You know, I'm about ready to go confront this bitch.” Lexa pursed her lips, looking down at Clarke, who was rolling over in order to look up at Lexa and then over at Bellamy.

“Tomorrow,” Clarke started, “Lexa and I are going to go talk to my dad.”

“What?” Bellamy demanded, his jaw dropping. “Why the hell would you do that?”

“He's the only one who's ever been able to reason with my mom. If I can just... if I can convince him to talk to her, he could probably get her to give up. Or something. I don't know. It just seems like the only thing I can actually try to do, other than take out a restraining order against her.”

“That's a perfectly valid option,” Bellamy muttered.

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Yes, but it would be such a hassle. I don't want to do something like that yet. I'm not... I don't know that I could. I just... I just want her to leave us alone. You know?”

“I'll go with you guys to talk to your dad,” Bellamy offered, sitting down on the other couch in the room.

“You don't have to do that, Bell. Lexa and I will be fine.”

Bellamy nodded. “I know that you will be, but I want to be there for both of you. Before Lexa was in the picture, I was your rock, C. And I don't ever want to see you fall as low as you did before you started college. I want to be there for you, and for you too Lexa.”

Tears were brimming in Clarke's eyes, and she sat up completely. “Thanks, Bell. We can... um, we can meet here and then head over together. We should do it after Lexa's last class, that way he'll probably be home, and we won't have to rush anywhere afterward. That okay?”

“Yeah,” Lexa said softly, nodding. “You've been here all day, babe, you should go home. We can stop by Chipotle or something.”

Clarke smiled, blinking back the water in her eyes and nodding. “Okay.” She looked back at Bellamy. “Thanks, Bellamy, really. We'll see you tomorrow.”

“Of course. What are best friends for?” He grinned a goofy smile at them and Clarke chuckled. “I'll see you tomorrow. Drive safe.”

Lexa agreed to pick up Chipotle in her car so that Clarke could just drive straight home and get comfy and pick a movie. As she drove, she realized that she was slightly worried about meeting Clarke's dad. She knew very little about him – unlike what she knew about Clarke's mom. It seemed like the fact that Clarke lost her dad was far harder for the blonde than losing her mom had been. He'd become someone else, basically, when Abby left, and therefore not a person who could be a father to Clarke. Lexa knew that that had to be much worse than what happened with Abby, and so she knew that Clarke would need support. Lexa was honestly glad that Bellamy was coming with them as well. Power in numbers, and all.

It was sure to be an interesting experience, that was for sure.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow, my amazing little sister will be coming onto my computer and posting chapter 18 for you all :) I'm going to save the whole thing as a draft, but she'll probably sneak in a little note after mine heh. Make sure to thank her!! :P Heh, I've gotta get ready for bed, but thank you all for your comments and kudos, they never fail to make me smile.  
> I love you all, have a lovely day/night and Saturday :) x


	18. Am I Awful?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa gets a surprise phone call, and Clarke sees her dad for the first time in about six years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY SATURDAY! I'm currently at a campsite somewhere like an hour away from my home - let's all hope that I'm not dying.
> 
> Enjoy!!xx
> 
> So, as you know Tori is somewhere off catching fish (hehe) or running from ants while Tainted is magically updating... GASP! Well sorry to disappoint, but I'm not magical (and Tori probably wishes she was so she can fly away and avoid all contact with nature...) Anyway, lack of magic aside, here is chapter 18! It's a good one :P  
> -Evie (The awesome sister) xoxo

**Group Message: Clarke and Bellamy and You**

**Bellamy – What time will you guys be back at the WH?**

**Clarke – I'm here all day.**

**Clarke – Lexa's class gets out at 4:30, so I guess we can leave here just as soon as she gets here.**

**You – Yep.**

**Bellamy – OK, cool. You guys want me to drive?**

**Clarke – Sure.**

**Bellamy – I can sense your guys' enthusiasm from here. /s**

**You – Does that /s mean sarcasm or am I just missing something?**

**Bellamy – Nvm.**

**Clarke – Bellamy's weird, we can't question his symbols.**

**Bellamy – Feeling the love guys, thanks.**

**Clarke – What are you guys doing for lunch?**

**Bellamy – I'm coming to the WH. Want me to bring you food?**

**Clarke – :o) yes**

**Lexa – I'm just gonna grab something here before class. See you guys later \o/**

Lexa pocketed her phone, stretching her shoulders tiredly as she made her way to the main cafeteria on campus. She actually didn't eat on campus very often, but the options in the cafeteria weren't half bad. Typically, if she did eat on campus, she would meet up with Anya or Luna. Usually Luna on Wednesdays, but Luna was conveniently not answering her text messages, so Lexa was going to buy her lunch and then head back out to the campus greens to sit by herself and eat.

Once she'd gotten her food and was trekking back to the middle of campus, she felt her phone begin to vibrate in her pocket. Figuring that it was probably Luna, she grabbed it out of her pocket and answered immediately. “Hello?”

“Lexa?” The voice that she heard made her eyes widen – she barely recognized it over the phone.

“Aden?”

“This is Lexa?”

“Yes, that's me,” Lexa replied, utterly confused as to how Aden had gotten her number and why he was calling her in the middle of the day. He was likely at school right now. “How did you get my number?”

“I've been trying to steal if off of my dad's phone all week,” Aden admitted, “but he hasn't been at the house very much since he got home. I think he and my mom are still fighting. But I got his phone yesterday and I had to wait to call you until today, because if my mom saw me on the phone with you she would freak out.”

“Wait, Aden, why did you need to call me?”

There was a pause on the other end of the line before the younger boy answered. “I just... thought that maybe you and I could talk. I've always wanted to have a sibling, and you're cooler than either of my parents are.”

Lexa relaxed a little, because her first thought was that something had to be wrong if Aden was randomly needing to call her. “Aden, I don't know... if that's the best idea. Your dad and I aren't really keeping in touch right now, and I don't even know your mom.”

“So what?” Aden demanded. “It's not fair that they didn't even tell me that you existed. When I heard them talking about you I thought that it would be a good thing, but then I thought maybe you were like a scary creep or something by the way that my mom talked about you. But then I met you and you're awesome and it's just not fair.”

Lexa finally sat down at one of the picnic tables in the greens, setting her lunch in front of her. “You're right, it's not fair.”

“You live so far away so it's not like I can ever see you,” Aden stated, “but I figured if I have your phone number then maybe we can get to know each other. Then maybe sometime when I'm older I can come visit you.”

Lexa inhaled shakily, wondering if it was strange that she was getting so emotional over this. “Yeah, maybe.”

“Unless... unless you don't want to get to know me,” Aden realized slowly. “Then I won't call you. I'm sorry. You probably don't care.”

“No, Aden,” Lexa interrupted, “I do care. I just don't... I don't want you or me to get into any trouble.”

“How could you get into any trouble? They aren't your parents. I mean, dad is, but I guess that's complicated.”

Lexa sighed. “I guess... we could probably talk sometimes, and get to know each other.” She really did want to get to know her younger half brother, but yeah, she was also kind of scared of what her father, and his wife, would say if they found out. She wasn't sure if there was any technical thing that she could get in trouble for, but she was scared anyway. “I'm busy a lot, though. So we may not be able to talk very often.”

“That's okay,” Aden insisted, sounding suddenly way brighter and happier. “I've just always wanted an older sibling, because a bunch of my friends have older brothers and sisters... I mean, sometimes they're mean, but other times they're not. And you don't seem mean, so.”

Lexa laughed lightly. “I'm glad you don't think I'm mean, Aden. I'm sorry that you had to go so long not knowing that I was here. I didn't know you existed either. It was probably weirder for me to find out about you than it was for you to find out about me.”

“No,” Aden argued, “because I didn't know anything about what my dad did twenty years ago. But you know that he hasn't been in Polis for that long.”

Lexa unwrapped the sub she had just purchased at the cafeteria, realizing that Aden was right. She really shouldn't have ever been surprised – though she supposed that it was fair to be. “I guess you're right.”

“So how are you?” Aden asked, and Lexa could practically see his wide smile. “It's Valentine's Day on Sunday. Are you doing something with Clarke?”

Lexa smiled. “She's taking me out to dinner. How about you? You doing anything fun for Valentine's Day?”

“Maybe,” Aden answered shyly. “I thought about asking a girl to go out with me, but I'm not allowed to go on _real_ dates yet, so I don't know what we would do. I'll probably bring her chocolates to school on Friday at _least_ , or else she'd never say yes.”

Lexa smirked at the way that twelve year old kids looked at relationships. If only chocolate was the key to everyone's heart. “Oh of course,” she replied, hoping that the amusement wasn't too evident in her voice. “Well, I hope she says yes to you.”

“Thanks, me too,” Aden said. “Most of my friends have girlfriends, so I kind of need to get one too.”

“Why? You don't have to do something just because everyone else does,” Lexa commented, finally taking a bite of her sandwich.

“I do if I want to be _cool_ , Lexa. I'm already at a disadvantage because my mom has so many rules for what I'm not allowed to do. At least if I have a girlfriend at school she doesn't have to know about it,” Aden stated surely.

Lexa frowned. “You shouldn't try to hard to be cool, you should just be yourself.”

“That's lame,” Aden insisted. “I have only three more grades before high school, which means that if I wanna be cool in high school I have to start being cool now. That's what my friend Evan's brother said. He said that I'm going to get squished by upperclassmen if I'm not cool.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “I don't know, I think being cool is overrated.”

“Well maybe that's because _you're_ cool. Oh, my lunch is over, so I have to go back to class. Bye, Lexa. Thanks for talking to me,” Aden said sadly.

“Sure, kid. Bye.”

The call ended, and Lexa sighed, taking another bite of her sandwich as she saved Aden's contact in her phone. Then she texted her girlfriend.

**To Clarke – Aden just called me saying that he stole my number from his dad's phone so that he could call me, because he's always wanted a sister.**

**From Clarke – Wow. That's really sweet, or maybe sad, or both?**

**To Clarke – Tell me about it. We talked for a while. It's so weird talking to him and thinking of him as my brother. Like... how did that happen? We don't seem anything alike either.**

**From Clarke – Well, you were raised totally different, I'd imagine. At least by different people.**

**To Clarke – That's true. I don't know, it was just really weird. Kind of nice, though. I don't really know what to think about it.**

**From Clarke – If you want my opinion, don't over think it. We have enough to think about lately. Maybe just let it be for now, you know? :)**

**To Clarke – You're right. ^.^ Well, I have to finish eating and then head to my next class, so I'll see you later at the warehouse. Love you.**

**From Clarke – Love you. X**

* * *

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Clarke groaned, pacing through Octavia's room as she'd been doing for the past ten minutes. She was sure that the brunette was only allowing it because she knew how stressed out Clarke was, but she knew that Octavia had to be annoyed. She just really couldn't sit still. “What if he still really just doesn't care? Oh my god this is a bad idea.”

“No, Clarke, it's not,” Octavia insisted, keeping her eyes on her computer. “You're strong, and brave, and you can face your dad. Especially with Lexa and Bellamy with you, okay? So calm down before you wear a hole in my floor.”

“It's not like you'll need this floor for much longer,” Clarke muttered, crossing her arms tightly over her chest. “Oh my god, I didn't even think about the fact that moving means leaving this place. That's... actually really depressing.”

“It's just a building,” Octavia stated, shrugging.

“Yeah, but it's like our second home. A place where we can all relax and hang out and do what we love to do. And it's all so personal now. Do you think Finn will keep it?”

“Well, he uses it all the time, and it's not like we're making payments on it or anything. I'm sure he will. If New York is a bust, we'll have something to come back to,” Octavia teased. “Now, why don't you sit down? Lexa will be here soon, right?”

“Yeah,” Clarke murmured, forcing her feet to stop moving and seating herself. Bellamy suddenly appeared from the back of the warehouse, where he'd excused himself to go to the bathroom a couple of minutes earlier.

“Oh wow, Clarke is actually sitting still.”

Octavia smirked. “Thanks to me.”

“You know that it's going to be okay, right Clarke? No matter what happens, you'll have me and Lexa with you, and you're stronger than you were the last time you had to deal with him,” Bellamy promised her. Clarke nodded gratefully, blowing out a long breath just as footsteps could be heard entering the warehouse. Lexa walked into the room and immediately looked to Clarke.

“Waiting for me?” she asked, realizing that everyone was looking at her now.

“Yeah. Octavia just saved Clarke from pacing a hole into the floor,” Bellamy stated, looking pointedly at the blonde. “She's been pacing for like half an hour.”

Clarke frowned self consciously. “Yeah, whatever. Let's go, before I decide that this is an awful idea and lock myself in the bathroom or something.” She stood up and took in a shaky breath, going to Lexa and latching onto her hand. She was aware that she was squeezing it, but the brunette didn't complain. They gave Octavia a quick goodbye and then followed Bellamy out to his car.

The ride to Clarke's old home was silent. On one hand, it felt like she had no attachment to the location, since she hadn't grown up in the house, but she had spent almost four years there, and while the early memories in it weren't too bad, the last ones were dark and unhappy. Sure enough, when they drove into the neighborhood and Bellamy pulled his car up along the curb, Clarke felt her stomach plummet when she saw the house.

“I'm gonna be sick,” she muttered, squeezing her eyes shut. She knew what the problem was. There was no way that she'd be this shaken up about seeing the house if she'd talked about all of it more. Frankly, she hated discussing her parents. She hated thinking about the effect they'd had on her, and she despised the idea of trying to make amends with them. She knew that that would never happen with her mom, but she thought that her dad might try to go there, and she didn't want to. She didn't want the pain that would ultimately come with it. She wanted to avoid her parents at all costs. She didn't need them, anyway.

“You ready?” Lexa asked her quietly a moment later, and Clarke exhaled slowly, nodding. They got out of the car and started up the driveway, where a car was a parked, and then up the sidewalk and to the front door. Clarke's hand was shaking, and when she didn't move to ring the doorbell, Bellamy did for her.

They could hear the sound echo through the house, and then there was a slight rustle of sound that could be heard. It was about ten seconds later that the door opened, and Clarke was sure that it was the longest ten seconds of her life.

When her father stood directly in front of her, Clarke couldn't speak. His eyes were wide, and so were hers. He looked the same as he had years earlier, though his hair had gone a bit more gray. “Clarke...” Jake seemed completely shocked, like he thought he'd never see Clarke again, at least not by either of their choice. “It's been... a while.”

Clarke nodded. “Hi. Yeah. Um.” She swallowed thickly, and Lexa squeezed her hand tightly. She hadn't realized that she was still holding it. “This is Lexa and this is Bellamy. We were wondering if we could... um, I need to talk to you about something.”

Jake blinked, looking at Lexa and then at Bellamy. “Yeah, of course. Come in, please. It's nice to meet you two, I'm Jake.” As he stepped back to let them in, he extended a hand to shake Bellamy's. He hesitated, and then shook Jake's hand, and Lexa did the same. Clarke swallowed thickly as they entered the house, and Jake led them back into the dining room, where he asked them to please sit and wondered if they wanted tea or water or anything. They all politely refused. When all four of them were seated, Jake looked curiously at Clarke and her two companions. “So, you are some of Clarke's... friends?”

Clarke didn't really want to do the chit chat thing, but she figured that introductions were simple enough. “Lexa is my girlfriend,” she answered quickly, “and Bellamy is our friend.”

Jake nodded slowly, absorbing the information. “Well, it's nice to meet you two. And it's nice to see you, Clarke. I didn't think you'd ever show up at my doorstep. Not that I ever deserve you doing so, all things considered. But of course, if you need something, you're welcome to ask.”

Clarke bit down on the inside of her lip, trying to analyze her father. He was different now, almost like a hybrid between the man she knew him as when she was a kid, and the hollow man that her mother had created. It was almost like he was slowly becoming himself again. But not exactly the same. “Abby came back into town a couple of weeks ago,” Clarke stated, deciding that she might as well just get to the point. Jake frowned, as if expecting where this was going. “She, ah, has been sending me money, trying to get me to switch career paths. At the time, I was working at The Bean and doing art on the side. She suddenly decided that that was unacceptable.”

“That definitely sounds like her.”

“She... um, I'm pretty sure that she got me fired from The Bean. It was really random, with no explanation, and she's the only one I can think of who would be responsible. But that's okay, because I can focus more on my art now, and there's... well, there's a chance that me and Lexa and our friends will be moving to New York in a few months,” Clarke summed up briefly. “I was going to just let her be until then, but she... a couple of days ago she approached Lexa and tried to pay her to leave Polis, and me.”

Jake's eyebrows came together as he scowled. “Abby is... well, she's something I guess. What does this have to do with me? I haven't spoken to Abby since the day that she moved to Washington DC, Clarke.”

“I know that,” Clarke said quickly. She felt bad, all of the sudden, for asking anything from her father regarding her mother. The last thing she wanted was for her to destroy him again, but she had nowhere else to go about it. “I was just... I thought that maybe you could get her to leave again.”

“You mean that I made her left the first time?” Jake asked, his voice suddenly more cold and closed off than before.

“No, no, that's not... I meant more like...” Clarke's voice trailed off, surprised by Jake's sudden change in demeanor, but Lexa was speaking suddenly.

“Clarke was thinking that maybe you could talk to her, and possibly reason with her enough to get her to leave us alone,” Lexa explained, “because you seem to be the only one who's ever been able to really get through to her.”

“Yeah, and I did that for eighteen years before it all fell apart,” Jake snapped. Immediately, though, he shook his head and sighed. “I'm not sure how much help I could be to you, Clarke. Your mother won't listen to me.”

“Could you try? Email her at the least? I could give you her email,” Clarke pleaded. “I just... I don't want her to try to hurt me or Lexa anymore, and I don't want her to be here if and when we move. I don't want her to know where and when I'm going.”

Jake searched Clarke's face carefully, and then sighed. “I guess I could try that. Go ahead and give me her email,” he agreed, grabbing his phone from his pocket and opening up his contact book. He handed the phone to Clarke, who quickly typed in the email that her mom had been using to contact her.

“Thank you,” Clarke breathed out, relieved. “I'm really sorry to bother you with it. It's just... I didn't... I couldn't think of anywhere else to go for help with her, other than a courthouse to take out a restraining order. And I wouldn't want to do that unless it was absolutely necessary.”

Jake nodded in understanding. “You're welcome.” Silence fell over the table, and Clarke wondered briefly how to get out of this situation. Before she could come up with anything, Jake was talking again. “Would you be interested in taking my number? In case you ever want to call. We could... I don't know, reconnect again? I feel so bad about what happened years ago.”

Clarke clenched her teeth. One piece of her was filled with guilt, telling her to agree and to take his number – it's not like she would _have_ to call it later. But she'd come into this telling herself that she wouldn't, and she knew that she didn't want to. It wasn't fair to give Jake false hope. “No, thank you. I'm sorry, dad, but... I can't. I'm finally happy,” she admitted, squeezing Lexa's hand now, “and there are so many things going on in my life right now that I just... I can't. Not right now. Maybe not ever.”

Jake's lips turned down into a frown as he nodded. “I... I understand, Clarke. But if you ever do... my door is always open. It always will be. I'm sorry for being such a shit father when your mother left. It wasn't fair to you.”

“Thanks for apologizing,” Clarke replied, though she wouldn't give him any false words like that she forgave him, or that it was okay, because it wasn't and she didn't. “We should probably head out.”

Jake stood first, and the three of them followed suit. Bellamy offered him a polite goodbye, and Lexa did as well, and Clarke just nodded weakly. At this point, her knees felt weak and she wanted to curl up in her bed and sleep.

As they walked away from the house and to Bellamy's car, Clarke leaned against Lexa gratefully. “Fuck. That was so fucking hard.”

They didn't talk about it at all on the ride back to the warehouse, and when they got there and switched cars, it was still silent. Lexa offered to drive Clarke back to the warehouse in the morning to get her car, so that Clarke wouldn't have to drive home tonight, so they ended up back at the apartment together within the next twenty minutes.

Clarke was set on immediately changing into pajamas, but once her clothing was off, she couldn't gather the energy to put on anymore. She fell naked into her bed after quickly brushing her teeth and washing her face, and Lexa came to sit next to her.

“Do you want to talk about it right now?”

“Not really,” Clarke murmured honestly.

“Okay. I just want you to know that you're really brave, and I'm proud of you,” Lexa told her softly.

“Am I awful for feeling guilty that I didn't take his number? Or should I have taken it?”

Lexa shook her head. “You don't owe him anything, Clarke. He hurt you, and it's your choice whether to keep in touch with him. You are so amazing and strong without him or your mom, and if you don't need or want him in your life, then he doesn't have to be there. It's your life, after all.”

Clarke smiled. “Thanks, Lexa.”

“Of course. You going to sleep? Did you eat anything?”

“I had lunch and then a snack about an hour before we left. I'll be fine. I really want to just sleep.” Clarke pulled the blankets around her and cuddled into them. “You have homework?”

Lexa nodded. “Yeah. And I'm going to go grab the mail, too, I forgot on Monday.”

* * *

Clarke was already drifting off to sleep by that point, and Lexa quietly exited the apartment and went down to the mailboxes downstairs. She unlocked theirs and grabbed the small pile of mail, quickly making her way back upstairs afterward. She flipped through the letters, most of which were junk mail, until she saw an envelope labeled  **NYU** in big letters.

“Holy fuck.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I PROBABLY HAVEN'T READ ALL YOUR COMMENTS FROM THE LAST CHAPTER BUT I LOVE THEM ALL ANYWAY JUST LIKE I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH :) Sorry for no long note - obviously I'm writing this ahead of time and well... notes just come naturally to me in the moment and this isn't the same. XD Anyway, I love you all, have a lovely day/night!!
> 
> As everyone can tell, notes definitely do not come naturally to me, so it's a good thing I don't do this regularly... heh...   
> Anyway, BYE LOVELY HUMANS!! <3   
> -The awesome sister


	19. That's My Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa opens her NYU letter and the week proceeds accordingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS! I LIVED!  
> I actually had some service while I was at the campsite (which was about an hour and a half from where I live), but I didn't get to get on my phone much and in the cabins, there was absolutely no service. But I got to read all your reviews before I got home, and actually also went and read my sister's notes on the last chapter during lunch, about half an hour after she posted it haha. :D You guys are so sweet, my sister was smiling all cutely when I told her that you guys were all thanking her and saying she's awesome :D Trust me, she knows, I gave her a hug for you all haha. Actually it's so insane that she and I ended up not only getting along so well, but being interested in so many similar things. Like, asking any of my older siblings to update this for me would've been weird AF xD Anyway!
> 
> TIME TO RELIEVE YOU OF THE CLIFFHANGER!!  
> Enjoy!!xx

Lexa got no sleep that night. After going through the mail the night before, she'd set her NYU letter neatly on the table and escaped to the bedroom, changing and readying herself for bed. She wasn't sure if she wanted to be alone when she opened it, but she definitely wanted Clarke to at least know that she was going to open it before she did. Or maybe she didn't care. She wasn't exactly sure why she didn't tear it open right away.

When opening her acceptance letter to Polis years earlier, she'd wanted to be alone, and she took incredibly long to get herself to finally read whether or not she'd gotten in. This time, maybe the weight of the result felt too heavy for her to do it by herself. Once she'd decided not to open it that night, though, she'd crawled into bed next to her sleeping girlfriend and tried her best to drift off to sleep.

She failed miserably. She tossed and turned far too much, nearly waking Clarke up sometime around two in the morning. Every time she would almost drift off to sleep, she would jerk awake again. Green eyes found themselves staring at the door, wondering if she should just give up and go open the letter.

Her resolve was too strong to, however, so finally at around five in the morning, she cuddled into her girlfriend, burying her face in the blonde's neck, and fell asleep like that.

It was only a few hours later that she felt kisses being peppered across her neck and her cheek, and she slowly woke up. “Mm?”

“Hey, you didn't open this last night?” Clarke murmured, and Lexa realized that she was now fully clothed and laying down next to Lexa. She didn't seem at all upset about the previous day, but it took only a second to realize that that was because of the letter she had in her hand. The NYU letter.

“No,” Lexa confirmed, “I... don't think I can open it by myself, not this time. I want it too badly to be an acceptance letter. I couldn't sleep, though.”

“Looked pretty asleep to me,” Clarke said, frowning.

“What time is it?”

“Eight. I know that you have to head to work soon, which was why I woke you.”

Lexa smiled. “Thanks. Yeah, I couldn't fall asleep until about five.”

“Oh shit. I would've let you sleep longer and just called the psychologist office if I'd known,” Clarke admitted worriedly.

“I'll be okay,” Lexa insisted. She looked at the letter in Clarke's hand. “I should probably open that, though, or I won't be concentrating at all at work anyway.” Clarke extended the envelope to the brunette, and they both sat up on the bed as Lexa turned it over in her hands. “Fair warning, it probably took me like twenty minutes to actually open my acceptance letter to Polis.”

Clarke laughed and Lexa blushed as she said, “Oh come on, you were basically guaranteed acceptance to Polis.”

“Yeah, which is why you needed a warning. Could take me up to an hour to open this one,” she teased, biting down on her lip to keep her smile from spreading too widely.

“You're just going to build up more and more suspense the longer you wait. You already sacrificed a whole night of sleep waiting. Just open it,” Clarke prompted softly. Lexa nodded, taking in a shaky breath as she flipped the envelope over. She pulled away the seal at one end and tucked her thumb into it, deftly and neatly unsealing it all the way across. She pulled the pristine, white paper out of its casing and realized that her hands were shaking.

“Fuck, I'm so nervous,” she murmured.

Clarke placed a hand on her leg and squeezed. “No matter what it says, it'll be okay. You know that.”

Lexa glanced up at hopeful blue eyes, and then back down at the paper. Her fingers were suddenly working with or without her say, unfolding the paper whether she wanted it to be opened or not. Her eyes fell on the first line of the body of the letter before looking at anything else, and immediately released a relieved breath. “Thank fuck.”

“You got accepted?” Clarke asked, looking like she was about to burst into fireworks.

“Yes!” Lexa exclaimed as a grin took over her face. “Oh my god! I got into NYU!”

Clarke practically pounced on Lexa, joining their lips in an excited kiss that ended after a moment. “You got in!”

“I got in!”

Clarke settled back onto the mattress, and Lexa felt tears threatening to leak from her eyes. “Hey, what's wrong?”

“Nothing, I just...”

“You... don't want to go?”

“No. I mean, no I definitely do want to go,” Lexa answered quickly, “but... I guess I've been stressing about this more than I thought. It's just... it's really nice that something decided to work out in the best way possible.”

Clarke nodded excitedly. “Can I see the letter?” Lexa nodded, handing it over, and watched blue eyes read over the whole thing quickly. When she reached the end of the letter, her eyes widened. “Oh my god, Lexa, this says something about a scholarship.”

Lexa's mouth fell open for a second, and she grabbed the paper back. Sure enough, the paper said that she'd been selected to receive a scholarship, which wasn't huge but would definitely help at least a little with the payments, and then it thanked her for applying for it. “Wait, hold on, I didn't apply for a scholarship.”

“Well, you got it. And this envelope and this letter definitely has your name on it, so it's not like they made a mistake,” Clarke insisted. “Do you think they just gave it to you?”

Lexa thought for a moment, and then it dawned on her. “Oh my god, I bet Professor Kane did this. He told me on Monday that the reason my acceptance letter was a little later was probably because he sent in a last minute recommendation letter. Maybe he also did something about this scholarship. I'll have to stop by campus on the way back from work later to ask him about it.”

“That's fucking awesome.” Lexa looked up from the paper to look at her girlfriend, who was still beaming proudly and excitedly. “So... we're going to New York at the end of May?”

“We are,” Lexa agreed.

“Should we tell everyone?”

Lexa bit down on her lip. “Maybe... could we um, wait to tell everyone until I've told my mom, and Anya? I can go talk to my mom on Saturday, and we can tell everyone else next week?”

“Of course,” Clarke agreed. “I'll do my best to avoid Octavia, because it's definitely all she'll be talking about. She rarely talks about anything else now.”

“I don't blame her. It's exciting.”

Clarke nodded. “We're going to have to find a place in the city. I think O was planning to drive up to New York in a couple of weeks to look for some. Would you wanna go too? We could make a weekend road trip out of it with everybody.” The idea made Lexa grin with excitement.

“Uh, yes, that sounds awesome,” she answered. “Honestly, the only thing that's not exciting about all this is the idea of packing. And holy shit, the warehouse is going to have to get packed up.”

“Yeah, I'm kind of dreading that part,” Clarke agreed. “You know, we're really lucky that our lease is up at the end of May for this place. I guess it's a good thing that I didn't move out of my house right after high school.”

Lexa chuckled. “Lucky indeed.”

“You better get up and start getting ready,” Clarke reminded her, poking at her leg playfully. Lexa smirked and got up off of the bed, heading over to the closet.

“So have you decided what we're doing for Valentine's Day on Sunday?”

“Nope,” Clarke answered, “but you know me. I come up with killer dates the day of, so it'll be awesome.”

“One day you're going to be following that philosophy of yours, and then forget.”

“Like I could forget a date with you, babe.”

“Aw, so sweet.”

“I am sweet, no need for the sarcasm.” Lexa glanced over her shoulder and winked playfully at her girlfriend, who laughed. “You're ridiculous.”

“That's my line.”

“Get your pretty little ass dressed,” Clarke teased, “so you aren't late for work.”

Thursday was an easy day for Lexa, since she was feeling incredibly light and happy after opening her acceptance letter that morning. After work, she stopped by campus to catch Professor Kane before he headed home for the evening, and he admitted that he had applied for the scholarship on her behalf. She thanked him probably more times than what was necessary, and he laughed and promised that it was no problem.

She spent the night relaxing with Clarke, and everything was perfect.

Friday felt almost normal – like the days used to feel before crazy shit started happening – because Lexa woke up early for her first class, had lunch with Luna, and then went to her second class. Anya didn't join them for lunch – she said something about needing to meet with one of her professors – and Lexa couldn't help but ask Luna what was going on with the two of them.

Luna replied with a simple, “We're just... seeing what happens, I guess.”

Sparing her friend from a probably emotional and preemptive talk, Lexa didn't inquire any further after that. She also didn't mention her NYU letter. She still hadn't told anyone about being accepted to NYU, because she did want to tell her mom first. Alexandria deserved to know, and despite her hesitation before, Lexa was pretty sure that she would be supportive.

After her last class on Friday, she texted her mom to see if the woman would meet her for lunch on Saturday, just them out at the sandwich shop. She got back a text with an “of course!” as well as a question as to if there was a specific reason. Lexa just told her mom that there was something she wanted to discuss, but promised that it wasn't anything tragic. Her mom was definitely one to assume the worst, which Lexa knew after all of these years.

Saturday morning, Lexa woke up briefly to Clarke climbing out of bed and then getting ready to go to the warehouse. Lexa had muttered at her for leaving, and had been left with a sweet kiss and a request to text Clarke before she went out for lunch with her mom. As it seemed, Lexa didn't actually wake up for real until half an hour before she was supposed to be meeting her mom. She found herself rushing out of bed, showering and brushing her teeth, throwing on whatever clothes were nice but also comfortable, and quickly making herself up in the bathroom. She was finished in a record fifteen minutes, shot a quick text to her girlfriend, and then locked up the apartment and headed down to her car.

She made it to the cafe at the exact right time, and was happy to see that her mom actually hadn't shown up yet. She quickly placed an order for both her and Alexandria – her mom's order hadn't changed at all for the past six years – and paid for it at the counter before going and finding a table.

Her mom came in a few minutes later, immediately locating her and coming over. “Hey, sweetie! How was your week?”

“It was actually really good,” Lexa admitted. “Clarke and I went to see her dad. She wanted to ask him to talk to Abby and try to talk some sense into her. It was kind of a weird experience, but we're hoping that it fixes the Abby situation for the most part.”

“How have your classes been?”

“They've been really good,” Lexa answered, nodding surely. “I've been doing well in them so far this semester, and haven't had much trouble. Surprisingly I've gotten enough studying in even with everything else going on.”

Alexandria smiled softly, and then looked down at the table and cleared her throat. “So, are you going to wait until we get our sandwiches to tell me that you got into New York University?”

Lexa blinked in surprise and stared at her mother for a moment. “Wait, how do you know that?”

“Marcus Kane came up to me yesterday and congratulated me on you getting in, so I guess you told him before you told me?”

“He's my professor, and he sent in a rec letter for me, and he even got me a small scholarship to NYU,” Lexa defended. “But yes, that's what I was going to tell you. I didn't want to front this whole outing with that, but yeah.”

“Well congratulations, Lexa. I'm proud of you for being able to do that – thought I'm not very surprised. I always knew that you could get into other universities if you'd wanted to.” Before anything else could be said, two sandwiches were being set in front of them. The two of them thanked the waiter, who smiled curtly and then walked off, leaving Lexa and Alexandria in silence.

“Um,” Lexa finally said, once she realized that neither of them had yet touched their food, “I decided that I want to go.”

Alexandria nodded, picking up her sandwich and taking a bite. Lexa watched her carefully as she chewed and then swallowed. Finally, her mom spoke again. “I figured. You really want to?”

“Yes. It's such a great opportunity – to study in a better psychology program in a place that will have more opportunities for me to further my education later, and to get a job. Plus, Clarke can get away from her parents and this place, and she can way more easily get an art job there and further her career. And I... I think it'll be awesome, honestly,” Lexa finished, exhaling slowly.

“Lexa, if you want to, you should. I agree, it could bring some amazing opportunities to both of you,” her mom agreed, finally smiling again. “I will of course support you, and I will put up the same amount of money to your college there as I was going to here. So you don't have to worry about that.”

“Thanks, mom,” Lexa breathed out, feeling herself relax considerably and finally taking a bite of her sandwich. A moment later, she continued, “I'm actually really excited. In a few weeks, we're all going to road trip up to New York and look for apartments.”

“That should be fun,” Alexandria agreed. “Oh, and if you and Clarke need a little help starting rent for an apartment, let me know. Because I know that Clarke's lack of a job is probably going to start putting a financial strain on the two of you, and I think I'd be able to spare some more money.”

“How much does Polis U pay you?” Lexa asked rhetorically in surprise.

Alexandria smiled. “Actually, while Anthony was in town, he gave me some money. To help with your college.” Lexa furrowed her eyebrows. “He didn't want me to mention it to you, but that's not really fair to you. He told me on one of his last days in town that he understands that things between you and him can't ever be like they are with his son – and he recognized that that was his fault. He wanted to help out in some way. I tried to tell him that we could cover it, but he insisted. It's a pretty decent sized check. So if you and Clarke need help with an apartment, we can put it there, or else it'll be helping with your college. Don't worry, Lexa, I'm going to support you through this change in your life. Frankly, you and Clarke both deserve to do what you want and what you love, after everything.”

“Thank you so much, mom.” Lexa was slightly teary eyed as she spoke, and she bit down on her lower lip. “Seriously. And I should call Anthony – or text him at least – and thank him too, shouldn't I?”

Alexandria shrugged. “He didn't want you to know. But you can if you want to. Or you can later. Whatever you want, sweetie. Now eat your food – something tells me that you haven't eaten yet today.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You only put eye shadow on one eye.”

Lexa's jaw dropped. “What?” Alexandria was laughing all of the sudden, shaking her head.

“I'm messing with you, Lexa. I can tell when you've been awake for less than an hour. In case you forgot, you did live with me for eighteen and a half years. Though if I remember correctly, you probably spent that last year more often at Clarke's apartment than in our house.”

Lexa blushed. “What can I say? Clarke has a comfortable bed.”

“Yeah, I'm _sure_ that's why you were staying the night there all the time.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alexandria Woods (mother of our beloved little gay baby lexa) captain supporter of the gays and Clexa!! Haha it's official, they're going to New York!! I'm so excited for you guys to read the last 5 chapters of this. I have 20 done already, but I just wrote out the divided plan for 21-24, and I'm so excited to write it all omg! I can't believe it's almost over wtf.  
> Also in case anyone was interested - my summer camp counselor experience was pretty good, it was fun although incredibly tiring. My shoulders are sore from carrying a bag all weekend, my legs are sore from hiking up and down hills and through forests, my arms are sore from probably a combination of those two things and also rowing a canoe... yeah I'm just kinda sore. But it was fun haha! Nice to be in a nice bed again though instead of the sketchy bunks in the cabins there (though, I slept on a top bunk like Clarke in Cross Rivalry Romances [actually that was the first thing I thought of when I climbed up to it hahahaha]) Anyway, yeah!!  
> I love you all, have a lovely day/night!!


	20. I'm Allowed To Be Sappy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Valentine's Day. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey beautifuls! Since I've decided that this story will have 24 chapters, this chapter and the 4 after it will probably be a bit long in order to squeeze in the end of this story properly. I hope that's okay with all of you ;)  
> I won't keep you for too long up here, but I'm gonna go on a positivity rant in the bottom note, so if any of you are interested in that xD
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

Clarke bit down on her lower lip as she gazed at the bed while leaning against the bathroom door frame. She'd gotten up five minutes earlier, used the bathroom, brushed her teeth and made a quick run down to her car, and was now debating on whether or not to wake up her girlfriend. The brunette was sleeping peacefully in bed, the blankets falling off of her, because she tended to get too warm when wrapped up in them. It was funny, though, that she would always shed the blankets and still stay cuddled up against Clarke, as if it was the perfect in between.

That's how Clarke knew that Lexa would probably not stay asleep much longer. It was Sunday, after all, so her mind would be expecting morning cuddling.

So was Clarke's, and she was tempted to just curl back up in bed with her girlfriend, but she couldn't. No, she needed to get Lexa up, because it was Valentine's Day, and Clarke had the whole day planned on.

Yeah, she had sacrificed an hour or so – okay maybe two or three hours – of her painting the previous day in order to plan it all out, but she was bent on surprising Lexa. The joke that she always planned dates last minute was pretty accurate, but this time Clarke had a plan, and she wanted to follow it as closely as possible. After all of the shit that had happened in the past two months, she and Lexa both deserved it.

Finally, Clarke pushed off of the door frame and went over to the bed, sitting down next to Lexa. “Lexa,” she cooed softly, “babe? Lexa...” She brought her hand up to Lexa's hair, tugging her fingers through the curly mass carefully. She thought back briefly to when Lexa had dyed it purple – for a week, after the first time Clarke ever saw her – and smiled. “Lexa, wake up.”

“Mm, why?” came the mumbled protest as Lexa shifted slightly. Her green eyes flickered open and her eyebrows were furrowed. “Why aren't you laying down? I wanna cuddle. It's Sunday.”

“Mmhmm,” Clarke confirmed, “and it's Valentine's Day. So you need to get up, because I'm taking you out.”

“Aren't you doing that tonight?”

Clarke shook her head. “All day. Come on, we have plans.”

“Do we actually?” Lexa asked, her eyes widening. “Have you been up for an hour planning this?”

“Hey, don't tease, I actually _have_ planned out a day for us, and it was ahead of time,” Clarke promised. She gave Lexa her best pout, before grinning involuntarily and resuming her original task, “So you need to get up and get ready.”

“Wait, you meant Valentine's Day doesn't even start with morning sex?”

“Nope.” Clarke stood up from the bed, moving over to the closet. “Come on, Lexa.”

“I'm getting up,” Lexa insisted as she pushed the blankets off of herself. “What are we doing?”

“It's a surprise.” Clarke grabbed a pair of her comfier jeans and a blouse, before grabbing a similar outfit from Lexa's side of the closet.

“You're picking my clothes, too?”

“You took too long to get up.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, walking over to the closet and taking the outfit. “I took like thirty seconds, chill.”

Clarke smirked, grabbing two coats and turning back around to the bed. She set the coats down on the bed and then went into the bathroom. Step one of Valentine's Day was ago.

Twenty minutes later found them leaving the apartment building and getting into Clarke's car. “Are you going to tell me where we're going yet?”

“We're going multiple places,” Clarke stated.

“Which consist of?”

“Be patient, Lexa.”

Clarke didn't miss the small smile that appeared on her girlfriend's face. Yes, this was going according to plan so far.

The first place they went to was The Bean, where an employee that Clarke remembered working with on occasion got very awkward when she saw the blonde in line. Clarke, however, didn't want to start anything, and honestly wished that everyone at The Bean would just forget the fact that they'd fired her for no goddamn reason. She was getting over it, anyway.

They got breakfast and coffee from the coffee shop, sitting at the corner table that Lexa had always seemed to claim and Clarke had actually rarely sat in. Honestly, when she got coffee from The Bean, she usually left immediately after. It had always felt weird to sit and eat and hangout at her place of work. But it was nice now, with Lexa as they slowly woke up and sat with a comfortable silence settling around and between them.

After breakfast, Clarke led Lexa back out to her car. “Okay so, we're wearing jeans, so I'm assuming we aren't going anywhere fancy or anything.”

“Well, it's like ten in the morning, what sort of fancy place would we be going to?” Clarke asked, lifting an eyebrow.

“I don't know, I'm just trying to figure you out,” Lexa insisted. She looked out the window to see in what direction they were headed, and she frowned. “We're either going to campus or... the lake?”

“Good job, you know how to navigate,” Clarke teased, grinning widely.

“You know, for someone who's been _not_ a teenager for almost four whole years, you still sound like one most of the time.”

Clarke smiled softly. “I know this, thanks. Maybe it's because for two of those years I was spending all my free time with a teenager.” Lexa scoffed. “I have no clue how I survived those teenage years, damn.”

“Oh shut up.” They drove in silence for another couple of minutes, and then Lexa hummed thoughtfully. “We're going to the lake.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“You'll see.” When they reached the parking lot for the lake, Clarke parked her car into one of the empty spaces – they were all empty at this time of day. “Okay, let's go.”

“Where exactly?” Lexa questioned as they both got out of the car. Clarke moved around to the back of the car and opened it. Lexa frowned as she realized that there was a cooler there. “Can't believe I didn't think to look behind me through that whole ride. What's in it?”

“Drinks, and some food,” Clarke answered vaguely, pulling the cooler out of the car and then closing the doors and locking the car. “Come on.” She extended a hand to the brunette, who immediately took it. Their hands had always fit well together, and Clarke felt a smile tugging at her lips as she intertwined their fingers. They made their way down through the treeline onto the main beach area of the lake – where all the bonfires were. In fact, the bonfire pit was sitting unlit off to their left, but they split off to the right instead.

Clarke knew that Lexa was confused when they rounded the edge of the lake and started down a strangely worn in path through the woods. “Oh I get it,” Lexa said suddenly, “the past two and a half years have just been you formulating a very clever plan to murder me without me suspecting you at all. I knew it would come to this.”

“What's with you and thinking that I'm going to kill you when I take you out on dates? You into murderers or something?”

“Ha. No.”

“Well good, because newsflash, I'm not a murderer,” Clarke teased, squeezing Lexa's hand reassuringly. “Actually, we're going to a place that I used to sneak out to a lot after high school.”

“To do what?” Lexa asked curiously.

“Sit and cry mostly,” Clarke admitted. She shook her head incredulously. “Well... actually there was a couple month long period while I was nineteen that I was drinking and also getting high like... every night. There's a place off that way,” – she gestured off to the right – “, that a bunch of stoners used to go to a lot. They probably still do sometimes, but I went there a couple of times during some parties and one time I kind of stumbled off and found another place. I went there a lot when I was trying to get over my dark period.”

“You don't talk about all that very often,” Lexa said softly.

“Yeah, I like to pretend like it never happened.” Clarke laughed quietly. “Honestly, though, the past couple of weeks kind of reminded me that I can't just forget it all. Unfortunately, life doesn't really work like that. The past comes back. I'd rather you knew about it all sooner rather than later. Plus, if we're leaving this place behind, I kind of wanted to come back to this spot one more time. You know, because it was like... a healing place for me.”

“You know, you're honestly so put together that I sometimes forget that you had a dark period like that,” Lexa admitted quietly.

Clarke smiled softly. “Well, I guess that's good. I've done a lot to get back up to where I am right now. Come on, we're almost there.” She started walking a little faster, the cooler still dragging behind her, and they finally broke into a clearing. It was exactly how she remembered it – both from years earlier and from the previous day, when she'd brought over the supplies that were now laying out in the middle of it.

“It's peaceful,” Lexa stated, glancing around. The trees weren't too thick – not that they were really very thick at all around Polis – but they were about as thick as it would get anywhere around the lake. If you looked hard enough, you could see the water reflecting the morning sunlight through the trees to the left. To the right, you couldn't see much besides the trees. But the clearing was strangely devoid of any trees, and sunlight was shining into it at a slight angle. “What's all that?”

Clarke gently tugged Lexa toward the middle of the clearing. Spread out over the grass were three blankets, covered by a multitude of things. A couple of small canvases and some paints, a few books, a bag that was filled with some other things, and then a neatly wrapped present. “Just stuff,” Clarke answered, and she pulled Lexa to sit down on the blankets next to her. “And there's food in the cooler, for lunch.”

“Wow, remind me to never doubt you about a date ever again.”

“I'll remember that,” Clarke murmured.

Their day was peaceful. They laid across the blankets for the first part of it, and Clarke told Lexa about the almost two years she'd spent wasting time. She talked about the thing she'd had with Finn, as well as how she met each of her friends through him. She talked about the most serious relationship she had before Lexa – with a guy named Matt – who had ended up cheating on her. She talked about swearing off relationships before she met Lexa for the first time.

She'd talked about all of these things briefly before, but never actually explained how she'd felt during it all. But Lexa laid with her while she did, and responded when it was necessary and promised her afterward that it was over, it was in the past, and of course, none of it could ever affect the way that Lexa felt about her. Other than, of course, making the brunette even more impressed with her.

When the long, emotionally weighing conversation was over, Clarke sat up and opened the cooler, producing a bottle of wine. It was Lexa's favorite. She poured them each a cup – she hadn't brought any nice glasses since she was sure that she would've broken them in transit – and they stared up at the clouds while sipping it and talking. Now, though, they talked about New York, and made up possible ways that their life could play out.

Clarke always felt funny doing that. It always felt like any way that she could imagine her life playing out would not happen. It was almost like a depressing rule – if she imagined it one way that made her happy, it would never actually happen that way. Honestly, though, that had been something she'd always thought about, and her life so far had turned out better than any way she could've imagined it previously. So maybe her original theory was just bullshit to keep her from feeling like her future could be perfect.

She knew it could be perfect with Lexa.

Lexa began to drift off to sleep around noon, and Clarke had almost expected that to happen. She moved their empty cups aside and grabbed one of her canvases and paints. She began to create something that was like the forest, but abstract and bright. This place had always been a place of comfort to her, and it deserved to be documented somewhere.

The painting was rough and did not take her long. When she was done, she pushed it aside and laid next to Lexa, playing with her hair and almost nodding off herself. However, Lexa began to wake after about an hour and a half of napping, and Clarke got out the lunch she'd brought alone with her. Lexa sat up and they ate lunch.

After they ate, Clarke's final part of the day out was supposed to be giving her girlfriend her present. Lexa, however, insisted that she wait until they got home to do so, since Lexa's present to her was at the apartment. Clarke agreed, and it was about three in the afternoon when they finally packed everything up and lugged it back to Clarke's car.

Clarke knew that Lexa thought that the day was over at that point, but when they got back to the apartment, she revealed that she actually had plans to make them both dinner. Lexa laughed at that, because they both knew that Clarke couldn't cook extremely well, but neither could Lexa really. They decided that in a few hours, they would try to tackle the chosen recipe together, and for now they put on some action movie from Netflix to counteract how sappy they were feeling from their date and the fact that it was Valentine's Day.

They made dinner together, coming out of it somehow with success, and after eating their well earned meal, exchanged gifts.

Gifts had always been something that Clarke had a hard time deciding on. For Christmas, she and Lexa had developed a routine of getting each other silly gifts. For each other's birthdays, their gifts were usually somewhat simple. However, for some reason, they had an unspoken agreement that Valentine's Day was their meaningful, sappy gift to each other. It was an easy day to do so anyway – since it was literally _meant_ for such things.

Usually, they didn't spend a lot of money on their gifts, and considering their circumstances right now, neither of them really expected much money to be put into it at all.

Clarke rarely did any art other than painting these days, though she still drew and used charcoal a lot, but something she'd never tackled more than once or twice was making jewelry. However, this Valentine's Day had seemed like a perfect time to bring it back, and she'd made Lexa a cute little New York City skyline necklace. When the brunette inquired as to whether or not Clarke had made it the previous day, Clarke just gave her a shy smile and demanded that she put it on.

Lexa went back into the bedroom to get the gift she had for Clarke, and when she sat back down in front of Clarke seemingly having returned with nothing, the blonde gave her a confused look. “Okay, so,” Lexa started, “I was talking to Finn the other day before I found out for sure about New York – while you were painting and I'd gone to the bathroom, I ran into him on the way back. He and I haven't really talked lately, but we caught up on the whole New York situation and well... I asked him to do something for me if we ended up going to New York. And well, he would've done it for free, but since it basically falls in with what he does for work, I made him let me pay him. But that's not a big deal, because it was cheap, but basically... I just texted him to let him know for sure, and he said that he can definitely do it... he's going to take down your art room door before we leave, so that we can keep it.”

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows a little. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah,” Lexa breathed out slowly. “Well, see... because I... um well, when you got that door, you told me that it was better to paint just like, random stuff on it, because if you painted an actual picture, if you got bored of it, you wouldn't be able to paint over it without ruining a piece of art. Because of that, I kind of expected you to paint over it the way it is now, but you always left it and uh... Well, when you tried to make me paint it, I really wanted nothing to do with it... but it's honestly what I'm going to miss most about the warehouse when we move. So I want to keep it. So maybe this is more of a present to myself, but I mean... it's your door, so.”

Clarke laughed brightly – her grin had been growing throughout Lexa's entire spiel. “That's awesome, Lexa. Seriously, I wouldn't want to leave that door behind either. Thank you.”

Lexa bit down on her lower lip. “Today was incredible, Clarke. Thank you for all of it.”

“Of course, babe. It's our last Valentine's Day here after all. Had to make it special.”

“Oh come on,” Lexa protested, “every day we spend together is special.”

“Aw, so sappy.”

“It's Valentine's Day, I'm allowed to be sappy if I want to.”

“Can you be sappy while you're naked then?”

Lexa flushed, but she stood up swiftly from the table and took a step backwards toward the bedroom. As she did, her hands swiftly pulled off her shirt, and she unbuttoned her jeans to let them drop. Left in her underwear, she took another step toward the bedroom, and Clarke gawked. “If you want me naked, come make me naked.”

Clarke didn't even hesitate.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of the end of this story will be fluff and resolutions, which I think we all deserve, and so do Clexa :) As promised, this story will have a happy ending <3 I always take care of Clexa <3  
> So today, I had my senior year orientation. I was super hyped to get my schedule, but when I got there, there was a huge scheduling fiasco. Basically, I got to a magnet program within another school, so half of my classes come from the magnet program (We're going to call it A for ease) and the other half come from the school (we'll call that B). So basically, the headmaster of A scheduled almost all of the A teachers to NOT have a 5th period class (these are my science/math classes). Coincidentally, the English and History classes I'm taking from B are also not offered as a 5th period class. Now, my schedule is full other than 5th period, and my last class that I'd picked is as a lab assistant, for my computer science teacher from A, who no longer has a 5th period thanks to the headmaster. This same thing happened to probably around half of the people enrolled in A, and also to a bunch of people who just attend B, so like half of the seniors at orientation today were freaking out and trying to talk to counselors, who told us basically to wait. I was super fucking stressed out because of this, and when I got home, I went into like panic mode about college apps because I was already stressed AF. But after a long long conversation with my parents about college and everything, I calmed down a lot and somehow went into this positive mindset. I've made a plan for myself for the next two weeks before school, and I've planned how I'm going to do my applications for college, and I'm going to fucking own it, because I deserve to and I can. And I like to think of myself as a positive person, but the truth is that I've been very negative about myself in the past year, and I'm going to stop. We as people have to be our own main cheerleader, because honestly, self motivation is probably the biggest help in any situation, at least for me. And I am feeling so so positive and I just wanted to share that all with you in hopes that if any of you are feeling down, you can remember that there's always tomorrow and tomorrow can be different. <3  
> I love you all so much, thanks for all of your amazing comments and kudos, have a lovely day/night and stay strong through whatever your current situation is. <3


	21. Not The Kind Of Coming I Meant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa tells her friends about getting into New York University, and then the whole gang celebrates both that and Clarke's birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! :D I just finished chapter 22, and will be starting 23 pretty much right after posting this. I have to drive my sister to her karate class tonight (I'm finishing up my mandatory hours before I can finally get my license), and I'm gonna bring my laptop since I've gotta hang out there for like an hour and a half. So hopefully I'll be able to knock out all of chapter 23 today. Then I'll be finishing up the last chapter tomorrow and you guys will get it on Friday. That's actually perfect, because I will be road tripping and not at home this weekend, so this story will be finished just before that, and it's going to be officially my first story that I had daily updates for consistently. :D I can't believe that I managed to do that.  
> My 22 chapter document for this is 73k words, and I'm estimating about 7k or 8k more to go, so we'll probably end off at 80k words, which is actually pretty impressive since it's 4 less chapters than Pristine, and Pristine is I think 89k words. I just didn't want this to be significantly shorter than Pristine, but I think that I've got it at a nice place =)
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

Lexa took in a deep breath, standing outside the dorm room. She was trying to think of encouraging thoughts that might make it easier for her to enter the room, but knowing that it was either now or later was less encouraging than if it were now or never. Shaking her head at herself, she finally lifted her hand to the door handle and opened it without permission. It was the way of her and her friends, anyway.

She was expecting to find her friends half asleep, exhausted from Monday, or doing homework. Honestly, she didn't know what she would find, but she definitely didn't expect to see Anya topping Luna on the latter's bed, both of them wearing minimal clothing. Lexa stared for a whole second or two, in completely shock, before slamming a hand over her eyes. “Oh my god!”

She heard someone fall onto the ground – Anya no doubt – as well as a shriek from Luna. “Lexa! What the fuck! Knock!”

“I'm sorry if I wasn't expecting you two to be in such a compromising situation! The last I heard about this situation was that you were _seeing what would happen_ ,” Lexa stated, keeping her eyes covered until she got the okay to look. She heard them both fumbling around for clothing now.

“Yeah well, we saw,” Luna said for both of them, “especially yesterday for Valentine's Day. We did a lot of seeing what would happen.”

“Luna!” Anya exclaimed, and Lexa heard Luna snort with laughter.

“Oh my god...”

“Alright, we're decent,” Luna announced. Lexa dropped her hand, crossing her arms self consciously over her chest as she looked between her two friends. They were now seated on their own beds, a smirk on Luna's face and Anya avoiding eye contact with either of them. Anya hadn't ever really struck her as someone to be so shy about something like this, but she supposed that it made sense at this point.

“Did you need something?” Anya finally asked, and Lexa realized that she had just been standing there.

“Yeah, right. Sorry. I need to talk to you both about something, and I figured that now was a good time, because I know that your guys' classes are over,” Lexa explained, leaning against the dorm room door and deciding that she would stay there so that it was easy to face them both.

“Well go ahead, you've already interrupted our afternoon,” Luna prompted. Her tone was light and joking, however, and Lexa was glad for that.

Clearing her throat, the brunette took in a deep breath. “I got into New York University.”

“Wait, seriously?” Luna exclaimed. “That's amazing, Lexa! When did you find out?”

“Last Thursday. I wanted to wait and tell my mom first, which is why I didn't say anything to you guys. I would've told you yesterday, but I was busy all day with Clarke, so.” Lexa looked at Anya, but couldn't read her expression. “Clarke and I have decided that we are for sure moving. We're probably going to drive up to New York with everyone one weekend coming up so that we can look for apartments.”

“That's seriously so awesome, Lexa,” Luna repeated, a smile across her face. “I'm so happy for both of you. You deserve this.”

“You really do,” Anya agreed, and finally she smiled. “I mean, I'm going to miss you like crazy, but you do deserve this. And so does Clarke. You both deserve to be happy, and I think this should be good for you. And I mean, it's an excuse for us to visit New York. You just have to promise to visit here too.”

Lexa grinned. “Of course I will, you weirdo.” She felt something like elation, and adrenaline, building up in her chest as she realized that her two best friends were entirely supportive of her. It felt more and more real the more she talked about it – the more people told her that she should do it. She wanted this so badly, and the pieces were falling together nicely.

“Good, because I've known you practically since we were born, and it totally wouldn't be fair if you just disappeared on me,” Anya insisted. “You've got this, Lex. You and Clarke are going to own New York between the two of you. Not to mention everyone else. NYC needs to watch out.”

Luna laughed. “I'm already imagining Raven and Octavia just tearing through it.”

“You guys are seriously the best,” Lexa told them fondly. “Clarke and I haven't told anyone else about this – except for Finn, because he was involved in my Valentine's Day gift to Clarke with her art room door... it's complicated. But yeah.”

Anya lifted an eyebrow. “What are you getting Clarke for her birthday?”

“Dinner, and sex.”

“Wow, blunt,” Luna said with a chuckle.

Lexa's lips turned up in a smirk. “Well, we always do our big gifts on Valentine's Day, and we're being careful with spending because Clarke's obviously down a job. But it turns out that my dad wrote my mom a check to help me with college. I think I should probably thank him at some point, but not right now. I'm not supposed to know about it.”

“That's really nice, though,” Anya stated, nodding in approval. “I guess life is finally starting to make up for throwing so much shit at you.”

Lexa bobbed her head in a nod, sighing happily. “I'm ready for this. For something positive and good to be happening. I feel like this is really good. I just feel... really good.”

“You're such a dork,” Luna said, shaking her head and laughing. Suddenly, all their phones buzzed and, furrowing their eyebrows, they all moved to check them.

**Group Message: “The Gang”**

**Octavia – YO!! We going out for drinks on Friday for Clarke's big 24 th??**

**Clarke – Ha. “Big”.**

**Lexa – Not opposed, except SOME of us still aren't 21, so I guess we know who are designated sober drivers are. -.-**

**Raven – Don't you guys have fake Ids? I could've sworn that we all drank the shit out of Clarke's birthday last year.**

**Clarke – I didn't :-)**

**Bellamy – We could do drinking/partying as a night in. The bar here sucks anyway.**

**Jasper – OH did you guys see that there's that new place opening up? It's a club, I'm so fucking hyped.**

**Luna – You guys are all moving, how can you be excited about something that won't even be open until summer?**

**Jasper – Oh, good point.**

**Finn – I can be excited!! No moving for me...**

**Clarke – You wouldn't survive NYC, Finn :P**

**Octavia – Yeah, you belong out here where you can hammer together pieces of wood and call it a job. :D**

**Finn – Rude.**

**Bellamy – Back to Clarke's birthday??**

**Raven – Not opposed to a night in if it's good with Clarke. But I ain't buying the alcohol.**

**Monty – I got you guys covered. Where we doing it at?**

**Clarke – Not our place. There's no way I'm letting you guys trash our apartment and then sleep all over it.**

**Raven – Wow, you love us so much.**

**Luna – Well, dorm's not an option, so I guess it's up to you oldies to figure it out :)**

**Jasper – We aren't that old.**

**Finn – My place is tiny, not gonna work.**

**Raven – You guys are impossible. We can go to my place, as long as you all are cool with crashing on the floor. I'm not sharing my bed with any of you assholes.**

**Raven – Except for Clarke, because it's her birthday celebration.**

**Raven – On second thought, Clarke would want to sleep with Lexa and there's not room for three of us on there, so yeah you all would need to sleep on the floor.**

**Lexa – I feel the love Raven <3**

**Octavia has added Lincoln to “The Gang”.**

**Lincoln – O told me you guys need a place for Clarke's party? I've got a spare room so there would be room to crash. And that way I can make sure that you guys don't get my little sister too trashed :-)**

**Anya – Hey, for the record, I stopped drinking. No getting trashed for me.**

**Raven – Ha, that makes one of us. That would be awesome Lincoln!!**

**Clarke – Works for me. Thanks Lincoln :)**

**Octavia – YAY! Why didn't we have Lincoln in this group message before anyway? :(**

**Monty – You're the one who made this group, so I don't think any of us can answer that.**

**Lincoln – Wow, O. I take personal offense. :(**

**Octavia – Come over tonight and I'll make it up to you ;)**

**Raven – *gags* Oh sorry I just vomited a little in my mouth my bad.**

**Octavia – It's okay, Rae, I know you're just jealous of my relationship :-)**

**Raven – If I was jealous of anyone's relationship, it would be Clarke and Lexa's, not yours.**

**Lexa – Aw :)**

**Clarke – We're goals, I know.**

**Lexa – Oh btw.**

**Lexa – I'm calling a mandatory meeting at the WH tomorrow night. Cancel your Tuesday plans.**

**Raven – Darn, I had so many important, fun plans on my Tuesday night. -.- What's this about?**

**Lexa – I guess you'll find out when you show up :)**

**Octavia – Clarke is like a thirty second walk away from me, does she know? Can I torture the information out of her???**

**Lexa – If you want to die, sure.**

**Luna – Ooh, protective Lexa. This is new.**

**Clarke – It's hot ;)**

**Lexa – ;)**

**Anya – Ew. Get a room.**

**Clarke – We have one. Lexa's just currently not in it. :(**

**Lexa – Is that your low key way of asking me to come to the WH right now?**

**Raven – Noooooo I don't want to hear you guys having sex a room over from me!! STAY AWAY!!**

**Lexa – :^)**

**Raven – NO.**

**Clarke – Don't tell my gf what to do >_>**

**Bellamy – You guys are blowing up my phone, shut up.**

**Finn – What he said.**

**Lexa – Mean :(**

**Clarke – Losers.**

* * *

“Alright, Lex, we're all here,” Octavia stated, as everyone settled into the couches in her room, “what's this meeting for?”

Lexa was seated on one of the couches next to Clarke, facing the rest of her friends. The only people missing were Luna and Anya, but they both already knew what Lexa was about to tell everyone. The brunette glanced at her girlfriend, who grinned widely, and then green eyes turned back to look at all their friends. “I got accepted to NYU.”

Raven was the first to react, immediately jumping up and exclaiming. “Fuck yes! That's awesome!”

“Wait, so you guys are officially going to New York with us?” Octavia exclaimed as her eyes bugged out.

Clarke nodded. “We're going to New York with you guys.”

Everyone broke out into cheers and congratulations. Octavia babbled something about them celebrating, and Bellamy interrupted her to say that they were already celebrating Clarke's birthday on Friday. They came to the consensus rather quickly that the celebration could be for both Clarke's birthday and the fact that they were moving, and Monty said something about just bringing extra alcohol for the extra celebration.

Once all the talking at once sort of settled down, Lincoln cleared his throat and looked to Clarke and Lexa. “So we were all planning on driving up to New York next weekend to do some apartment shopping and stuff. You guys in?”

“Definitely,” Clarke agreed. “A group road trip sounds fun anyway.”

“There's eight of us going,” Raven said, glancing around at the group, “so we could technically take Bellamy's car and go all together.”

“Do we want to all take one car? If we have to all go to different apartments and stuff, shouldn't we all take separate cars?” Jasper asked with a frown.

Bellamy shrugged. “I mean, we could get taxis there or walk a lot, get the full NY experience. I don't know how fun it would be for all of us to be driving through the city in four cars. Plus, I think that a lot of us are getting places together. I mean, O and Lincoln are getting a place. Clarke and Lexa are getting a place. I don't know what the rest of us are doing.”

Raven frowned. “I think that for the first time since the beginning of college, I'm going to have to move in with someone. But it seems like all my go-to roommates are taken.” She glared playfully at Lincoln and Lexa for stealing Clarke and Octavia, and Lexa stuck her tongue out at her, leaning into her girlfriend a little.

Finn chuckled. “Well, I've gotta get back to work. Good luck planning everything, guys. I'm really so happy for you all.”

“Thanks, Finn,” Clarke said. He got up and exited the room as they all sat quietly, and then Octavia looked at the rest of them with concern.

“Do you think that he's upset?”

“I'm sure he is a little bit,” Bellamy said sadly. “But I guess there's nothing we can really do. He wants to stay here, and he has a lot of opportunity here, I think. He wants to go into construction after all, and I think he's been trying to get work helping with the city engineering department and stuff.”

“It's kind of sad, knowing that we're leaving people behind,” Monty commented. “I mean, Finn obviously, but also even Harper and Miller and Murphy. We've known them for years, and it's weird to think that they'll all be staying here.”

“Luna and Anya,” Lexa added, and everyone nodded along.

Lincoln sighed. “We'll have to throw one last mini bonfire with them all before we leave. Something like the first time that we all came together – at the one that Murphy threw that we all went to.”

“Fuck, that feels like ages ago,” Raven breathed out. “This is going to be one crazy experience.”

“We've got this,” Octavia said strongly, “and we're going to get through it with flying colors, okay? We're all ready to grab life by the fucking throat and command it. We're in control for once.”

Clarke grinned. “It feels nice.”

“I still wish I at least had living plans,” Raven muttered, only half joking.

Jasper frowned. “Monty and I were going to get a place together. Do you think we could get one for the three of us instead? I mean, maybe four of us. I know we thought that Bellamy could live with us, too. I don't know how pricey that would be, but if we all split the rent...”

“I mean, you could always get a place on campus too, Raven,” Monty suggested.

Raven hummed thoughtfully. “I guess if I could somehow get a single room that would work. I could go back to living in a dorm for a year. At least while I'm still finishing my major. Then when I'm done paying for college I could get an apartment.”

“Yeah, because it will probably be pretty hard for all four of us to get a place together that's like, comfortable for four people,” Bellamy reasoned.

Lexa let out a breath. “This is why relationships are nice. You only need an apartment big enough for one person.”

“We might have to get a bigger place though,” Clarke reasoned, “because I'm going need an art studio. Or else we're going to be really fucking cramped.”

“Point taken.”

Octavia shook her head. “Okay, for the first time, I'm actually stressed out by this. Let's take a break. I could use a beer.”

“We should probably go home,” Lexa said, looking her girlfriend, “because I have class tomorrow.”

Clarke nodded. “What she said.” The two of them stood, and Octavia jumped up and grabbed them both in a surprise hug.

“I'm so glad that you guys are coming with us. Seriously, I'm like ten times more excited now!” She jumped back with a grin across her face. “See you guys later.”

“Bye,” Lexa said with a light laugh, grabbing Clarke's hand and gently pulling her toward the door.

“See ya!”

* * *

“Shots! Shots!”

Clarke pushed the door of Lincoln's apartment open and saw Raven and Octavia excitedly eyeing the shots lined up on Lincoln's coffee table – apparently the start to their night.

“Jeez,” the blonde started, “not even half of everyone is here yet, and you already wanna start taking shots?”

Raven glared at her. “Just because it's your birthday tomorrow and this celebration is for you doesn't mean you're allowed to be a party pooper.”

“I don't mind taking a shot,” Lexa admitted, “as long as we're crashing here tonight. Because it's Clarke's celebration, so I'm obligated to be a sober driver.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Fine, I'll do a shot too.”

“Yes! Party Clarke time!” Octavia exclaimed, as Lincoln came out from his bedroom with eyebrows raised.

“Did I miss something?”

“Clarke's going to party hard!”

“Not hard,” Clarke corrected, stepping into the room completely with her girlfriend and closing the door behind them. “One shot. I'm not going to deal with a hangover on my birthday.”

“What are you guys doing for your actual birthday tomorrow?”

Clarke looked to Lexa, who just shrugged. “You know. Dinner, sex, the usual.”

Raven scoffed. “It's hard to believe that you were once that innocent little teenager who sat all quiet and embarrassed when we caught you with Clarke.”

“Yeah well, I've grown up,” Lexa stated proudly, before sticking her tongue out at the older girl. Raven stuck her tongue out right back, and Octavia rolled her eyes.

“Children, all of you.”

There was another knock on the door, and then it opened without any permission. “We have arrived!” Luna exclaimed, coming in and pulling Anya along behind her. Lexa noticed how Anya tugged her hand away from the brunette as soon as they were in sight of everyone else. “Oh, party hasn't started yet. Good. Ooh! Shots!”

“Hey, An,” Lincoln greeted, smiling at his younger sister. “I haven't seen you around much lately.”

Anya shrugged weakly. “I've been busy and kinda stressed. School and life, you know? We should hang out sometime – get some sibling bonding time. I... kind of have some stuff I wanna talk to you about anyway.”

“This is not the time for seriousness,” Octavia interrupted, crossing her arms. “This is party time!”

They decided to take their first shots without waiting for the rest of the group to show up, and when Monty, Jasper, Finn and Bellamy finally did make an appearance, they took their own shots and the party began. It was the normal deal – they all mixed drinks with the excessive alcohol provided by Lincoln and Monty and ate the pizza that someone ordered at some point. Octavia also surprised everyone by pulling a cake out of Lincoln's fridge at some point, and they drunkenly sang Clarke a happy birthday once the time hit midnight. Clarke and Lexa were not particularly drunk, though they both let themselves relax a little bit. After all, they were celebrating, and it wasn't like they had to drive the next morning.

As always, Clarke stopped herself when she knew that she should drink no more, and began drinking water. Lexa followed her lead at that point, because she knew that Clarke would just water down her drinks at that point anyway. Neither of them would feel good in the morning otherwise.

The night ended with them all picking a place to fall asleep. Clarke and Lexa claimed the bed in Lincoln's spare room, after promising their host that they would not have sex in it. Monty and Jasper ended up sleeping on the floor in the same room, Lincoln and Octavia took his bed, obviously, and the rest of the gang sprawled around the living room.

Lexa was the first one awake the next morning, happy that she didn't seem to have much of a headache. She realized with a frown that she and Clarke were laying some distance apart, and she scooted across the sheets, pressing soft kisses to Clarke's neck to wake her up. The blonde slowly stirred, and finally forced her sleepy eyes to open. “Hi,” she mumbled tiredly.

“Happy birthday,” Lexa whispered, nudging her girlfriend's neck with her nose and pressing another kiss to her pulse point. She felt Clarke sigh contently, so she pressed her body closer to the blonde's and gently sucked on the skin on Clarke's neck.

Clarke gently pulled Lexa's face away from her neck and brought their lips together. Their tongues immediately began to invade each other's mouths, and Clarke took control, pushing Lexa onto her back and straddling her. Lexa groaned, pushing her hips up slightly, and then pushed Clarke up lightly.

“Lincoln said no sex in the bed,” she murmured.

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “But it's my birthday.”

“Jasper and Monty are on the floor.”

“Okay, what about the spare bathroom's shower? He didn't say anything about that. And I could use a shower – I'm pretty sure that someone spilled some vodka on me last night.”

“You do smell a lot like vodka.”

“And I probably got it on you, so we obviously both need a shower, and can't wait until we go home.” Clarke batted her eyelashes and smiled cheekily down at her girlfriend, who grinned.

“Okay, fine.”

They both got off of the bed and slipped into the bathroom in the room. Lexa turned on the shower while Clarke began to strip, and when she turned back around, the blonde was already naked and immediately attacked Lexa's lips with her own. Lexa released a wanting moan as Clarke began to take on the task of removing her clothing. When they were both naked, they stumbled into the shower and closed its door behind them.

Clarke pressed her thigh between Lexa's legs, grinding it into her purposefully. Her lips and tongue muffled the moan that Lexa tried to release. Lexa's dull nails dug into her back, scraping down the skin there until they were on her ass, and Clarke began to kiss down her jaw and neck and to her shoulder as her thigh rubbed Lexa's center.

Lexa's hips began to rock and her breathing sped up. Clarke finally replaced her knee with her hand, enjoying how Lexa whimpered in the split second that there was nothing against her. “Fuck,” Lexa gasped, her hips pushing forward into Clarke's fingers. “Clarke!”

Clarke began to move her fingers faster and with more force, Lexa came quickly, muffling her moan by burying her face into Clarke's neck. She bit some skin there slightly and Clarke squeaked. Just as Lexa came down from her high, she abruptly shoved her own hand between Clarke's legs and the blonde stumbled at the sudden feeling.

Lexa pushed Clarke up against the shower wall, not teasing her girlfriend at all as she worked her fingers in and out of the blonde. “Fuck, Lexa!” Clarke exclaimed, throwing her head back. “Fuck! Fuck!”

“Shh, you're going to wake everyone up,” Lexa murmured, reveling in how loud she could make Clarke. She was always teased for being noisy, but honestly, Clarke was just as loud as she was, if not louder.

“I don't fucking care,” Clarke gasped out as Lexa's left hand squeezed her breasts appreciatively. Clarke's body tensed and lurched slightly as she came, and she let out a final moan before relaxing. “Fuck, Lexa...”

“Mm, happy birthday,” Lexa murmured into her girlfriend's neck, pressing soft kisses across the wet skin and then slowly dropping down lower, her fingers still buried inside Clarke.

When Lexa's lips reached Clarke's breasts, she began placing hot, wet kisses across them. “Lexa,” Clarke murmured.

“You're so beautiful,” Lexa whispered against her skin, before taking one of her nipples into her mouth and beginning to move her fingers again. Clarke moaned, and Lexa went slower this time, knowing that Clarke was probably sensitive now.

Clarke's breathing increased again, and she was panting and moaning by the time that Lexa's lips had reached her center, and her tongue joined her fingers in between Clarke's legs. “Jeez, Lexa,” Clarke gasped out. Suddenly, there was a knock on the bathroom door.

“Stop having sex in there! Some of us need to pee!” The tired, hungover voice came from Raven, but Lexa didn't stop what she was doing.

“It's my birthday,” Clarke shouted, “go pee somewhere else!”

“I can't, because Lincoln and Octavia are having sex in his room and I'd have to go through their room to get to the bathroom!”

“Sounds like your p-problem, not mine!” Clarke exclaimed, before releasing another moan and tangling her fingers into Lexa's hair. “Fuck!”

“Guys! This isn't cool!” Raven whined. Clarke's body tensed up as she moaned, and Lexa could feel her girlfriend tightening around her. She finally came again, just as Raven was pounding on the door furiously. “I take it back, you aren't relationship goals at all. You're sex animals! Let me go pee!”

Lexa carefully pulled herself out of her girlfriend, sucking her fingers clean and standing up in front of the blonde. “Happy birthday.”

“You already said that,” Clarke murmured, pulling Lexa in for a soft kiss, “but thank you.”

“You fucking assholes, I am breaking down this door in a minute!”

Lexa stepped away from her girlfriend. “We're coming!”

“That's what I _don't_ want you to do!”

Rolling her eyes, Lexa shut off the water and opened the shower door. “Not the kind of coming I meant.”

They quickly dried off with some of the towels hanging in the bathroom and then pulled their clothes back on, exiting the bathroom in record time. Raven was waiting outside the door, bouncing awkwardly in an attempt to keep herself from peeing. “Fuck you guys,” she growled, pushing past them into the bathroom and slamming the door. That noise finally woke Jasper and Monty, who groaned as they rolled over.

“Am I dead?” Jasper whined.

Clarke chuckled, grabbing Lexa's hand and pulling her through the room and out into the main room, where the rest of their friends were finally starting to wake up due to Raven's yelling and probably the sex noises coming from Lincoln's room. “We should make our hungover friends some breakfast,” Clarke suggested.

“Why? We can't cook to save our lives, and it's _your_ birthday,” Lexa muttered, not interested in trying to make food for anyone.

Clarke hummed thoughtfully. “Well... I guess we could order pizza again.”

“Sounds like a plan. But we should go home soon, so we can laze and binge something on Netflix before I take you out tonight.”

“Okay, we can be out of here by one,” Clarke agreed, smiling softly at the brunette. “So what, no going to the warehouse to sex it up anymore?”

Lexa fluttered her eyelashes innocently. “I didn't say anything about what we'd do _after_ dinner. It's your choice of course.” Clarke grinned.

“I love my birthday.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My computer mouse is starting to die on me (to be fair, it's about 10 years old or more), so it keeps awkwardly freezing on the screen or not clicking, and it's been a pain in the ass because I was on Google Maps planning the gang's road trip to NYC, and there was all this misclicking happening GRR. Hopefully I should be getting a new one soon - a wireless on to be specific! Woo! :)  
> I emailed my school counselor today as well about my schedule, so hopefully soon I will have it all fixed. =D  
> I have a surprise for you guys soon, by the way, but that is all I will say about it. <3  
> I love you all so so much, thank you for your constant support on this story! I'm honestly so honored that so many of you would take time to read my updates every day, and to comment and leave kudos and follow/talk to me on Twitter... you're all so so incredible. Thank you. I hope you all have a lovely day/night, and if you don't think you will, go listen to (and watch the video to) Gravel To Tempo by Hayley Kiyoko :) X


	22. Wouldn't That Be A Plot Twist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke, Lexa, and all of their friends who are gearing up to move to NYC take a road trip to the city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I really wanted to answer comments today, but I left for an optometrist appointment that I had at 3:30, and then went out for dinner and went to go see Suicide Squad (which was fucking awesome) and it's now past 11PM, and I'm pretty tired. I promise that I will go answer a bunch of comments before I post the last chapter for sure (which I haven't finished unfortunately, but it will be finished tomorrow when you guys get to read chapter 23). It's crazy that this story is almost over, omg.  
> Unfortunately, my glasses are getting their lenses replaced, so I've gotta use contacts every day until I get those back, and since I'm so tired I took out my contacts without really thinking when I got home, so now I can barely even read what I'm typing lol.  
> Ahah so I'm going to keep this pretty short.
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

“What time are we leaving?” Clarke murmured as Lexa cuddled into her tiredly. It was Friday evening, and Clarke had come home from the warehouse early to pack her two night bag. They'd decided to take an evening nap since the group had decided to take their road trip late at night so that they could get to the hotel rooms they'd booked and sleep there for the night and get an immediate start to their day on Saturday. They wanted to maximize their time in the city, since they would have to drive back Sunday night.

It was currently coming on seven in the evening, Lexa knew from checking her phone a moment before, and they were all due to leave in the next half hour. Bellamy was going to pick them up last, since their apartment building happened to be the closest to their way out of the city, which meant that they probably had the full half hour left to crawl out of bed and double check that they had packed everything. “Soon,” Lexa replied with a sigh. “I'm excited, but now I'm tired.”

“Honestly, we'll both wake up pretty quickly once we're surrounded by our hooligans – I mean, friends,” Clarke joked, and Lexa giggled.

“You're not wrong. Plus, I feel like candy and caffeine will be our first stop. It's a four and a half hour drive, so we'll be there hopefully by midnight.” Lexa rolled away from her girlfriend grudgingly, stretching out her limbs.

“Come back,” Clarke whined, wrapping her arms around the younger girl and pulling her closer with a pout. She pressed a soft kiss to Lexa's cheek. “I wanna sleep more.”

“Babe, we have to get up and make sure we're ready to go,” Lexa murmured. Clarke's lips moved over to her ear, nibbling on it lightly and causing the brunette to release a happy sigh. “Clarke.”

“Lexa.”

“We have to get up.”

Clarke released her girlfriend with a dramatic sigh. “Fine.” She rolled away and grabbed her phone off of her nightstand, sitting up against the headboard of the bed as Lexa sat up and stood, stretching her arms up over her head. “Bell texted. They'll be here in twenty.”

“Alright,” Lexa said, going over to their two packed bags to check over that they had everything. Clarke stayed rooted to the bed on her phone.

“Oh my god,” Clarke said, sounding surprised and drawing a curious gaze from Lexa.

“What?”

“I got an email from my mom. 'Dear Clarke, due to a few unexpected and inconvenient events, I've had to head back to my home in DC. I do not support your decision to be an artist, nor do I support your choice in romantic partners, and once you have remedied these issues, you may contact me. Until then, I am sorry to say that I would not like you to contact me, nor will I contact you. I do not appreciate that you went to your father about me, but it was a wake up call to the fact that both you and him have always been hopeless to reach my expectations, so I have decided to give up on holding you to them. Enjoy your sinful life.' Oh my god, this bitch. At least she's fucking gone,” Clarke muttered. Lexa's eyes were wide.

“That's a very... _formal_ way to basically say go fuck yourself,” she commented quietly. “Well, I'm glad she's leaving.”

“Me too,” Clarke breathed out slowly. “I guess my dad was able to talk her into leaving. I wonder what he had to say.” Lexa silently unzipped her bag to check over its contents, unsure as to whether she should vocalize her thoughts. Clarke seemed to notice, however, and she asked, “What are you thinking?”

“Just that, you know that if you do decide that you want to have your dad's number, even if just to talk to him once ever, you can ask him for it,” Lexa said, glancing over her shoulder at her girlfriend, who was frowning. “Obviously, if you don't want to, you don't have to. But it's not like we'll be here, so you wouldn't ever have to see him necessarily. Just... after we move, it might be harder to get into contact with him if you ever decide that you want to.”

Clarke lowered her gaze to her lap, turning her phone over in her hands distractedly. “Maybe.”

“Come on, make sure you have everything so that we aren't having to buy new toothpaste or something in New York.”

“Maybe New York toothpaste is better anyway.”

Lexa laughed brightly. “You're so weird.”

“But you love me.”

“That's true.”

Twenty minutes later found Clarke and Lexa piling their bags on top of the ones belonging to all of their friends in the back of Bellamy's minivan, and then squeezing into the back of the car next to Raven. In the middle of the car was Jasper, Lincoln and Octavia, and Monty was taking shotgun.

Lexa was sure that their first stop would be for road trip snacks, but it turned out that Raven had already come prepared, and as soon as they drove out of Polis, she dug into the messenger bag she'd brought and produced multiple small bags of gummy and hard candies. She distributed them evenly throughout the car, and Octavia instructed Monty to turn on the radio, and the car trip was officially ago.

“Do you think that we'll fit in in New York?” Raven asked, about forty minutes into their drive as she stretched out her legs a bit under the seat in front of her and tossed a gummy bear into her mouth.

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Who knows? Have any of us even been there?”

“Excuse you,” Octavia huffed, turning and narrowing her eyes at Clarke, “Bellamy and I were born in New York, and we've been there countless times.”

“Chill, it's not my fault that I met you during college and you never talk about your childhood,” Clarke defended, crossing her arms over her chest.

Bellamy snickered as he laughed from the front seat. “You knew that we're from New York, Clarke, we've definitely had this conversation before.”

“Okay, whatever,” Clarke muttered dejectedly.

Lexa smiled softly at the blonde, nudging her playfully and admitting, “Even I remembered that.”

“Oh shut up, you're supposed to be on my side.”

Raven did her best to laugh evilly. “Your girlfriend has joined the dark side.”

“I'm not sure it's escalated quite that far yet,” Lexa teased, rolling her eyes at Raven and leaning into Clarke, who wrapped an arm around her.

“Ew, who decided that I had to sit back here with these two? They're disgustingly sweet, help!”

Jasper shrugged, looking back at them. “I'm stuck next to Octavia and Lincoln, and they've been cuddled up this whole time.”

Monty turned to see all of them. “Maybe we should split up the couples.”

“Ooh, wouldn't that be a plot twist!” Raven exclaimed with a wide smile across her face. “Next stop, let's do it. I wanna see if they can survive being close but not touching for that long.”

“No,” Clarke whined, wrapping both of her arms around Lexa protectively now. “We were napping before this trip and I had to wake up for it, you can't take away my pillow.”

“Wow, that's all I'm worth to you?” Lexa asked teasingly, poking at the blonde, who swatted her hand away and buried her face in Lexa's shoulder.

Octavia smirked. “I can't believe that you've turned Clarke into such a softie. This bitch used to go around glaring at everyone and everything, and she never sounded _whiny_.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Clarke snapped, lifting her head and scowling at her friend.

“Funny that every time I say that, she gets that Pre-Lexa Clarke face again.”

“Oh my god give up the Pre-Lexa Clarke shit,” Clarke growled, burying her face back into Lexa's neck, “she's gone.”

“Oh yeah, we've noticed,” Raven teased.

Lexa smiled a little, rolling her eyes and pressing a kiss to Clarke's head. “Leave her alone, she's tired.”

“Aw, protective Lexa,” Lincoln commented, smiling fondly at the brunette, who rolled her eyes despite herself. As they'd all gotten older, Lincoln had become more like a friend and less like an older brother figure to Lexa, especially since she tended to see him less now that she wasn't always hanging out with Anya. Though, since he had been dating Octavia for most of the past two years, she definitely got to see him quite often. They'd had a brief off period sometime the previous year, but it had been over quickly and things had returned to normal. She assumed that now that Octavia and Lincoln were going to be living together, he would finally integrate completely into their friend group. It was possibly weird that he hadn't yet, except that he still had an entirely different group of friends that none of the warehouse group had ever really become close with.

“Yeah, yeah,” Octavia muttered with a wave of her hand, “they're sickeningly sweet and we're all normal people. It's been established.”

Clarke flipped Octavia the bird and then finally detached herself from Lexa – though not entirely.

The conversation turned away from the two of them and onto other things, and it was fifteen minutes later that Clarke glanced out the window and realized that they'd reached Washington DC. It was getting pretty dark out by now, but she recognized the brightly lit streets that they were currently weaving carefully through. “Oh. It's been so long since I was here.”

Lexa turned to look out the window as well. “I didn't even think about the fact that we'd be passing through here.”

“Oh shit, I totally forgot you used to live here,” Bellamy commented, turning onto another street that Clarke remembered easily.

“And you were mad at me for forgetting that you were born in New York?”

“Okay, fine, we're even.”

Clarke stared out at the passing streets and then sighed, leaning against Lexa. “This place couldn't ever feel like home again with my family so broken. I've never even spoken to the people I was friends with here since I moved... or maybe I did briefly during my sophomore year, but I stopped by junior year. They were honestly probably all assholes anyway.”

“I guess that explains why you're such an asshole,” Jasper tossed back playfully.

“Do you wanna keep your balls, Jasper?”

“Oh. Yeah.”

Clarke smirked a little.

“Do you want to stop anywhere?” Bellamy asked her, but Clarke was already shaking her head.

“No, I'm okay. I don't want us to get to New York too late. Plus, I can't think of anywhere I'd want to stop,” she admitted. “Thanks, though.”

The car was silent as they continued through DC, aside from the XM radio playing, and when they were finally out and heading toward Baltimore, the tension broke. Still, they were mostly quiet until Work From Home came on the radio, and Octavia took it as her cue to start busting out into song. Raven joined in, and so did Jasper and Monty jokingly, while Bellamy and Lincoln just laughed at them. Clarke and Lexa even joined in near the end of the song, and then their previous car trip mood returned.

They stopped in Baltimore for a bathroom break, and Monty offered to take over driving for Bellamy, insisting that Jasper would take the last shift the next time they stopped. Music continued to blare as they continued down I-95, though they pulled off at an exit about half an hour later to grab some coffee at a Starbucks. Once they were sufficiently caffeinated, they continued on, entering New Jersey and eventually pulling back off of the interstate to stop near the Delaware River for another bathroom break. There, Jasper took over driving, and they started on the home stretch to New York City.

The clock hit midnight just as they were entering into the city, and they drove briefly past the NYU campus on their way to the hotel they'd booked. Driving through the city was somewhat challenging, especially since it was late on a Friday night and nobody seemed to be sleeping. Finally, though, when it was nearing one in the morning, they got to the hotel and managed to park the car in a nearby parking garage, which they all pitched in to pay for.

Tiredly tugging their bags out of the minivan, they got ready to trudge up to their separate rooms in the hotel. They'd split off into pairs for convenience sake, and Bellamy and Raven had ended up sharing a room. Lexa had been expecting some complaining about it from Raven, but considering the time, she wasn't surprised when no one uttered any complaints at all.

Clarke and Lexa fell asleep in their hotel bed easily together just mere minutes after entering their room.

Saturday morning, they woke up to their phones both ringing with separate calls from Octavia and Raven. After rushing to get ready, they found themselves being tugged out of the hotel by their friends and down the streets of New York until they found a place to stop for breakfast.

The day was crazy and fast paced. The first place they went following breakfast was an apartment that Octavia and Lincoln had been looking into. After that, it was nonstop apartment hunting for all of them, and they split up into three groups finally at some point. Clarke and Lexa found themselves looking at two bedroom apartments – so that Clarke could have an art room – and actually found some that they were interested in renting. They left their contact information with the correct people for the two they'd found, and then ended up meeting up with the rest of their friends for dinner. Due to their crazy day, they'd all forgotten about lunch, and therefore found a nice place for dinner close to their hotel to sit down at and relax and eat.

The city was loud and bright and exciting and dramatic, nothing at all like Polis. Octavia and Bellamy didn't seem so fazed by it, and Clarke seemed more used to city life thanks to having grown up in a city. Lexa, however, probably more like her fellow small town originators, found herself in awe of everything around her. It was incredible – huge and somehow powerful, the way the buildings stood tall and untouchable. Not like Polis, which was more like scaffolding that could either lead to a strong, supported city, or collapse into a pile of junk.

Lexa could picture herself here. That was what she ultimately learned from rushing around the city with her girlfriend and her friends. They would all make it there, she just knew it.

After filling her belly with delicious food, while Octavia and Raven were making a big deal of picking dessert, Lexa's phone went off with an incoming phone call. She glanced down at it curiously and saw that it was from Aden. She answered it without really hesitating, wondering why Aden would be calling her at eight in the evening.

“Hey, Aden,” she said, receiving a curious look from her girlfriend. “Is everything okay?”

“I'm at a park with some friends, and I thought that I could call you, because my parents aren't around and it's Saturday, so you probably don't have college today,” Aden reasoned, sounding somewhat self conscious. “Are you busy? I'm sorry if you're busy. I should probably text first. My mom says it's always more polite to call someone when you know they aren't busy.”

“It's okay,” Lexa promised. “I'm actually not in Polis right now, I'm in New York City with Clarke and some of our friends. We're out at dinner.”

“Oh, that's cool. Why are you in New York?”

Lexa sighed a little. “I'm moving here soon.”

“Really?” Aden asked, and Lexa could hear his voice brightening. “New York is a lot closer to New Jersey than Virginia! Do you think that that means I could visit you?”

Lexa laughed lightly, dropping her gaze down to her lap. “I don't know, Aden. You would have to talk to your parents about that, it's not my decision.”

“But I _want_ to hang out with you,” Aden whined, “because you're super cool. And so is Clarke. And it's not fair that I have a sister but don't get to hang out with her.”

“I know, but it's not our choice to make, unfortunately.”

“But my mom might take away my phone if she finds out that I called you,” Aden complained, “so I can't ask her, or she'll know. I don't want to get in trouble.”

“How about we talk about that some other time?”

“Okay.”

“How did Valentine's Day go for you? Did you ask that girl out?” Lexa asked, smiling softly as she noticed that Raven and Octavia had finally decided on a dessert to share. They were seemingly the only ones who still had room to fit more food in their stomachs, and everyone else was leaned back, food babies protruding from their bellies.

“No,” Aden admitted, “I was too shy to. But I brought her chocolate, and she liked it. And we've been texting since then. How about you? Did you spend time with Clarke?”

“Yes.” Lexa glanced at her girlfriend pleasantly, seeing the blonde laugh at something that Raven had just said. “We had fun, and it was her birthday last weekend.”

“How old did she turn?”

“Twenty-four.”

Aden made an interested noise. “She's old.” Lexa heard herself laugh all of the sudden. “I mean, not like _parent_ old, but kind of old. She's _twice_ my age.”

“Well, you're very young, you know?”

“Yes,” Aden agreed with a sigh, “I am.”

Lexa smiled softly. “How about you go back to hanging out with your friends, Aden? I've gotta finish up dinner and then see what my friends are going to do for the night. I'll call you sometime, okay?”

“Okay, sure. Sorry for interrupting. Bye, Lexa. Thanks for talking to me.”

“Of course.” The call ended, and Lexa pocketed her phone again as Clarke nudged her lightly. Lexa smiled. “He's such a sweet kid.”

“I guess we have to hope that his mother isn't too crazy when she finds out that he's been calling you,” Clarke said pointedly.

Lexa hummed in agreement. “I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there.”

“Hey you two,” Raven interrupted, snapping her fingers. “You guys up for clubbing after this, or not?”

Clarke frowned. “Lexa's not twenty-one.”

Raven grinned widely. “Then it's a good thing that Monty, Jasper and I put our magical powers together before this trip and got her a fake ID.” She produced the said ID from her pocket and slid it across the table to Lexa, who grabbed it with curiosity, her eyebrows knit. It was actually almost identical to her ID, with a slightly different picture and with her birthday a year back.

“I don't think I want to know how you got this.”

Jasper smirked. “No, you don't. You in or not?”

Clarke quirked an eyebrow up at her girlfriend, leaving the choice to her, and Lexa shrugged. “Why not?”

Half an hour later found their group lined up outside a nightclub, and it occurred to Lexa that this was pretty much a new experience for all of them. It wasn't like there was an incredible night club nestled somewhere in Polis for them to go to. There was a bar, but that was definitely not the same.

Lexa's ID wasn't even questioned, especially since all of her friends' checked out just fine, and she trailed behind the group as they entered the loud club. “This is fucking great!” Octavia exclaimed. “I wanna do some shots, come on!”

They found their way to the bar, where Lincoln took the liberty of ordering shots for them all. Clarke and Lexa both participated in the fun, taking down their shots obediently and laughing along with their friends as they all discussed the weirdest and coolest things they'd experienced during their day in New York.

Octavia was the first one who suggested dancing, and she and Lincoln eagerly got themselves lost in the crowd to go and dance. Raven stayed rooted to the bar, flirting with some guy who had just approached her, while Bellamy, Jasper and Monty ordered a couple more shots. Lexa was honestly surprised that Bellamy was so at ease about drinking, but she assumed that it was because they didn't need a sober driver, and because he was just as excited about New York as the rest of them.

It was Clarke who tugged Lexa toward the dance floor away from their friends, and Lexa lost herself in the loud music and the heat of the crowd as she danced with her body up against Clarke's. The feeling was magical, and Clarke was surprisingly good at dancing sexily – grinding into Lexa expertly and rubbing their bodies together sensually to the beat of the music.

At some point, Raven found them in the crowd and dragged them back to the bar for more shots. Lexa refused a second shot, and Clarke was going to do the same, but Octavia dared her to do a body shot off of her girlfriend, and the blonde took the dare easily. She took a body shot off of Lexa's neck, and if the brunette wasn't already aroused before then, she was now.

It was long past midnight when they left the club, laughing and stumbling back to the hotel together. They made it to their rooms successfully, and Lexa was glad that her mind was only a little fuzzy from drinking. Clarke was a bit more fuzzy than she was, but they were both completely aware when they fell into bed together. Not to sleep, however. Instead, they had a night filled with roaming hands, cries of pleasure, wrinkled sheets, discarded clothing and murmurs of sweet nothings.

Maybe it was something about the city and everything that it held for them, waiting for Clarke and Lexa to grasp at it, that kept them up. Either way, Lexa was sure that there was morning light shining in the window by the time that she and Clarke fell asleep, in a sweaty, tangled mess of each other's limbs across the ruined hotel bed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all, thank you so much for your comments and kudos <3 I hope you all have a lovely day/night !! X


	23. The First Time I...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's almost moving time for the gang, so they're all packing and getting ready to leave Polis for good. #Emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautifuls <3 This update is a bit early, because tonight I think I'm going to Periscope for a little while so we can talk about the upcoming ending for this story (aka tomorrow - I finished chapter 24 earlier today and damn ending stories is always so so weird). But yeah, if you want to come hang out with me on Periscope tonight, I'm thinking I'll do it sometime around 7 or 8pm EST ... I've been getting tired pretty early lately so I don't really wanna do it any later than that, and I wanted to do it in about an hour, but people on Twitter seemed to want it to be later, so I picked an in between time lol. Anyway, if you wanna join, you can find me on Periscope @BrittzandTana , or if you follow me on Twitter @BrittzandTana , it will tweet when I start Periscoping with the link :) I'd love for you guys to join me - we can talk fanfic, life, music, tv shows... whatever comes up haha. :P I haven't done one in a while, and it feels much overdue haha.
> 
> Enjoy!!xx

“Yes, mom, I know,” Lexa said into the phone distractedly. Clarke was standing a few feet in front of her, with her hair tied up into a messy bun. She was dressed in short shorts and a thing tank top, because they'd been spending the day basically undoing all of the years worth of work put into their warehouse. Finn was keeping the place, to all of their relief, but everyone still needed to move their own things out of it.

They'd already made two trips back to the apartment with Clarke's easels and paintings, and now the blonde was filling boxes with the contents of her Ikea shelves, which she would then probably have to take apart in order to save space during the move. Lexa didn't think it would be too much of a hassle to have to put them back together later.

She was meant to be helping, but her mom had called her to check in.

It was May. The past two months had been completely hectic. Clarke had been working basically nonstop, painting commissions and advertising on etsy, and they had finally gotten approved to lease one of the apartments they'd found. Lexa was in her last week of classes, taking all of her final exams, the scores of which would be reported to NYU, along with her semester transcripts.

Aside from these developments, life had also been progressing for everyone else. Lexa had heard nothing from her father, though she'd been keeping up with Aden with a phone call every week or so. They were getting closer, which was nice, though Lexa had no idea if he would ever mention that to his parents. She kind of hoped that he wouldn't, at least not for a while, because the last thing she needed was for Aden's mother to be all over her like Clarke's mother had been to them previously. Since she'd sent that email to Clarke, they hadn't received any other form of contact from the older woman, which was a relief.

Anya and Luna had begun to be a bit more open with their friends about their relationship – whatever it was exactly. No one had really questioned them about it at all, other than giving them an occasional raised eyebrow or curious look, but everyone was fairly used to seeing them closer than they had been previously.

“Lexa? Did you hear what I said?”

“What?”

“I said that you and Clarke need to come and have dinner with me one more time before you guys move. When is that exactly, by the way? You finish this semester tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah, we're moving next Tuesday,” Lexa replied, the weight of that idea hitting her in that moment. Yes, they'd been packing both the warehouse and their apartment for the past week or so, but it still felt far away. Now, it was less than a week away. “We can maybe come by and have dinner with you on Sunday.”

“Not maybe, Lexa, you _will_. I've only seen you in passing on campus the past few weeks, and before you go off to make a new life in New York, you have to at least entertain a meal with me. I promise that I won't cook anything from scratch,” Alexandria promised, eliciting a smile from her daughter.

“Sure mom, Sunday,” she agreed, and Clarke flashed her a thumbs up to confirm that it would be fine. “I should probably get back to helping Clarke pack. I'll stop by your classroom tomorrow after my last exam. Love you.”

“Love you, sweetie.”

Lexa hung up the call and set her phone on the table next to where she was seated on top of it. Clarke flashed her an amused smile. “Like you're actually going to help me. Your favorite thing to do is to sit there and look pretty while _I_ do work.”

Scoffing, Lexa turned up her nose a bit. “Not true. But if you don't want help, I won't help.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, clearly about to make some other comment, but then there was a knock on the door and it slid open. Finn stepped in with a tool bag in one hand, looking at the two of them curiously. “You guys ready for me to take this door down?”

Blue eyes met green ones, and they both nodded simultaneously. “Go ahead,” Clarke said, and Finn nodded.

Silence fell over the three of them as Clarke continued to put her art supplies into boxes and Finn began the task of taking down the door. Lexa watched him do so very carefully, clearly intending to keep it in perfect condition.

It took him only ten minutes to take the whole thing down, leaving the actual sliding mechanism still there and only removing the wooden board that had been the door. The outside of it was plain plywood, as both sides had once been, and the inside was covered in paint splatters and swirls and basically a mesh of every color paint that Clarke had.

When he was done, he propped the door up against the wall and then disappeared, leaving the couple. “Well, that was fast,” Clarke commented, eyeing the door. “It's kind of weird seeing it as _not_ a door.”

Lexa smirked and did her best to imitate Clarke's voice as she said, “'The door is your canvas'!”

“Hey, don't mock me,” Clarke protested, sticking her tongue out at the brunette.

“I would never.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, and suddenly Octavia appeared at the entrance to the room. “Holy shit, the door's gone.”

“Yep.”

She stepped over the threshold, looking curiously at the door. “You're keeping it?”

“Yes.”

“Cool.” Octavia looked to Lexa. “The rest of your holy trinity of young gays just showed up with a bunch of food for all of us, so we're taking a break.”

Clarke jumped at the idea of food, abandoning her packing and grabbing Lexa's hand to tug her off of the table and after Octavia through the warehouse. Sure enough, Luna and Anya had brought two huge bags of takeout from Chipotle, and they all claimed their respective burrito and sat around the floor of Octavia's room. The couches had been sold the previous week, since they wouldn't need so much extra furniture for the small apartment they were leasing, Now, the room was a lot like the way it had first been set up, except Octavia's computer was currently half boxed up, as well as her collection of textbooks, newspapers, how-to books, and other things that she claimed would help her in her career in journalism. Her fluffy rug was still spread across the hard floor, which was why they chose this room to eat in.

“How far have you guys gotten in packing?” Luna asked the group altogether, then taking a bite of her burrito.

Bellamy jerked his head toward the entrance to Octavia's room, and Lexa glanced through it and over to Bellamy's room. “Got the couch and TV in the moving truck. I'm honestly kind of putting off packing my computer, because it means I can't work on anything until we move in on Monday.”

“Tell me about it,” Clarke muttered. “My easels are all already packed, and we aren't moving in until Tuesday.”

Raven smirked. “Are you ready to be roomies for the summer?”

“Don't even start, Raven,” Clarke snapped, “I've lived with Lexa for all of half a year – it is far too soon for children.”

Lexa laughed abruptly, not expecting that line, and Raven feigned offense. “I'm not a child! I'm gonna sleep on the couch and not take up a lot of room, and I'll buy you guys food, and I won't complain when you guys are screaming and moaning and whatnot.”

“You better not complain,” Lexa teased, grinning.

Raven had decided to move into an NYU single dorm for her last year of college, so that she could have more time to figure out a cheap living situation afterward. Unfortunately, she couldn't move in until August, so she would be spending most of the summer staying with Clarke and Lexa.

“I finally got most of my equipment packed up,” Monty said. “I should be done tomorrow, which is good because it leaves Saturday open.”

“Why do you need to leave Saturday open?” Anya questioned. She and Luna were sitting next to each other, practically connected, and Lexa wondered briefly when they would decide whether or not they were technically dating. It had been a while that this version of their relationship had been carrying on, but as far as Lexa knew, Luna had been the only one to actually bear her feelings to the other. She hated asking about it, however, because Anya would always get defensive. She supposed that it was just good that Anya could begin to accept herself and her sexuality at all, and decided that she should just give it more time.

Jasper perked up. “Oh, there's a mini bonfire,” he announced to the whole group. “I was talking to Murphy and Harper, and we're getting everyone together again for one last hurrah. On top of all of us, the guest list is Murphy, Harper, Echo, Quint, Tristan, Miller, Bryan, and I guess a few others.”

“Cool,” Octavia exclaimed excitedly. “Should we do something Sunday night too, since you, Monty and Bell are going to be leaving Monday morning?”

“Lexa and I are going to be having dinner with Alexandria on Sunday night.”

“I think Saturday will be fine for all of us,” Bellamy reasoned, “I mean. Even if we're all moving in on different days, when we're all there, we'll all be there. And we can all say goodbye to all of our friends on Saturday.”

“Holy fuck, you guys are going to make me cry,” Luna groaned, leaning into Anya. “I can't believe you guys are moving to New York.”

“Well believe it, Lu Lu, because in less than a week, we will officially be living there,” Raven exclaimed with a huge grin.

Finn coughed awkwardly. “Meanwhile, I'll be here.”

“Us too,” Anya offered, shrugging.

“Aw, we'll visit,” Octavia insisted.

Monty added happily, “Or you guys can come visit us – we'll be in the cooler place, after all.”

“Hey, O, where's Lincoln at?” Anya asked curiously.

“He's packing up his apartment,” Octavia answered. “He has to be out of his by tomorrow night, so he'll be done with that tomorrow and staying with me until Tuesday.”

“My parents have been frantically texting me, claiming that he won't answer them, and insisting that he come see them before he leaves,” Anya explained with an eye roll. “You know, they have to see their perfect child one last time before he leaves.”

“He is perfect,” Octavia agreed dreamily.

Raven gagged suddenly and then shook her head. “Oh, sorry, I just remembered that my best friend is a sap and it's disgusting.” Octavia stuck her tongue out at the other brunette, who glared pointedly as the others laughed.

“You won't be complaining once _you're_ dating someone someday and you're sappy as fuck.”

“Never going to happen. The sappy as fuck part, I mean, I'm obviously not going to be single forever.”

Jasper snickered. “Sure.”

“You wanna fight, asshole?” Raven snapped. “Just because I've been single for so long doesn't mean anything.”

Bellamy nodded. “I mean, look at Clarke. If _she_ ended up dating someone and becoming as sappy as she is now, Raven will definitely end up with someone.”

Clarke's jaw dropped in offense. “Hey! I'm not sappy!”

“Keep telling yourself that, babe,” Lexa teased, nudging her and then finishing her burrito innocently as Clarke glared at her.

“You're all mean to me,” the blonde muttered.

Lexa swallowed her food and then pecked Clarke's cheek fondly, erasing the scowl from her face immediately.

* * *

Lexa was seated in her stats lecture hall, scribbling out the answer to the final question on her final. It was also her last final, which meant that she was officially done with Polis University as soon as she finished this one question.

She hadn't a problem with any of her previous finals, and this one was going just as smoothly as the rest. She finished the question, closed her test packet, and stood. She delivered it to her teacher, who wished her a good summer, and then left the hall.

Stretching her arms up above her head, Lexa couldn't help the grin that spread across her face. She was done, and she'd get her scores next week, which would confirm that her transfer to NYU would officially go through without any issues. For now, however, Lexa was going to drop by her mom's classroom and then head home to pack some more. On Monday, Clarke and Lexa were both going to drive up to the nearest U-Haul place and rent one of the moving trucks, which they were going to have to drive all the way up to their new apartment on Tuesday. The entire trip was actually pretty frustrating, because Clarke had agreed to drive the U-Haul, but Lexa was going to have to drive Clarke's car and tow her own car behind it.

She wasn't particularly looking forward to getting that to work, but the bright side was that most of the drive would be on one road – I-95. The only alternative would be for them to make a trip back for Lexa's car at some point, but they both decided to avoid the extra nine hours of driving in favor of dealing with the towing. Finn was going to help them get that all set up and whatnot.

Luckily, she didn't have to worry about that just yet.

She maneuvered through the campus that she'd gotten so used to until she got to the English building, where she then made her way to her mom's classroom. It was empty, as expected, and her mom was back in the office just behind it. “Hey, Lexa!” Alexandria exclaimed when she saw her. “How was your last exam?”

“Easy,” she replied happily. “How was your day? Did your tests make anyone cry?”

“No,” Alexandria tutted, frowning. “You haven't ever majored in English, Lexa, so you can't assume to know what it's like to take these tests. You couldn't even take my class for two more years.”

It was funny, actually, because they'd only realized about a year after Lexa had met Clarke that Bellamy had had one of his English classes with Lexa's mom. Alexandria had only met the whole group of them a handful of times – including the two times that she had forced them all to come have dinner with her. Everyone loved her, which was nice. Raven wasn't so close with her parents, and almost everyone else's parents lived elsewhere, so Lexa's mom had seemed to want to assume the interim mom position for all of them. Lexa thought it was sweet. “Yeah, whatever.”

“So, you and Clarke are definitely coming over on Sunday?”

“Yes,” Lexa confirmed, nodding once. “Tomorrow we're going to finish packing up the apartment for the most part – Clarke finished the warehouse this morning – and Monday we're going to load the U-Haul. We'll be out of here really early Tuesday morning, but I'll call you if you want me to.”

Alexandria nodded dismissively. “Alright, sweetie. Don't stress me out about it yet, I still have Sunday to fuss about it.” Lexa heard the classroom door open and a bunch of seniors began pushing their way into the room. “I have a class in a minute, so you should probably get going. I'm glad your last test went well.”

“Okay. Love you, mom.”

Lexa excited the office and slipped out of the room.

* * *

“Sup future roomies!” Raven exclaimed as she slid open the side door of the minivan for Clarke and Lexa. Bellamy was driving them all down to the lake, and was going to be the sober driver for the night. “Ready to party?”

“Last bonfire ever here? I'm not sure that I'm ready,” Clarke admitted, sliding into the middle seat next to Raven and with Lexa next to her. Finn was in shotgun, and everyone else had separate rides to the lake.

“Don't be so dramatic,” Raven insisted with a frown. “I mean, it might not be the last. We could always visit and go to some.”

Clarke shrugged, and Lexa grabbed her hand, squeezing it reassuringly. Everyone of them was in a weird mindset as of late – a strange mixture of excitement, nervousness, and sadness. Honestly, Lexa just couldn't wait until the move itself was over with, and they could be past this awkward phase.

The car ride to the party was mostly quiet, and when they got to the lake, they were happy to see all of their friends down by the kegs that Murphy had supplied. They were actually incredibly lucky to have the lake to themselves on this Saturday. A lot of people were heading off on vacation or home to their families in some cases, so the main party to celebrate the end of the semester had been the night before, and now most college kids were worrying about how to begin their summer jobs or vacations and whatnot.

“Hey guys!” Octavia called to them happily, from where she was clinging onto Lincoln. “There's beer, but we all kind of decided not to do any shots. I figured that we all sort of need to be on top of our game this weekend.”

Luna groaned. “You're lucky I love you people, because I am pissed as fuck that there aren't any shots here.” Anya rolled her eyes, nudging the brunette, who just sighed and grabbed her hand dejectedly.

Once they all had a red solo cup in their hands filled with beer, or soda in some cases, someone went up to start the music while Murphy ran to light the fire that would light up the night as it got dark. It was near the middle of the year now, so it got dark pretty late, but they were all expecting to be their late anyway.

The night was so much fun. Lexa allowed herself to be kept from her girlfriend for a lot of the night, because she knew that the purpose of this party was to get to say goodbye to all of their friends. She spent an hour or so just dancing and drinking with Anya and Luna, as if it were back in their senior year. Anya, of course, stayed sober, but she laughed and danced with the two of them anyway.

At some point, Octavia and Raven got pretty drunk – despite the former's decision to not do so – and tore off their shirts, leaving them in bikini tops. Octavia was pretty set on diving into the lake, but Lincoln, who was sober, laughed and held her back.

It was after midnight when Bellamy refilled everyone's drinks and ushered them all over to the fire, which they sat around. When the group quieted down, Bellamy suggested that they go around and reminisce. The group of them were silent for a good few moments, and then Echo spoke up about a time that Lincoln had tripped over a beer keg at a party when he saw Octavia. That had been a couple months after the two of them had started dating, and Octavia thought it was pretty fucking hilarious. She apologized for laughing by beginning to make out with Lincoln – which made both Anya and Bellamy look away uncomfortably.

Bellamy decided to go next. “Well, I remember the first time I met Clarke.”

Finn let out a loud laugh and shook his head. “Oh god, she's going to kill you for talking about this.”

Clarke glared at Bellamy. “If you even...”

“Well it was a Saturday I guess, and Clarke had been at Finn's. One of the frats was hosting a party at the time, and Finn was invited, and Clarke was his plus one. But I guess she'd gotten plastered ahead of time, so when she showed up at the party, she was already unsteady on her feet. At some point, she escaped into a bathroom to vomit, and I saw her, so I went to make sure she was okay. We ended up sitting on in one of the quieter rooms and she started talking –“

“A bunch of stupid random shit, yes I was drunk, we get it.”

Bellamy smirked. “Well, that's what I told you that you said, but you actually said some pretty coherent things.”

Clarke's eyes widened. “What?” Finn furrowed his eyebrows as well, clearly having not heard the rest of this story either.

“Well, I asked you where Finn was or if you had been meaning to stay with him. I thought that you guys were like an official couple, because he had mentioned you a few times and you guys came together. Let's just say that it became very apparent to me that you guys were not dating when you told me that you would never date a guy with ah... such a small dick,” Bellamy explained, smirking still.

Raven let out a loud laugh as Octavia snickered, and Clarke's jaw dropped. Finn turned bright red. “Wait, I said that?” Clarke demanded.

“Yep,” Bellamy confirmed, nodding. “That was when I cut you off from drinking. Because you didn't just say that – you were about to go on and on about the reasons you wouldn't date Finn... Let's just say that I never thought you guys would end up being friends for so much longer after that.”

“My dick is not that small!” Finn exclaimed angrily, and Raven was still laughing her ass off.

“Oh my fucking god! Drunk Clarke was so savage!” she exclaimed. “Holy fuck, that's amazing. The first time I met Clarke was a few days after that when she was hungover as fuck from a different party, and she didn't say a single sentence to met that didn't have the word fuck in it.”

Clarke huffed in annoyance, leaning into Lexa. “Yes, we get it.”

“Hey,” Octavia said softly, “we're not meaning to call you out or anything. Obviously you've turned a major new leaf since then, but that is the first way that we all met you.”

“The first time I saw Clarke was while she was having sex with Finn, so that was an experience,” Murphy commented.

Lexa frowned. “That's disgusting. Ew.”

“Ooh, does anyone have any awful Lexa stories?” Jasper asked, grinning evilly. “I feel like we're always so nice to her, but surely there's some dirt involving her?”

“Hey!” Lexa complained.

“How about the fact that she almost had sex with Finn? I still think that's pretty fucking weird,” Clarke commented, and Finn rolled his eyes.

Anya chuckled. “I have a ton of stories about Lexa, but they're all from when we were kids, so I feel like they're not relevant to this conversation.”

“I have just as many about you, An, so you better keep those to yourself,” Lexa threatened.

Raven made a noise of realization. “Oh! When I first met Octavia in freshman year of college, I kind of like... really hated her.”

“What, why?” Octavia exclaimed, her jaw dropping.

“You were in my English class – which I guess was just one of yours – and I thought that you were a a stuck up bitch.”

“So what changed?” Harper asked.

“I got a higher grade than her on our first test, and I went up to her to gloat about it, and she just smiled and congratulated me. Then, while I was there confused as fuck, she asked me if I'd gone to Polis High, because she thought she'd seen me around before during our senior year. And then I felt like an asshole for not recognizing her, and so I just pretended that I actually had, and we started talking and then well... this happened,” Raven explained.

“Do you ever think about how crazy it is that we all went from not knowing each other to knowing each other through like, so many different ways?” Luna asked, leaning against Anya. “Like, you all met during college, and then we sort of got integrated because of Clarke and Lexa dating, and also Lincoln knowing Miller. Like that bonfire that we had when the three of us were still seventeen.”

“When you were all still innocent and untainted?” Monty teased.

Lexa laughed. “We were not!”

Octavia smirked. “No, you were Lexa. You didn't stop being innocent until your eighteenth birthday – Clarke stole the last of your innocence that day.”

“Hey, don't say it like it was some creepy, one sided thing,” Clarke snapped. “If that is true, then Lexa definitely _wanted_ me to take it.”

Lexa's cheeks felt warm as she laughed, her head feeling slightly dizzy from the alcohol. “Oh!” Murphy piped up. “How about that one time that we –“

Lexa stopped listening, because Clarke's arm had snaked its way around her waist and was pulling her closer. Sighing contently, she rested her head against the blonde's shoulder and paid half attention to all of the stories that were now being told.

It was probably two in the morning when they all decided to head off home.

Luna and Anya promised Lexa that they would stop by on Monday to help the pack the U-Haul, but this would be the last day in a long while that the Lexa and Clarke would see quite a few of their friends. Everyone began giving each other hugs, and tears began leaking from everyone's eyes. Luck was wished to all of them, promises to visit were made, and then the group split apart in order to go home.

Every single one of them was hyper aware that it was possible that they would never all be here again together in the same way. When Clarke and Lexa got back to their apartment, despite how excited they were to move, they cuddled and cried themselves to sleep.

They were just two days away now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emotions man why ;-;  
> Question: Do you guys feel burnt out by this storyline now that the end of the sequel is coming? This is the 3rd sequel I've ever written for something, and I honestly feel like it's gone the best. SWM went nicely, but my first ever sequel ended kinda sketchily because people were very burnt out very quickly. I'm just wondering, because this is the first time that I'm honestly not burnt out from writing a specific story line, and I'm just curious to know if you guys are? Please let me know in a comment if you feel like it, or feel free to tweet me @BrittzandTana :)  
> (Skip this paragraph if you don't want to read about sad animal things) The last chapter will be up tomorrow, either early or late. Tomorrow will be a crazy day for me. One of my dogs has to be put down tomorrow, because he's very old and is starting to lose mobility, and he's been getting sick, and so we are taking him to the vet tomorrow. It's very very sad. On top of that, sometime tomorrow night after that happens, I'm road tripping to Dallas for my nephew's birthday party which is tomorrow. So tomorrow will be a full day, but I promise to update. <3  
> I love you all so so much, thanks for your incredible support <3 I hope you all have a lovely day/night!! xx


	24. Impossible Even

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of Tainted <3 Clarke and Lexa are finally moving to New York City.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to post this earlier rather than later, because today's going to be a hard day and I'm not sure how much I'll be on my computer tonight.  
> I want to thank you all so so so much for sticking with this story, and I am so glad to hear that you guys aren't burnt out of the story line. It makes me very happy to hear that. :) Don't forget to sub to me (is that a thing? I don't actually no oops) or follow me on Twitter @BrittzandTana to make sure that you guys know when I post my next story. I do indeed have a plan/surprise for you all that should hopefully be up next week. The keyword being hopefully - I also have to do a bunch of summer reading, and I'll be in Dallas all weekend, so.  
> Also sidenote: This is officially the first story that I posted consistent daily updates for, and I'm honestly really happy about it. It was fun and also empowering to think that I could get myself onto a schedule like that - I'm trying for this last year of being not an adult to get myself better at schedules and holding myself to goals and whatnot. Of course, this one was a pretty easy one, since I love updating so much. But yes, I just thought I'd mention that, you guys helped a lot with me staying on track ;) x  
> Again, thank you all for your comments, kudos, tweets, everything... I love you all so so much, and I promise that I don't just say that every chapter for the sake of saying it. You all never fail to make me smile, and you make hard days easier. <3
> 
> Enjoy! xx

On Sunday, Clarke and Lexa went to Alexandria's house and had dinner with the older woman. They all did their best to keep the conversation light, since, at least for Lexa, leaving her mom in the move to New York was one of the sadder parts. Along with, of course, leaving Anya and Luna.

Still, by the end of the dinner, Alexandria wrapped Lexa up in a tight hug and made her promise that they would come visit. Lexa felt tears leaking when she pulled out of the hug, and then Alexandria pulled Clarke into a hug as well.

Lexa was pretty sure that she saw blue eyes turn watery.

When they finally left and got back into Clarke's car to head back to their apartment – which would be entirely emptied the next day – Lexa let out a long sigh. “It's weird knowing that I won't be able to see her very often. Like, I think I took for granted that she's always been on campus at the same time as me. I feel like I should've been visiting her classroom more often.”

“Mm, well. You didn't know all this time that you'd be moving,” Clarke justified, “and plus, you'll still get to talk to her. I mean, you can call her once a week like she suggested, and the drive isn't _that_ far.”

“Ha, I don't think calling her once a week was a suggestion. It was more like, 'if you don't call me once a week, I will drive all the way to New York to make sure you haven't died',” Lexa said with a chuckle. “But yeah, you're right. It's just weird.”

On Monday morning, the two of them were curled up in their bed together, wearing little to nothing and wrapped only in a sheet. They'd been sleeping peacefully since falling asleep the night before, until and incessant buzzing began to go off for an excessive amount of time. Lexa was the one who woke first, and she groaned, trying to figure out what the sound was.

“Oh my god, is that the fucking buzzer?” she groaned out in realization. Clarke just let out a grunt in response, and Lexa sighed, pushing up off of the bed. Clarke made a tired, whining noise, trying to grab at Lexa's arm to keep her in bed, but the brunette was already standing.

She padded through the apartment and over to the buzzer, hitting the talk button and asking, “What the fuck?”

“Hey!” came a chorus of three voices that she obviously recognized. “It's us! Let us up!”

“Sure,” Lexa muttered, and then adding, “just don't come into our bedroom.” She hit the button to let them into the building, and then immediately escaped back into the bedroom. Clarke was sitting up a bit now, rubbing her tired eyes.

“Is it time to leave?”

“No, it's still just Monday,” Lexa replied with amusement. “Luna, Anya and Raven are here. I think Rae said she was going to help us load the U-Haul, and in exchange we're going to squeeze in her boxes. She doesn't have any furniture or anything to bring. She said on Saturday that she's leaving it all in a storage unit in Fredericksburg.”

“Right,” Clarke murmured, stretching her arms over her head. “Oh shit, the U-Haul.” She dropped her hands lamely by her side. “We still have to go drive and get that shit.”

“Should we just leave the three of them here while we go get it?”

Clarke shrugged. “Maybe you could stay here and Raven and I can go get it. We are letting her live with us for a whole summer, so she kind of owes us. And you can hang out with Luna and Anya for the last time in a little while.”

So that's what they did – once they'd showered and gotten dressed, that is. Clarke dragged Raven out to her car with her, and they went to go pickup the U-Haul. Lexa, Luna and Anya stayed at the apartment, talking and eating some of the last items of food that were in the fridge. They'd stuck to mostly eating takeout over the past week or so, since it was faster and easier than buying groceries.

“Where do you think you're going to work there?” Anya asked curiously. “I know that some of the money from your dad and Clarke's mom are holding you over for a few weeks, but you're both going to get jobs, right?”

“Yeah, Clarke's been looking into some galleries and send in a digital copy of her resume to some of them. I'm going to look for maybe a paid summer internship at a psychologist office or something like that. If I can't get a paid one, I'll probably just get a job somewhere instead, because I do have to put up half of the rent for our apartment. Even though I know that Clarke would try to tell me that I should just contribute what I can since I'm still in school, but...”

Luna nodded. “That makes sense. Hopefully you can find a paid one. I, for one, am so happy to be done with college.”

“I'm really sorry that I won't get to be at your graduation ceremony,” Lexa apologized – for probably the sixth time in the past two weeks.

“Seriously, don't worry about it. It's literally just a fancy certificate that says 'Good job, you spent two years of your life learning something that was completely optional'!”

Lexa smirked. “Sure, but it's still a big deal. I mean, I went to Clarke's graduation when she got her associate's degree. I would go to yours if I could.”

“Don't worry,” Anya assured, “I'm going to go, and force her to recognize that it's actually an achievement.”

“Sure it is,” Luna muttered sarcastically, but then she grinned when she got glares from the other two.

When Clarke and Raven got back with the U-Haul, they also had Chipotle, so the give of them sat around and ate their burritos before getting to the task at hand. They started with the furniture – which honestly wasn't a lot. Their desks, yes, as well as their table and chairs, and also their bed frame and mattress. They would be sleeping on a pile of blankets on the floor tonight, since it was easier than having to move the mattress into the U-Haul the following morning.

The one thing that Raven was actually contributing to their moving situation was a couch, because Clarke and Lexa's apartment had never had one. Since Raven would need one to sleep on while staying at their new place, she had offered to donate them her couch.

But that would have to be added when they drove the U-Haul over to Raven's apartment after they loaded the rest of Clarke and Lexa's stuff.

The two of them each had a suitcase packed with the things they would need for Monday night and immediately once they were in New York, but other than that, all of their things were boxed up. The boxes took the longest to load, because there wasn't an elevator to bring them down to the first floor.

Finally, though, the U-Haul was chock full of their boxes and furniture. While they were all sprawled across the empty living room, catching their breath before heading over to Raven's place, they got a text from Bellamy that announced that he, Monty and Jasper had officially arrived at their apartment and had unloaded their own moving truck.

They went over to Raven's apartment after giving themselves an ample length break, and loaded up her boxes and her couch into the remaining open area of the U-Haul. Then they brought it back to their apartment, where Finn was waiting for them with towing equipment.

He attached Lexa's car to the back of Clarke's, and explained the best way to maneuver the car while driving. Basically, Lexa got a crash course on how not to destroy her car during her four and a half hour drive to New York. What was lucky for her, though, was that she would be following Clarke. So at least if she had to worry about towing her car, she didn't have to worry about getting lost at all.

It was late into the afternoon by this point, and Clarke, Lexa and Raven gave Finn a final goodbye hug.

During all of that, Luna and Anya had gone to pick up sandwiches for their dinner, and brought them back to the empty apartment a few minutes after Finn had left. They occupied the empty bedroom this time, sitting on the blankets that were there, and ate almost silently. They didn't talk at all until Raven got a phone call from Octavia, which she put on speaker.

“Hey bitches!” Octavia exclaimed. “Did you guys finish loading your truck?”

“Yep,” Raven answered. “We're all at Clarke and Lexa's apartment.”

Octavia hummed in acknowledgment. “You guys will probably get into New York before us tomorrow, because we have to stop for breakfast at Lincoln's parents place.”

“We saw Lexa's mom yesterday.”

Anya smirked. “Yeah, my parents are far more concerned than Lexa's mom is about all of this, so I can see how they would want to see Lincoln the exact same day that he's leaving.”

“Yeah, and I'm pretty sure that they hate me for being the catalyst for this whole moving away situation. Honestly, though, I think that Lincoln wouldn't have ended up staying here anyway,” Octavia stated surely. “Are you staying at your place tonight, Rae?”

“Oh, I don't know. I was just going to stay here if Lexa and Clarke don't mind,” Raven admitted, looking to her friends with wide eyes.

Lexa and Clarke both nodded simultaneously, and Lexa said, “Of course you can stay here. We're leaving together pretty early tomorrow anyway.”

It was about an hour later that Luna and Anya decided to head back to their dorm room – they would be moving out of it at the end of the week after Luna's ceremony. They were each going to be living with their respective families, but were considering getting an apartment together soon. As roommates, they both said, but everyone knew that them getting an apartment together was a far bigger step than sharing a dorm room – especially considering the recent developments in their relationship.

No one called them out on that, though, of course.

There were teary eyes and tight hugs before they left, and then it was just Clarke, Lexa and Raven in the nearly empty apartment.

They aimed to sleep pretty early, so by ten, they were all splayed across the blankets in the bedroom, drifting off to sleep.

Clarke was the first one up on Tuesday, and she took the liberty of waking both Lexa and Raven up. Lexa was woken up with sweet kisses as per usual, but then Lexa had to convince Clarke that no, it would not be funny to dump water on Raven to get her up. Instead, they ended up grabbing the blanket she was laying on and pulling it a bit, dragging the brunette across the floor for all of five seconds before she woke up with a scowl. The anger quickly faded away into excitement, though, and it spread through the couple as well.

After spending about twenty minutes getting ready and then dragging their suitcases into their respective cars, they were ready to go. Clarke locked the door with a sense of finality, leaving the key under the mat in front of it as she was instructed to do by the landlord, who would come to get it sometime later in the day.

It was incredibly early – just past six in the morning – so it was barely light outside. Still, they divided up into their three separate vehicles and started off.

The road trip was definitely not as fun as it would've been if they'd been all together in one car, but Lexa blared music in Clarke's car anyway, because it at least kept her entertained to a point. It was not too hard of a drive, though. She followed Clarke's U-Haul, and didn't end up having many issues with towing her own car, because Raven stayed behind her. They ended up working out a nice system when it came to changing lanes and getting off of the freeway. They arrived in New York City promptly at eleven.

It was a bit complicated to unload their U-Haul, but they managed to do so in a couple of hours. At one-thirty in the afternoon, after leaving Raven at the apartment and Clarke and Lexa going to drop the U-Haul off at the nearest U-Haul location, they realized that they hadn't yet eaten. Since they were all so hungry, picking a place to eat was easy and quick, and finally by three, they were back in their apartment.

The place was pretty nice. The kitchen and living room area was pretty much just one big open room with cheap laminate floors, and there were two bedrooms that came off from it. The bigger one was meant to be the master bedroom, of course, but Lexa had insisted that Clarke use that as her art studio. The smaller bedroom, then, was where their mattress was propped against the wall and their bed frame laid in pieces.

There was a bathroom in either of the bedrooms, which was a relief and meant that Raven wouldn't have to share with them for the whole summer.

They'd really gotten the apartment at a pretty cheap price, and when they'd finalized their lease on it, it seemed like maybe the landlord was just desperate to get it off of his hands.

Lexa called her mom to let her know that they'd arrived safely. She then did the same for Luna and Anya, and Clarke sent texts to the rest of their friends to let them know that the three of them had successfully arrived.

Everyone agreed that they would spend the week unpacking and meet up to celebrate during the weekend. On this specific day, though, Clarke, Lexa and Raven all agreed that the unpacking could wait. All that they did was set up the bed in the bedroom and make sure that the couch was good for Raven to sleep on.

So late that night, Clarke and Lexa ended up curled up in bed, able to hear the sounds of the city out the window. It wasn't too bad, though, because they were, admittedly, not really in the most exciting part of the city. Still, the whole atmosphere was just different, and Lexa honestly loved it.

How couldn't she love it, really? She had her girlfriend next to her in bed, in a place that was theirs, at the start of the next stage of their life. Most of her best friends were close by, and those that weren't were at least just a phone call away, or a four hour drive, along with her mom.

It just seemed surreal that they'd ended up here, like this. Impossible, even, if someone had thought it all up in their head. But no, they were here, and things had finally taken a turn for the incredible.

It was definitely worth every struggle, and every stress. In fact, all of the shit that they had barreled through felt silly now – it was all in the past, over and done with.

All that was left was how changed it had left both Clarke and Lexa, along with the excitement for this new beginning that they had somehow acquired.

They weren't going to waste it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this ending <3  
> Don't forget to watch out for the surprise next week. XX  
> (Skip this paragraph if you don't want to hear about sad animal things) Thank you guys so much for your kind words about my dog <3 We took him out to play earlier and he had fun - even though he got very tired very quickly and wanted to come inside ahah. He lived a long life, and I've known him since I was about 6 years old, so it's crazy to think that I won't have him anymore. We're going to buy him some cheeseburgers for lunch before we take him to his appointment. Thank you all <3  
> I love you all, I hope you all have a lovely day/night. <3 I will see you next week. xx (Or, you can come follow me on Twitter @BrittzandTana and you can chat with me there in the meantime) ... xxTori

**Author's Note:**

> Comments, kudos, etc are all appreciated so much!! Also remember that you can follow me on Twitter @BrittzandTana and if you tweet me that you read this, I will FOLLOW YOU BACK!!


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